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Show Philosophical Observations I Q lly 11VRON WILLIAMS " i Did you over ponder on tho uses of newspapers? They nro printed to rtud, but there aro people who boast they never read their homo papers merely use ' them for pantry shelves, etc. principally etc. h m ,!" " papers nro to bo used on pantry shelves some w j "' fnncy flB"rc8 should bo cut In tho edges. Fold the Newspaper. paper nnd with tho scissors cut n pretty dido or monogram. Then spread on tho shelves. Tho monogram border cannot fall to lnctllcato a lovo of tho beautiful In llttlo Wllllo when ho Blips Into tho pantry pan-try in search of Jam. Tho newspaper Is very good underpinning for carpets. Mop the floor clean, lay papers Hat and roll carpet over them to place. This Is much better than tho old way of placing Btiaw beneath the carpet. It Is more Intellectual nnd obviates tho uudeslrablo presenco of nil occasional corncob, horsoshoo or the falso teeth of a cow which now and then get Into tho straw pllo nnd undor the carpet. Mr. Weary Wandering llaglctts, cousin to Dusty Illiodes, has also discovered discov-ered n use for nowspapers. They nro his mattress and his coverlet In tho paloco box car whero ho slccpeth. Verily, ho Is kept from pneumonia thereby. ' Nowspapers have boon used for stulllug sofa pillows, but wc would not recommend them for this purpose. They nro not apt to retain that pristine orectness for which they are noted when In wad form and they rattle! This Is very objectionable to youngdaillca who nro trying to get Stcadyboy to "break over"! As moth preventatives newspapers ate worth their weight In gold. First, get u sealskin. If this causes lnconvenlenco buy a canine cover. Wrap said furry garment carefully In newspapers. In Blnlt n" tuo apertures In the paper. Pepper freely nnd servo er, wo menn hang carefully In tho closet. If tho newspaper news-paper Is real hot editorially pepper will not bo necessary. Wo will glvo a written guaranty with this UBago. It Is simply Inviolate, as It were. Newspapers aro alEo useful In tho toilet. Torn Into bits and used ns curl papers they transform Curly Locks' locks Into distracting llttlo rlnglet3. As goat fodder newspapers have no superior, even tin cans bolng relegated to tho spinal column-rthnt Is, to tho back. For wrapping furnlturo and picnic dinners newspapers nro very handy and fell for so much per pound. Ily tho ny, what Is It the young womnn wraps In a. nowspnper when sho goes to stay nil night with a friend on tho North Sldo? Newspapers arn used to do up other things politically as well as In a domestic sonsc. Medicinally nowspapers aro great bcncfUcrB. A newspaper Is a non-conductor of hent and a retnlnor of electricity. Thcrcforo nny man or woman who will wear a newspaper across his or her chest will avoid sudden colds and ln fluenza. A newspaper makes nn excellent football and very few men thero nro who don't tako a kick nt It occasionally. Housewives And newspapers useful In defeating tho Intentions of tho Ice trust. A newspaper wrapped carefully about tho congealed cake In tho Icebox will prolong the bIzo of the cooling chunk many hours. There is a slang assertion thnt tho newspaper "cuts some Ice," but this Is not meant literally. Nowspapers may also be used to wrap about foot-warmors In the wlntct Reason, thereby retaining the warmth In tho soapstone and making matrimony that much easier for tho young man who has Tootslo out for a Blolghrlde. Dressmakers use newspapers from wljch to cut patterns, onco again testifying testi-fying to tho fitness of the great American ncwsdlsponser. Newspapers nro, therefore often close to women, nnd their popularity with the fair Bex Is not to be wondered at. The colored supplement of a newspaper 1b useful not only to tho colored people for lly killers, but when covered with water and set In tho pantry of a fashionable whlto man'B palace will kill cockroaches. As window polishers newspapers have no equal, thus assisting to "let a llttlo sunshine In!" Newspapers have long been In uso as lamp chimney cleaners, thereby assisting as-sisting "to keep thy lnmp burning, my brother!" As a morning lire startor the newspaper is simply Indispensable. It 1b Fnfe and reliable, never Rxnlodes nnd is always handy. tnie ami rename, never oxpioueB nnu is always nuuuy. t.oe-slck couples In tho park find newspapers acceptable ns a base for Cupid's maneuvers, thereby avoiding dampness nnd tho wilting of crinoline. Newspapers nro useful for spreading on newly varnished or dow-wct chairs, I and seldom "offset" unless the person camps on the paint-box supplement. j .lohnnlo could not mnkn his kite's tall without the newspaper. Thus many an editorial Is elevated abovo Its original eminence. Laura cuts the newspaper Into mimic men. Thereby many a newspaper man Is made not born! By this same process such a condition Ib pro-oml-uent that nn editorial writer knows not his own child after Laura has made doll-babies of his effort. When the towel has forgotten to come home from tho laundry there Is tho ever-faithful newspaper helping along the practice embodied In the IllliUcal iihburniice that "Cleanliness Is next to godliness." A thrifty housewife rolls newspapers, ties a string around tho middle, breaks the roll In the center nnd uses tho papers for coat and dress hangers. This is a simple usage. All ono needs It Ingenuity, tho papers, a string and au extra coat. It Is said by a reasonable authority that nowspapers are used in tho fctulnng ot bnsMos but we do not speak from knowledge or even belief In this regard. However, wo can see no reason why newspapers would not answer this purpose, bolng light, cleanly and non-aromatic. Every good housekeeper knows the value ot newspapers about moving time. Sho wraps them about her fruit Jars and dlBhcs and stuffs tho intellectual intel-lectual sheets between the breakables In great wads. When Mr. "Wise 13oy sweeps his ofllce, which he docs faithfully every three months, he tears newspapers Into bits, then sprinkles them as they He scattered over tho floor. When ho sweeps tho bits keep the dust down and grapplo tho dirt. On a 'cold, cold night when the janitor has neglected to spend 'as much money In coal as the lease calls for, carefully spread newspapers between the -quilts. Thero will be more crackle and snap In the bed coverlet than usual, but you will sleep as cozy as tho proverbial bug In a rug. Newspapers are often used to pluce over the backs of pictures, thereby keeping dust from the cherished production. When the wind howls with glee In winter, raise the window sash and shut it down upon a paper neatly folded. Thus will you calk tho crack and defy "Boreas. What .would the rag-picker do without the newspaper likewise the "rag-chower"? "rag-chower"? But why continue? Tho uses ot newspapers aro multifarious and to continue con-tinue to the end of the category would bo like staying until tho close of a Chinese opera or a continuous Chicago vaudeville. What Bhall wo do with our anarchists? The suggestion most In favor is to plnco them on a lonely Island from which they cannot escape, and leavo them to tho tender mercies of tholr own dynamite. An Irishman has moved to amend this by taking the anarchists away out to Borne Ways of Be0j thero leaving them to hunt their own Island. Dealing With Thero nro other things wo -might do to tho an- the Anarchist. archlBts. Wo might parcel them 'out as sheep herders, far apart on tho plains of arldness. Tho ceaseless bleat ot sheep superinduces craztness. Everybody knows that u crazed anarchist is a bettor citizen than when in his right mind, and then, too, there is the excuse: "To tho mad house!" Another' punishment. If not too drastic, can be recommended. Give each howling anarchist a Washington hand-press, a shirt-tall full ot type and a shootlng-Btlck and set him to running n country newspaper out "West. By tho time hlB paper has reached Vol. I, Number 8, he will be a meek and lowly citizen, tho fire having been drawn from him as the mailstono sucks poison. Either that or tho handles on his coflln wHl be ropo! Thero aro some widows and a few old maids who could -omblazon a wny through the matrimonial wood to a place In history by marrying a few of tho more tractable anarchists, teaching them to saw wood, mind the baby and Incidentally tho head o( tho family. Flatlrons and broomsticks nro preferred weapons In this school. And thero is the Wood-choppers' Union. If tho anarchists could be forced to join this, to tako to tho, woode with a few pounds of "chow" and a double-bitted double-bitted nx, and remain burrowed nil winter wo would at least havo tho matter bcttled until the springtime, Gentle Annie! But, after all, tho Irishman, as witial, has mado a good jtnggestlon. The newspapors toll of ombarrnbBment, and Inconvenience caused grcnt mou In this, country by tho curious populace. From time immemorial this seems to havo bcou ono of tho unpleasant characteristics of grt-atneso. President Presi-dent Uonscvelt quits work, nt 3:30 to avoid being Publicity intercepted by hundreds of clerks who get away Penalty of trom their places of labor nt 4 o'clock and hurry over Greatness. t0 lll0 -vhlto House to "seo" tho President Cicero use', to b no bored by just such curious visitors that ho often slipped out of the back door of tho forum to eluda them. Thoy gathered much the samo as do our people, except that in most instances they insisted on accompanying accom-panying him to the end ot his brief journey. Fortunately tho American peoplo are content tJ "rubber" and not "tag." . In building your nlr-caBtle, however, it would be just .s well to have a back doorl |