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Show HE time is again at hand to f pay tribute to our honored dead, to indulge in Mara-l Mara-l thon runs, to enter con-ffi con-ffi . testa for silver cups and liiT to secure tickets that will fflsVTffif admit us to the dpuble-ffllWwSijI dpuble-ffllWwSijI headers at the baseball '' grounds, so that we may show how deeply and sincerely we cherish the memory of those for whom the garlands are twined. It will be necessary for some men to make speeches and. for others to listen. For the benefit of the listeners as well as of the speakers, a recipe for a Memorial Memo-rial day address, furnished by one who ftiay be a bit cynical, is given. Tako three stories, strictly fresh. Add one tablespoonful each of ancient and mediaeval history; allow to come to a boll, and settle with a chip of Plymouth Rock. Add slowly 15 drops of Webster's extract of American revolution rev-olution (tea flavoring). Pour over one quart Appomattox apple sauce. Stir in rapidly six gallons solid facts the heavier the better. Beat up thoroughly thor-oughly four or more modern problems, first being careful to separate them from their solutions. Then put both mixtures together and beat to a froth. When well mixed, add the following fol-lowing slowly. One cupful politics (with extreme care, or it may curdle). One quart milk of human kindness. (The genuine article is extremely rare, but a substitute recommended by many public men, and closely resembling the pure variety, may be obtained anywhere. any-where. Use the condensed form.) Tincture of religion a small quantity, to taste. One-half cupful premonitions of national disaster. One and one-third cupfuls hope. One sprig sage (advice). (ad-vice). If in danger of becoming heavy and falling flat, add quickly a pinch of gunpowder. Three drops each of pathos pa-thos and wit. These are scarce and hard to procure; but a very little, well diluted, you will find will go a long way. Laurel and bay leaves may be substituted for pathos, if necessary. Stir the whole until thoroughly tired, then place In a cold oven and let warm up gradually. When done brown garnish with firecrackers and flowers of rhetoric, and serve hot, on a large American flag. HENRY HOWLAND. |