OCR Text |
Show ' Poor Father., Ernest P. Bicknell, the' national dl--rector of the American Red Cross,. was talking in New Yorlc about the-splendid the-splendid work that h organization Is doing in Belgium. "We are nupplyi1ig the Belgians, he said, "with 512,0.00,000 worth of food a month. We re also supplying supply-ing food to the inhabitants of Poland, whom Germany has.aken over. "We have a good deal to do, eh?.' We are like the father who said: " 'At last, at last, I've got my five-' daughters off my hands. Now to put my five sons-in-law on their feet." Aunt Emmy's Code The old black cook of a southern' family was horrified to find that one. of the young negroes, employed as a. helper in the kitchen, had been caught, stealing. "I don't believe in stealin'," said' Aunt Emmy. "I don't never take: nothin' 'cept its something to eat or something to wear or somethin" what I thinks the missus don't want or somethin' de ole boss is got toot blind to miss!" Generous Lad. Little Johnny was in bed -with: measles. "Won't you please ask my teacher to come and see me?" he asked his mother one day. "You dear, good boy," exclaimed. hisui&thaifcwK&Iln. yon really love your -teacher so much?" "It ain't that, mother," replied Johnny. "I want her to catch the. measles so the other hoys can stay-away stay-away from school, too." She Gave the Information. An old lady said on her return from the city: "My rich son-in-law took me out to-a to-a prize fight one evening. I never saw such a thing. The two men came out on the stage and shook hands like the best of friends. Then they began to punch each other, and all for nothing. noth-ing. They kept on punching away till a man in the corner yelled 'Tirme!" Nobody answered him, so I pulled out my watch and shouted, 'Ten o'clock.' " Disqualified. "If you will split some kindling wood for the kitchen fire," said the lady of the house, "I'll be glad to give-you give-you something to eat." "Sorry, lady," replied the wayfarer "but I ain't been able to keep up me dues in the Kindling Splitters' Union, and I'm afraid the walking delegates would get after me if I done any o that kind of work." A Bad Sign. "I'm afraid that play of yours la going to be a failure, old man." "What makes you think so?" "Well the management doesn't seem to have any trouble keeping the ticket speculator away from the door." In After Years. It gives a woman a jar when she asks her husband if he !n.ves her as much as ever to have hi'ji glance up from his newspaper andinswer absent-mindedly, "Uh-huh." Afraid She Wouldn't. "Why so sad and downcast?" "My wife has threatened to leave me." "Cheer up; women are always threatening something like that, but they hardly ever do it." "That's what I was thinking." Year After Year. "They can't fool all the people all: the time." "But the summer hotel proprietor manages to stick us for two weeks of It" Louisville Courier-Journal Cheap at That. The Insolvent. Tell nie, l3 lt crime to be poor? The Lawyer.-Not ta this The charge for my opiuion subject is 53. Pay my c, out quietly Judge. Ea One Profession Tabooed rorrpb0;vou have his" "tton. o be the mafe assistant Z T dancing teacher.' a Km |