Show r. r SOMETHING FOR EVERYONE B By BERT LUCKY BOYACK v NO SHEEP A man who couldn't couldn t sleep complained to his doctor The doctor selected three colored pills and gave the following dir directions This pink pill will make you dream of Carol Baker this orange pill will make you dream of Elizabeth Taylor and this red pill will make you dream of Gina Returning home he told his wife Ill take them all all and all and dont don't bother to wake me POPULAR Some young women have such sparkling personalities that they make friends quickly and easily With Witha a stranger it takes a little longer DISAPPOINTED A man was complaining about his domestic situation to a asocial asocial asocial social service worker We were happily married he explained ex ex- ex and a year later a little stranger little stranger arrived A CIA baby said the social worker How nice No my wife's uncle uncle he's hes he's a midget the man replied REAL TRUTH TRUTHA A movie star saw a fellow thespian enter a restaurant with a beautiful girl on his arm his wife he was told His wife echoed the star What a publicity stunt BOTH FAILURES What became of them two boys of yours asked theold the theold theold old friend who had returned to his native town for a visit Lem doing Oh replied the native Lems in politics That so said the old friend And what's Hank doing Hank am aint t w worth rth a durn darn either replied the the native BROADER PERSONALITY A wife suggested to her husband Lets buy Junior a bicycle Do you think it might improve his behavior asked the hopeful even-hopeful husband I dont don't know she admitted admitted admitted ad ad- but at least it will spread it over the neighborhood BITTER REMARK Who was braver than Lancelot wise than Socrates more truthful than Washington more honorable than Lincoln wittier wittier wit wit- tier than Mark Twain and more handsome than Apollo quizzed the orator A voice was heard from the rear of the audience My wife's first husband WITH THE EXTRAS A pert miss at a soda counter sighed wistfully What I really crave is one of those darling foreign sports cars cars cars- with the foreign sport still in it CANT CAN'T BLAME HIM HIMA A television sponsor is a guy who watches the commercials and goes to the refrigerator during the show R ERRATIC lt MIND MINDA ND A gentleman admitted to having haying broken into the same dress shop four times When the judge asked him what he had stolen he replied A dress for my wife but she made me change it three times fl 5 BARE BUSINESS How are things at your nudist colony asked a friend Well ClWell replied the opportunist pretty good I opened up upa a little store out there Im I'm selling to nudists The friend asked in m amazement What kind of could you sell to nudists Cushions replied the op op- op- op FOOLISH LOGIC Tax money from liquor sales are channeled into school lunch programs Some suppose this will make for few hungry young people and therefore they w will II not want to drink SMART SUE The most important time for a woman to look her best bestis is while crossing a busy intersection CLEVER The proprietor of a cigar store was worried because his competitor across the street was attracting crowds at his window by employing a vivacious brunette to sit there and roll cigars while smiling at the boys outside After considerable thought he hit upon an idea and the following day a blonde was rolling cigars in his window but with her back to the street The crowd was soon inside inside inside in in- side his store S 55 0 S 5 WILL BELIEVE People are naive and they fall for the bunk because at atthe atthe atthe the time it looks like a soft berth to them S 5 Se ABOUT MONEY It ClIt is true or it used to be that a penny saved is a penny earned it is just as true that saving a few dollars dollars dol dol- lars for a rainy day is almost an impossibility impassibility In laying laying laying lay lay- ing all the cards on the table one may win some money Why play playa a game These days you lay credit cards on the table and have ul unlimited credit to buy almost anything 1 INDIFFERENT High prices rites dont don't seem to bothersome people they just jus charge right ahead LESS WORK It would be nice to live in a neighborhood where the leaves would be blown into the next yard rather than vice vice- versa 55 55 NO JEALOUSY One shouldn't envy those who went on a vacation last summer when you can get a effect by staying home and tipping every third person you meet 55 DENTISTS EPITAPH Stranger Tread This Ground With Gravity Dentist Brown Is Filling His Last Cavity 55 LAST WORD Man does not live by bread alone Neither does Woman Although many a woman has fallen in love with a loafer rI A. A |