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Show I BBb BBl t: hA wh Hl wwm Bl ,;vW'$C. H What Attracted Him. HB "I'm n-goln' to lie a Arctic explorer," BH announced Tommj Twaddles, who was BB reading about the Peary expedition. BBl "Indeed?" asked Pa Twaddles. "Are BBg you so anxious to And the north BH polo?" I BBl "Kaw, t don't enro about that. Hut BBl up In them cold regions It's dangerous BBl to wash ycr facet" BBl Catching. BBl "Where did ho catch his wife, any- HB way?" BH "He didn't. She caught him." BBl "If that's the case, ho caught a Tar-, BH tar, eh?" BBl "Yes, and he's been catching It ever , H I H GOOD ADVICE. HB Miss Oldono I wouldn't havo refused Chnrley nanks If I'd been you. BH Miss Swcetglrl I don't bellevo I would either, If I'd been you. ewwwwvvwvwwwwwwvv H& Absurd. Hfr "Last night I slapped a mosquito on HBV the fa'co " Hjmkl "HoV absurd!" H "What's absurd?" V "Slapping a mosquito on tlio face!" H "Vou didn't lot mo finish. I slapped HB blm on the face, of my girl; and her Hi father thought it was tbo smack of a BBl kiss ho had heard and ho bounced BH down stairs and chased mo a block." H Wham the Old Man Feared. BH "Say," said Mrs. Nurltch, "your HB father's got to stop smokln' his plpo HB In the parlor. You'll havo to speak to HB him; he won't mind mo." HB "He ain't afraid o' mo, neither," ro- BH piled Nurltch. BBl "Well, something's got to be done." HL lb. "It I wasn't afraid o' scarln' the old HTlk man too bad I'd get the butler aftor Bfl Mk, him." Philadelphia Press. M JK. The Three Flddle- Bfl x "And what did you see at the eon- fl &rt, Wllllo?" asked tlio father. Bfl TI saw a man play a Uttlo fiddle and Bfl Another one play a big fiddle," said BB the boy. Hi "And don't you romembcr tho 'collo HJ player, too, Wllllo?" suggested tho flHJ mother, who accompanied him. flfl "Oh, yes; and then another man HHJ played a half-grown Qddlo." H His Mistake. HB "It Is strango that n man llko Mr. flHJ f' Draynes, with so many good Ideas as BBL ' to goveimueut, should command so Bfl little attention In public life." BBf "Yes," answered Senator Sorghum. BBJ "Ho Is ono of tho pcoplo who flguro BBJ out how things ought to bo, Instead ot BBfl. finding out how thoy aro going to ho flBJT und laying his plans accordingly." IH Washington Star. HH Liable to Damages. BBV "Papa, what's that rod light out In HBg tho street for?" BBl "It's to wnrn coplo that the strcot BBJ Is dangerous." BBg "Do they always sot lights out when BBV n street Is dangorous?" BBf "Not always. -Novor heard of 'em i setting nny out In Wall street." Do- BBfli trolt Tribune. f V Her Object. i "Did you hear that statomont Mrs. HBu Tattlo Is making." HBr "Yes, and ey.ory word of It Is truo." HHU "But I supposed Mrs", Tilttlo was BHy meroly n gossiping romancor." BJH "Well, she's tolling tho truth this IBfl tlmo becauso slio knows It will make BBV more trouble." BBV L,ots of Deaux. H "Then," aUl tlio jlltml lover, "am BBTk I to understand that I no longor sway H your iicrt?" BlB "That's v,lmt!" replied tho Bumraor BBVJ girl; "for awhile, at least, my heart BJ will bo controlled by o syndicate." BBBe Enjoyed the Cnange. K "He's married, all right." BHfi "How can you tell? Ho has no BlBi: wire with blm " BHW "I know, and eco how happy be Is BHt even at this dull summer hotel." HBflf; m ' BJHhkJ-jfcwj n.. -ji A Collection of Idiots. "I want to ask for tho hand of your daughter In marr'gc," said the young man, "You're an Idiot I" said the Irate father, "I know It. lint I didn't suppose 'you'd object to another ono In the famllyl" ' Clear the Track. "I sen that some of the Sioux tribe of IndlniiH nru buying automobiles." "Oettlng 'em cheaper than white bikers' Could, I suppose." "Why so?" "Ilecaiise they don't need any honk honk! They can furnish the wnr-whoops!" Similar In One Respect. 8ho Occasionally, wo hear n woman wom-an speak of hcavoni.n about tho same tono sho would usty In speaking of a summor resort. Ho Well, she has causo for It. That's whoro we'll havo to go to or suffer from tho heat Detroit Tribune. Trib-une. Quoting Him. "I was Just quoting Senator Sugaroft as you camo up." "How Is ho quoted?" "He saya times will be good this fall." "Oh, I thought you were quoting his price." Houston Post. 8trlke Breakers. nilklns What! You did not at to him back when ho slapped you In o face? Fllklns How could I? I had my umbrella um-brella in ono hand and my gloves In tho other. Translated for Talos from Meggondorfcr matter. Mutually Satisfactory Arrangement. They had been married In duo and nnclcnt form. Ocoffrey," said the young wife, "you endowed mo with nil your worldly world-ly goods, didn't you?" "I did," answered tho young husband. hus-band. "Well, I hereby glo them back to you." "Owcndolen," ho sold, "you prom-Ised prom-Ised to obey me, did you not?" "I did." "Well, dear, I hereby solemnly command com-mand you to do as you pleaso hereafter, hereaf-ter, no matter what orders I may glvo you." On that basis they lived happily over after. Reminiscences. Mario (after tho honeymoon) Max, denr, hero is the trco uador which you kissed mn for tho flrst tlmo. Max You're always raking up old memories. I'll have that treo cut down. Marie (after tho treo has been cut down) Do you remember. Max Dear, this Is the very spot where tho trco grow, Tableau. Translated for Talcs from Kllcgondc Blatter. Fit. "It fits you," nrgucd tho modlsto, but tho summer person shrugged her shoulders archly. "It fits mo," sho said, drily, "but It doesn't fit the' exigencies. I am 30 5 ears old. My tlmo Is short. My bathing suit should correspond. Do jou understand?" Tho modiste bowed and went for her shears. Puck. Where He Fell Down. Archibald I wll do anything In the world for you. dearest. Hclcne Will you? Archibald If you would only try mo! Hclene Then take this collarette to Catchcm's department store nnd exchange ex-change It for n slzo larger; I've lost tho slip. Puck Cause of the Change. "Tho water was cold when I came In," said the thin bather, "but It feels warm now. I suppose It's because I'vo got used to It." "Huh, uh," responded tho fat bather. bath-er. "A Iloston girl Just wont out e?rf a New Orleans girl camo In." Detroit Tribune. Where They Were. "My husband and I read to each other oth-er every uvenlng. now; It's Just splendid," splen-did," said Mrs. Nowllwed; "why don't you and your flanco do that when ho calls on you?" "Ornclous!" replied Miss Do Mulr, "how can you read In tho dark?" Nothing Doing. Nell I told him If he dared to kiss mo ho'd be sorry for It. Hello And was ho? jj' " Nell No; but I was; I was soildo told him. y. Unkind. vL Dlgby I lost my mind when I was sick. Hlgby When do you expect It back? Judge. VERY OBLIGING. : ' "? '& rvuirev. Orocer Ten pounds of flour, ma'a ra. Shall I send It for you? Mrs. Takltt No, I'll tako It with mo If It Isn't too heavy. Grocer (absently) I'll make it as light for you an I possibly can. Quite Hopeless. "Dear Pop," wrote tho boy from tho art school, "don't sond mo any mora monoy I havo saved halt that which you sont mo last month." "Como homo," wired tho old man, "you'll novor make an artist." Puck, A Come-Back. Mrs. Mayhom I'm suro I don't know why I over married n one-eyod brute like you! Mr. Mayhem I do. If I'd had two eyes. I'd havo looked further. Choice of Evils. ! Singleton Just ns soon as a woman can raanago a man her lovo begins to cool. Weddorly-Yes; ond Just as soon as sho dlscoers sho can't manage him J sho boglns to make It hot for him. The Czar's Thoughts. "I wonder what tho crar thought when ho heard there was dynumlto undor bis apartments?" "I guess ho thought he'd prefer tb ground floor of a cellarless houso." t |