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Show Kathleen Norris Says: Be Careful When You Give Advice Bell Syndicate WNU Features. By KATHLEEN NORRIS "A WOMAN friend wrecked my marriage," writes a i Los Angeles woman. "She meant it well, of course; she was indignant because she thought I had been badly treated and talked me into divorce. But it ruined my happiness just the same. "I had been married about seven years," the letter goes on, "when things began to go wrong between Phil and me. We never quite got together on the question of money; I had been raised without any training in managing my affairs, af-fairs, and I know now that while I wasn't an extravagant wife, I was slipshod in money matters, and kept him resentful and uneasy. I hated budgets, and if Phil asked me to sit down and go over our accounts ac-counts and expenses, I always pulled away. My attitude was, I'll do the best I can and for heavens sake don't nag me. "Now I see that I was wrong. Perhaps Per-haps he was impatient and exacting with an inexperienced housekeeper, but I was wrong, too. Money leakage leak-age and waste keep rrrany a good husband worrying and uneasy, when just a little common sense, and giving giv-ing him the feeling that financial responsibility is a burden shared, would end the difficulty. Woman Disrupts Happy Home. "We had two small boys, and I had a good kitchen helper when I met the woman I'll call Vera. She had been my mother's friend; in a way she seemed to take my mother's moth-er's place. I confided in her, and she always sided with me. She thought I ought to have more amusement pleasure, more frocks and luxuries, without ever asking me jiist how near Phil could come to paying for them. At the time he was helping care for a widowed sister who had small twins to raise; Vera was indignant over that, and she somewhat infected me with the same resentment. If we went downtown down-town shopping together she would make me select a smart new hat or bag; sometimes paying for it her-stlf, her-stlf, sometimes charging it to Phil either proceeding made him furious. "The boys were sick and I got the flu from them; Vera moved in to nurse me. It made me very uncomfortable un-comfortable even though it really did help. Afterward Phil said he hoped we could drop her and we quarrelled; he was in money difficulties, diffi-culties, one thing led to another, and finally I found Vera urging me to ask for my freedom. Then, she said, Phil couldn't ride me about the way I spent my money; he couldn't come home drunk and frighten the boys which he did twice and I would have my children and my home to possess in peace. "In an evil hour, instead of thinking think-ing how tired and burdened , and harassed he was, And how justified justi-fied in resenting the presence of this officious older woman in his home, I did apply for divorce, on the grounds of mental cruelty. I secured it, and had my freedom. It is not too much to say that I have not had an hour of true happiness since. Even my joy in my children doesn't seem the same, for I have cheated them of home and father, and done them irreparable injury. Vera lived with me for a few months; we parted part-ed and have never seen each other since, and that was three years ago. "Phil came to our town, as a commander com-mander in the navy, a few weeks ago. He wanted to borrow my boys for a few weeks; under our divorce agreement he has the right. He has married a fine, gentle girl, has a baby girl of his own. We talked like two ghosts of what might have been. He went away with the boys and here I am, staring out into a spring night and wondering "Make the boys' characters sane, gimple and strong." WW "Instead of thinking how justified he was in resenting the presence of this officious older woman in his home, did apply fbr a divorce." DON'T INTERFERE No matter how well-intentioned advice is, it may do untold harm. Miss Norris tells how a meddling older woman wrecked a young wife's home by constant criticism of the husband and finally by urging the wife to seek a divorce. What started as small arguments argu-ments over budgets and extravagance ex-travagance developed into bitterness bit-terness as the wife thought she was being abused and restricted. restrict-ed. Then when the husband fell into financial difficulties during the depression and took to drink, the wife decided de-cided that she could not go on. All the time she was under un-der the influence of this older old-er woman, a friend of her mother's. When she 'took the fatal step and obtained a divorce on grounds of mental cruelty, she was following the advice of this "friend." No sooner was she "free" than she began be-gan to regret her hasty action. ac-tion. "I have not had an hour of true happiness since," she confides. "Even my joy in my children doesn't seem the same, for I have cheated them of home and father, and done1 them irreparable injury." All this because of the bad advice of a busybody! what craziness possessed me when I threw my life away." Work and Happiness Ahead. Well, to a certain extent, Mar-jorie, Mar-jorie, we all throw our lives away. We all make mistakes and miss opportunities. op-portunities. Your tragic error was in believing that a detached, idle woman, with nothing to do but try to steal a part of your life, could possibly give you wise advice. But cheer up; you are not 30 years old yet In getting into some hard necessary nec-essary activity, and not only helping help-ing physically to bring nearer the time when a better day will dawn for us all, but also fitting yourself mentally for the needs of the new world, you will find healing. There is work and happiness ahead for you; life isn't over. The years ahead of us are going to be the most thrilling thrill-ing in the history of the world, and with two sons to build for, you will soon become absorbed in the new plans and new ideals. Make the boys' characters as sane, simple, strong as you can. Lose yourself your-self in service; war-production service, serv-ice, service at home with your sons, Red Cross service, service to all the organizations that are holding civilization together; boy and girl scouts, war chests, community chests, entertainment of service men, canteens, there are a hundred hun-dred avenues of useful and fascinating fascinat-ing work open to you. You can't tell what fate has still in store for you: what you do know now is that marriage mar-riage is a sacred matter, that il concerns two persons alone, and that however well-meant, outside interference inter-ference always makes trouble. Women Improve Factories Hexre are some of the construe tive by-products of the employmenl of women in war plants that rr.aj be expected to carry over into the post-war industrial plant, according to the National Metnl Trades asso ciation: "Establishment of better lighting, heating, sanitary and similar conveniences, con-veniences, more pleasant surroundings surround-ings and better housekeeping: greater great-er provision for safety; increase ir conveniences for handling material in process." |