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Show Long Way Between. John was the new boy at the board, ing house. His mistress was scolding scold-ing him because he never surmounted, an obstruction. "John," she said, ''w'len I sent you for a two-pound loaf of cake and they had none, why in the world did you not bring two one-pound cakes? This would be exactly the same- thingr , John seemed to grasp the knowl- -edge. His mistress thought so until the next day. She was going on a journey, and,, being a large, stout woman, told John, to engage her two seats in the 'bus.. When John returned she asked: "Did you have any difficulty?" "No, madam,", replied the hopeless. John, "but I could not get them both together, so I got one in the inside and one on the top!" On His Dignity. An English officer tells of an incident inci-dent which occurred to his regiment-One regiment-One day the colonel had to reprimand severely a recruit. The next day this recruit was on sentry duty when the-colonel the-colonel passed by. Noticing that the sentry failed to give him the usual salute, sa-lute, the colonel intentionally passed, him a second and even a third time. To his astonishment the salute was each time omitted. "Do you know who I am?" the colonel col-onel asked, indignantly. "Yes, sir," the sentry answered. "Don't you know you ought to salute sa-lute me?" pursued the colonel. ' Aye, but," said the; sentry, "thee-and "thee-and me fell out yesterday." Washington Washing-ton Star. No Precedent. Mrs. Lewis had made it a practice every night just before bedtime to-read to-read some verses from the Bible to her little, ones. Among those verses which she particularly endeavored to impress on their young minds was, "Whosoever smiteth thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also." The follow.ing morning Jack came into the house sobbing bitterly. "Why, what's the matter?" anxiously anxious-ly queried the mother. "Sister hit me." "Have you forgotten about turning the other cheek?" "N-n-n-no, boo-hoo!" wailed Jack,, "but I couldn't; she hit me in the middle." mid-dle." Harper's Magazine. Interested at Once. "My dear, you ought to pass up frivolous friv-olous things and take, an interest in-deep in-deep subjects. Take-history, for instance. in-stance. Gessler, the. tyrant, put up a. hat for the Swiss to salute." The lady was a trifle interested. "How was it trimmed?" she inquired. Louisville Courier-Journal. Excitable. "Blinks is the most excitable man I ever met," "Why this sudden outburst?" "Last night he heard an amateur actor recite Hamlet's soliloquy, via, phonograph, and he threw eggs at the machine." Corrected. "The heavy explosions of a battle always cause rain. It rained a!'t.jr Waterloo. It rained after FonteDoy. It rained after Marathca." "But Marathon was '" uglit nilk spears and arrows, my dear." "There you go acun. Always-throwing Always-throwing cold water na everything I have to say." A Legitimate Excuse. "Wliat excuse have you for not supporting sup-porting your family?" asked th indue in stentorian tones whatever that may mean. "I have to support an auto," el-claimed el-claimed the culprit, and the judge, knowing how it was himself, gave-him gave-him the price of a gallon of gasoline. Diplomacy. Magistrate Why did you beat your ulte so unmercifully? Prisoner wn, yer honor, she aggravated ag-gravated me hv savin' she'd have me up before that bald-headed old fooL. meanin' you, yer honor Magistrate You're discharged. -Boston Transcript. Finesse. "What was the subject of your commencement essay, .lane?" '"What Astronomers Know of th Inhabitants of Mars.' " ''Why such a queer subject?" "I didn't have time to write much Horrors of War in Russia. The Governor And wnnt ,.e))0rt i you bring us from our provinces? The Subordinate Your honor, slnoe the abolition of vodka the hurdv peasantry peas-antry are unable to promuim-e the names of their vlllKOs.-l'uck. |
