OCR Text |
Show rhi.phiiiiPr 1 THE POSTWAR FURNACE The postwar world is going to give a break to the man who tends a furnace. The job is going to be no more trouble than switching the dial on a radio. The furnace of tomorrow will not take up much more room than an electric toaster. Science and engineering, with all their wonders, have neglected the furnace. It Is what it has always been, a huge, cumbersome, awesome, awe-some, space-hogging apparatus full of temperament. That frustrated, broken look on the faces of countless Americans is doe to furnace responsibilities. respon-sibilities. Shaking it down and removing the ashes has made many a man hate cellars, northern winters and the discoverer of coaL But at last something has been done about it, and a furnace perfected per-fected that will be a thing of beauty and joy all winter. It is heralded as a robot-heatwave, a jet-heater, a jeep furnace. Yon can carry It home tinder your arm. i Its special appeal is that it leaves no ashes, has no grate, requires no shaking and is as self-operating as an oil burner. It is, in fact, the coal Industry's answer to the oil furnace. The oil industry has been battering the coal industry around for years without with-out getting much opposition, but a battle is ahead. The Anthracite Industries incorporated incor-porated Is the popper of the new demi tasse self-operating furnace. It only takes up a space two feet by two feet and is a simple device consisting con-sisting of a couple of gears, a blower, blow-er, a water pump and some blades which chop up the coal as it is automatically fed into the fire box. It produces a terrific flame in a few seconds and Is guaranteed to have mom yelling "Turn off that heat!" instead of squawking "Horace, "Hor-ace, you'd better look at the furnace fur-nace again. Yon opened the drafts two hours ago and nothing's happened hap-pened yet." There is practially no cleaning to De aone. rne old man can give it an annual renovating with an old tooth brush, a nail file and an eye dropper. drop-per. It will be In production as soon as Hitler and Tojo are disposed of. Swell! Now we have the furnace of the future all attended to. But how can we get the coal of the present? Private Purkey Nears the Reich Dear Harriet-Well, Harriet-Well, I am not sure where I am now on account of the armies in France don't stop long enough even to look at the signposts, but if I ain't in Germany I am close. Uncle Sam has got a new secret weapon. It is a jet-propelled G. I. We are moving so fast, Harriet, that windshields wind-shields should now be compulsory equipment for foot soldiers. I would not be able to write this letter except we have just slowed down to 30 miles an hour. I don't know what we slowed down for but Sergeant Mooney says it was on account ac-count of we had to send some scouts about 100 miles to locate General Patton. It has been almost like a sightseeing sightsee-ing tour with me the last few weeks and I seen a thousand places where Hitler once slept and most of the towns where the Nazi supermen once stood. It looks to me like the Kraut is the fastest folding soldier in history. I seen thousands of captured Nazis in the last couple of weeks and I ain't seen a goosestep in a a carload. Anybody who says Germany Ger-many will never surrender on our terms is nuts. The ones I been seeing see-ing will surrender for a drink of water wa-ter and a cool place to lay down. This liberation business is nice but it is too fast for comfort. I would rather, of liberated a little slower so we could get time to buy at least a postcard in some of them famous French and Belgium places. But. if a G. I. stops to tie his shoe lace here becomes AWOL. All my love, Oscar. "Officials of the New York stock exchange announce that the spreading spread-ing of rumors about stocks must be Stopped." News item. Wanna bet? Imagine stopping rumors on the stock exchange! Lots of people won't buy a stock unless a few rumors are thrown in with it. "It's all I ever get for my money," complained com-plained Elmer Twitchell today. "If I must choose between stocks and rumors, gimme rumors." |