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Show Neighborly Zeat. "1 understand Mr. Gadspur has a new stenographer who Is a beauty." "Yes. a dazzling creature. If there ever was oiiv.'." 'Do you suppose Mrs. Gadspur knows about It?" "I should say so! Mrs. Clipping, who lives next door, heard the news from Mr. Clipping and got out of a sick bed to tell Mrs. Gadspur." Anything But That. Mttorly The only trouble with my new car is that it travels smoother with the rear seats loaded and there's only myself and ray wife to use It. Footer I suppose, then, you treat your friends to rides. Motorly Certainly not. I carry sundbag ballast. Successful Way. "Did that cultured book agent sell you a set of Hugo's works?" "No, I talked him out of It." "How did you do that?" "I noticed that every time I mispronounced mispro-nounced 'Les Mlserables' he writhed In his chair, so I kept it up until the poor devil fled." Ornamental but Useless. "There Is always a rainbow after the storm," remarked the purveyor of perfunctory cheer. "Not always," rejoined Farmer Corn-tossel. Corn-tossel. "And besides I never knew a rainbow to repair In the slightest degree de-gree the damage that a storm leaves behind It." All He Remembered. "Tell me of your tour to the homes of famous English poets. Tlw home of Shelley?" "They stung us forty cents a gallon for gasoline." "And the home of Byron?" "There we had a bad puncture." Refined Schedule. "I want my daughter to have a real genteel education." "Of course, we understand that, madam." "Then what's the meaning of her studying about common nouns and vulgar vul-gar fractions?" SENSIBLE GIRL Maude I haven't heard you practicing prac-ticing on the piano since you got engaged. en-gaged. Marie No, I'm practicing on the gas range now. The Way Now. Mary has a little vote, And all the manly soula That Mary knows are urging her To take it to the polls. A Bad Break. "Were you at the christening?" "Yes, and the father made a terrible break." "That ol" "Yep, tried to tip the minister a dollar." dol-lar." Renewed Curiosity. "That old fellow must have been treated with goat glands." "What makes you think so?" "The way he Is always butting Into other people's affairs." The Reason. "Do you like silk shirts?" "No." "Then why do you wear them?" "Just to show folks I can afford 'em." Great Place. "What Is Utopia?" "That's the place where the government govern-ment pays every man a salary for minding his own business." A Difficulty, "Be optimistic. There Is really no black obstacle to progresa." "Have you ever been In a trolley car held up by a coal cart?" Its Nature. "The doctor detected the Inclpleni fever at once In Henry's system." "Then It must have been the shotted shot-ted fever." View of a Vender. "You hear a lot about Easy street." "Well?" "But a man who peddles articles from door to door never finds It." A Good Reason. "Why Is the engineer on that line so in lie h In demand?" "Beams his record Is botb. cartful cart-ful nml wreck-las. " |