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Show (ii'.rnxt! voi n on. cakd Q. Whtit Is your name? A. Cli-h-clte-elies-U-ter J J-Jones. Q. Stop stuttering nleuse. A. It yon were tis cold ns I nm you'd stutter. Q Nonsense. It Isn't cold now. A. No, but I'm looking ahead I Q. Have you mi oil-burning ur-mu-e? A. It all depends on you I Q How many rooms are there In your house? A. Six rooms and nine baths. Q. Isn't thut a slightly unbalanced unbal-anced layout? A. Not the way architects design homes today, Q. Is your house insulated? A. 1 can't be sure. All I know Is that I paid the contractor to do it. It's like the vitamins in spinach . . . you are told they are there but you can't prove it, Q. How about storm windows? A. I'll bite; how about 'em? Q. Have you had them put in? A. Yes, sir. I know they're there by the rattle. Q. Storm windows are no good if they rattle. A. The carpenter who made them thought I had ordered tent (laps. And they're so thin he must have been a manufacturer of paper caps for milk bottles before he turned carpenter. 10 Q. Have you closed off any rooms? A. I've closed off so many that I find myself trapped in my own home. My mother-in-law was missing miss-ing for three days before they found I had nailed her up in a guest room. Q. Splendid. That's the way to win a war. A. Not the war with my mother-in-law. q.How much oil did you burn last winter. A. By the bills I must have been the largest consumer next to the Empire State building. q.Do you agree that 65 degrees is warm enough for any home? A. Mister, when the hea,t in my Louse gets that low the whole family fam-ily starts hunting for seals. If our thermostat gets below 70 my wife accuses me of trying to stage a revival re-vival of Eliza crossing the ice. q Doesn't your wife want to win this war? A. Yes, but not by dogsled. Q.You'd better have a stern talk with her and just set the heat at 65 as Washington suggests. A No matter where I set it she will shove it up to where her bridge club wants it. QWould she defy Washington? A. Mister, when she gets uncomfortable uncom-fortable in winter she will defy I Washington, Jefferson and Hamilton. Q Here's your ration book. And you won't suffer from cold all winter. win-ter. I can guarantee it. A. How? q When you discover how little oil you can get with it you are going go-ing to feel plenty hot. T am well aware of the desirability desirabil-ity of continuing football games. Through the co-operation of the public pub-lic in refraining from traveling we hope to assure conditions which will make possible the continuance of the events."-J. B. Eastman. Tou mean non-attended games, Joe? "The visibility isn't as bad just now as it has been all afternoon, but, as you know, I am not permitted permit-ted to say anything about the weath-j weath-j er as this track is so near the sea. Ted Husing at the races. Nothing like keeping everything completely dark. PETAIN AND LAVAL ee the earth's most servile pair-Petain pair-Petain and Laval (Pierre)! Mark them crush their fellow? all At Herr Hitler's beck and call! Note the world's top cringe" well-Men well-Men who send their own to hell! - Frenchmen who by their decree Send their own to siav. Sign on a movie theater: "Somewhere "Some-where I'll Find You Plus Shorts. RHYMES FOR THE JUNK DRIVE If you fail to turn in scrap You're a buddy of the Jap. A Datriot who is a punk: He cheersthe flag and keeps hts junk! ' . This guy for any bid I'll settle: Ee won't take time to hunt old metal. RUBBER CZAR He gets things done, does Big Bill Jeffers, And that-s no dish of bassen- pfeffcrs. Washington has' ruled that 65 degrees de-grees will be warm enough in New Inland homes this win e, Well. there is nVP Ud ra'sed in New To anybody born and ratseci England getting back " as wHlbe about as great a sa rfloe having to give up one |