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Show KATHLEEN NORMS Money Decides Marital Course IN ONE OF THESE articles, some time ago, I said that money mon-ey was the most important consideration con-sideration where the success or failure of a marriage was concerned. con-cerned. Hundreds of women wrote me in answer, and most of them were shocked at so material a view, and protested that in a true marriage money was but a minor consideration. "When we were married we had nothing," many of these letters from happy wives said. "I would Lee doesn't get his raise, and the only thing that is raised is the roof when he discovers that young Lee has broken a window downtown to the tune of nine dollars. dol-lars. High living costs distract Diana; she tells Lee that there will have to be a change, she can't go on. And Lee worries and frets in his turn, and wonders how he is going to tell her that there are to be changes at the office, too. Fil-more Fil-more for manager. Filmore! Five vears vouneer than Lee. and marry Dick if he hadn't a penny," said the girl's letters. Old women grandmothers, great grandmothers grandmoth-ers wrote me that it was not safe to put such ideas into the heads of idealistic youth. Chances with Love It is impossible to answer all these letters personally, but this might stand as a sort of answer to them all. What I meant in my article was by no means what they took it to mean. It would be unnatural and absurd to suggest that a girl in love measures the claims of the man she does not love against the claims of the man she does, because the first mentioned men-tioned has a good income and the second none. Her chances with love weighing down the scale, are infinitely the better. Millions of happy American marriages mar-riages perhaps it would be safe to say most American marriages trained by Lee! When they separate nobody mentions men-tions money. ' Lee says that he hates for the children to hear scrapping scrap-ping all the time, and Diana tells her lawyer that Lee's insensitive-ness insensitive-ness to the strain under which she lives amounts to severe cruelty. If the financial situation were restful and secure, rather than subject sub-ject to every domestic storm that blows, none of these things would disturb it. Crises like dentist and doctor would have their place; Lee would trust Diana and Diana would take pride in holding expenses ex-penses down. So don't minimize the importance of money, you young husbands and wives. Or rather, settle it honestly honest-ly and fairly, and then you can forget for-get as completely as you please. Ask yourselves if you are being just about it. A few years ago a rapturous, engaged young woman was talking to me and to her mother of her new household. ". . . if be hadn't a penny . . ." start on a very shaky financial basis. Usually, the man has a job, and the girl her trousseau and wedding wed-ding gifts, and perhaps a few wedding wed-ding checks. That's all. Ten, 15, 50 happy years later they love to look back at the earlier earl-ier difficulties, the money shortages, short-ages, the scares and crises. But to survive these crises takes all the character and courage young people have. Some of those who haven't enough character and courage muddle through simply because they can't separate. Others keep putting off divorce because it is their nature to procrastinate. pro-crastinate. And the muddlers and the procrastinaters often find themselves emerging into better times, easier finances, older children, chil-dren, a more developed attitude, toward the seriousness of marriage. mar-riage. Money Question Lurks But under the trouble, even though it seemed to be a matter of not loving enough, or having no common interests, or being actually actual-ly incompatible, the money question ques-tion was always lurking. When there is a money adjustment, adjust-ment, nerves get frazzled. Lee takes it much too casually, and Diana frets. Or Diana hasn't the slightest idea of the value of money mon-ey and charges dresses and hats as though every charge wasn't going go-ing to be entered on the bills. The baby's threatened mastoid turns out to cost $300. Diana won't bother with a budget, or Lee gets mad whenever she asks him where that $10. went. When Lee's mother comes to visit vis-it it's a question of entertaining, and of hearty lunches, which doubles doub-les bills. Diana can't ask her to eat a peanut butter sandwich in the kitchen. When Lee spends four days in bed with flu there's the doctor again, and Wilson, at the office, gets the commission that Lee might have had |
