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Show WITH THE JESTEJttS HUMOR OF LIFE PUT UP IN P.MALL PACKAGES. Openlrg of the Hunting Sepson Duly Chronicled Little Circumstance That Cheered Up Unfortunata Man In the "Smart Set." Adding Insult to Injury. Sho bad Just handed him tho frosty mitt, but he was game to thu last hurdle. "If you are ever In trouble." be said, "do not hosltnto to lift up your volco nnd you will find mo Mohnu) on tho Bpot. " "I'm In trouble now," nnswcicd the human refrlgointor with a sigh long drawn out. "And behold I" exclaimed t'io unsuspecting unsus-pecting youth, "I ntn here." "Ye.t," kite Bald, "that's tho trouble.' His Case Not So Bad After All. "Ah, It's a sud old world," sighed tho man who had boon cheated out of 520. "Yes," assented his neighbor; "one of my horses got his head fast In tho ,hajrack last night nnd Imike his neck. I was offeioi! ?2u0 for him less than a inoiitt ngo." "i'hI awl That's too Hid Looks us 'hough It was goln' to'bilglten up, don't It'" And bo went on his way whtstllig checi fully. Up Against a Frcet. Jack So you unrated to got nc-quulntcd nc-quulntcd wuh Mtsn M.lljur.s nt tho , sensUore, eh 7 Tom Yea. Sho dropped l'- hnnd-korcfllef hnnd-korcfllef on t'io bench, and drier picking pick-ing It up I made a fow remarks for tho purposo of brcaklrg the Ice us It were. Jask And was your Ico-brcaklng effort a success? Tom Oh, yes; but I didn't cut any. Might Be She Bumps. "That man Is n phrenologist, Pat." "A what?" asked Pat, puzzled. "A phrenologist." "An' Buro. what's that. Borr?" "Why, a man that can toll, by feeling feel-ing the bumps on your head, what kind of a man you arc." "Humps on my head, Is It?" exclaimed ex-claimed Pat. "Degorro, then, I think It would glvo him moro of on Idea what kind of a woman mo wlfo Is!" Not In Any Rush. "Swing low, sweet chnrlot!" exclaimed ex-claimed Deacon Darklolgh. "Swing low! Swing rnlght straight In ermongst us, en pick us up w'enst wo ain't lookln', en tok us off w'llst wo novah drcamln' dat yo' comln' at all! Swing low, en swing fnst!" "Hoi' on dah, Hrothch Darklelgh," shouted Ulder Snowball. "Hoi' on dah. Wo doan' wan' no ottcrmobllo buslnoss erbout dls yah sweet chariot!" The Easier Way. "I'vo boon two weeks trying to coax my husband to glvo mo $50 to buy a now dress," complalnej Mrs. Gazzara to Mrs. WIfflcs. "I never do that." "What do you do?" "I have my now dross charged and loavo my husband to fight It out with the collector." Harper's Bazar. Conflict of Opinion. "What a bright looking baby!" commented com-mented tho male caller. "Do you think so?" nskod tho proud father. "You know everybody says It looks just liko me." "Well, you believe what I tell you, old man," replied tho caller, soothingly. soothing-ly. "Tho others aro jealous that's what's tho matter with them." Out of Sorts. "Soe here," said tho conceited young stump speaker, "you promised to print my speech in full, and you haven't given moro than half of iL" "Yes," roplied tho editor of the county paper, ''but I didn't promise to buy tho extra fonts -of capital I's wo found wo'd need." i Hunting Note. Tho "coon" season ls now oa. Sorry He Spoke. Little Girl "Please, sir, mamma wants a spool of red silk." Crusty Shopkoepor "Why didn't your mother havo senso enough to tell you tho exact shado of red?" Little Girl "Sho did, sir; sho said bout the color of your no3o." Might Be Worse. Mrs. Parvenu- -And then tho whole awful story got into tho papers. Mrs, Bcenthero Oh, well, matters might bo still (worso. It might have been dramatized, Judge. Thoughtful.. ':'-lwBl "Havo you any more duns?" Inquired' BBfl the Btiltnn of Turkey 1sYJ "A fow," answered tho court offl- BB IBB "Well, let mo have thorn." IBB "I hope your majesty is not going Bfl to allow yoursolf to bo personally ,. B9 worried by theso Importunate" ' "Net at all. The pearl of tho harom .'B. wants them. Sho is making an auto- graph collect!.)!!." Brought Him to "lime. HB Mary "George. I havo heard you M spoken of frequently as a successful H business man " Bb. (J torse "I am that. Why?" Mary "Well, considering tho fact H that you have been visiting mo for ,H tlnee years, I thlnktou Bhould main B9 tain our reputation nnd talk' busl- BB Bfl He maintained bis reputation. Bfl BJB His Sympathetic Feeling. H "Tho days are growing shorter," ro Bfl marked Slniplemuss. B9 "t'hoy hnve my sympnlhy," remark Bfl ed the Wlxo Guy; "I have tho best o( B9 Bfl Bfl "I can't bo any shorter than I am H Bfl Why So Cruel? M It Yans 1 lovo music, but B stwnngo to sny I can't carry a slngto Bj air in my head, Bj Sho it Is strange. 1 hero's room Bfl enough for a wholo opera? Bfl No Wonder. M Doris Yes, sho was furious about Bfl tho way In which that paper reported ,,, B her marrlago. Bfl Helen Did It alludo to her age? B9 DorlB Indirectly. It stated that H "Miss Ohio ami Mr. Yolo wero mar- H rlcd, the latter being a well, known BJ collector or antiquities." ;B Bb A Sure Winner. 'B "Do you think thoro is nuy prospect Bfl of Inventing a (lying mnchlnco that IB will bo commercially useful?" Bfl "Certainly," nnswercd tho aoronaut. H "I havo ono which Is bound to maka BB money. All you havo to do Is to get H people to pay for tho privilege of Bee- H Ing it go up." IB Case Was Hopeless. H "But he comes from one of the best H families," urged the mother. )Bfl "Oh, yes, I know," sho said, wearily, H " but couldn't ho bo induced to re- 'H Bfl And then her parent know It was of HB no further uso trying to anango the H match. Bfl Troubles Still Ahead. H "Well," said the lady who was en BB dcavorlng to givo tho widow 'console- H tlon on tho way homo from the come H tery,' "the worst Is over now." Bfl "I'm afraid not," answered tho af- H dieted ono, "tho lawyer says there's a H bad flaw in ono of the insurance poll H Bfl Condensed. Bfl Side Show Man Seo hero, your H paper said tho, biggest snake in mr "Bfl state fair show was twenty feet long, Bfl vhen it's really thirty-one feet HH Editor Sorry, but we wero crowded H for space yestorday and had to cut K everything down. Indianapolis News. H In "the 8mrt Set." Vj "I understand the ol' phrase about H 'marrying and giving in marrlago' is H now considered obsolcto In Gotham's H swell sot." HB "How hnvo thoy changed it?" H "Why, thoy speak of 'marrying and Bfl buying in marriage.' " HB Still Under the Spell. Mrs. Powers Hozeklahi If you were) H to llvo your life all over again, and It H came to tho matter of choosing a wife, dorou think you would chooso me?" Mr. Powers (submissively There's K no doubt about It, Maria, provided you Afll wanted me. flB What Did 8he Mean? Mr. Dearono "Fancy! I put my ' HH hat on that wet towel. I wondor on 'Bfll what ridiculous thing I shall place it Mrs. Dearono "On your head, I Bfl suppose, lovo." BJ A Child's Frankness. Bjfl Llttlo Bobby was Inspecting the new fl baby for tho first time, and bis dictum H was as follows: (HB "I B'pose It's nice enough, what ABJ there ls ot it but I'm sorry it ain't SBJ parrot." Bfl Gloveless Preliminaries. H Dinwiddle Tho govornor of Ken 4H tucky is trying to stop a prlzo fight IflB scheduled for that state. iWjk Van Braam Yes, tho Kentucky au BFB thorltlcs will endeavor to handle th Bjfl glovo contost without gloves. aWflsl A Snado Ahead. o HB "Yes, I bollovo In ghosts. I havo 3BH seen at least ono in my llfo." " 4iflH "Well, I havo never seen any. You nHH havo a shado tho best-.of mo." r , Bfla ' ' 'N.rJBaBJ ! ',BJ iP ' g ' !flfl I ' " ' ifirrw !' ijih j. vjfcaBfl |
