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Show Regret Lightning, Bacon A Berlin professor estimates esti-mates the commercial value in electricity elec-tricity of a flash of lightning lasting for one-thousandth of a second at 29 cents. Egbert That accounts for some people being timid when there is lightning. light-ning. They hate to lose so much money. Drawing the Line. Bill Are you a vivisectionist? Jill What's that? "Why one who believes in cutting things." "Well, I'm a vivisectionist when it comes to cutting household expenses but not when it cornea to cutting mj salary." Difficult Situation. "Well, women vote in your district now." "Yes, and I hardly know how to campaign among 'em." "You have a good line of homespun oratory." "But I dunno if women will like being be-ing appealed to as the plain people." A Mean Man. "What are you working on now?" "I am trying to combine the thistle with the cactus." "Of what use will be such a spiny, thorny herb?" "I have promised to name a plant after my mother-in-law. This will be it." A Bad Bargain. "They say she literally bought the count and now I guess she wishes she'd bought him ou the installment plan." "Why so?" "Then all she'd have to do would be to stop payments and they would take him away." PLAIN ENGLISH. Cholly You say your sister isn't in? Are those her exact words? Johnny No; ter be exact, she said: "Tell der lobster I ain't in." Different Kinds. One optimist will seek to ffrow A wiser race than this; Another merely strives to show That Ignorance Is bliss. His Honor Gets Cynical. Judge What was the cause of the rumpus? Policeman Well, you see, Judge, this man here and that woman there are married. Judge Yes, yes, I know; but what was the other cause? Put on the Waiting List. Congressman Want a job, eh? What can you do? Constituent Nothing. Congressman Sorry, but those high-salaried jobs are all taken long ago. You must wait for a vacancy. Constant Revelation. "Every time I read Shakespeare I discover some idea that hadn't struck me before." "Yes," replied the man who yawns. "But isn't it pretty much the same way with an insurance policy?" Great Expectation. Millionaire A fit husband for my daughter? Why, in the first place, she is half a head taller than you. Suitor Well, sir. I don't expect to be so short after I am married. In the Museum. "This stone is covered with hieroglyphics," hiero-glyphics," explained the curator. "Why didn't they have the board of health exterminate them?" asked the woman from upstate. Breaking the News to Father. Doctor Mr. Blinks, your wife Is very ill Indeed. Blinks Let me know the worst at once is it Atlantic City, Palm Beach or San Francisco? |
