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Show SCRAPS minor "Wore you much upset by tho bank failure?" "Yes; I lost my balance." Satire. Before you sympathize with tho under dog, mako sure that ho didn't start tho scrap. Puck. Agnes "Was Emily's operation opera-tion a success?" Gladys "Glorious! She got fifteen presents, a hundred dozen roses, and had two hundred calls of inquiry." Life. Poet "I called to see if you had an opening forme." Editor "Yes, thoro's one right behind you, shut it as you go out, please." Satire. "A genius, Pa " "A genius, my son, is a person per-son who knows enough to bo able to learn something from other people." Woman's Home Companion. Com-panion. Said ono man on tho street, speaking to a friend: "Well, money talks." "Maybe it docsJ'anwscrcdtho t was 'Good-by.' " Editor "Thoro is a sameness about your poetry, I rogrct to say." Magazino Poot (hastily) -"What?" Editor "A sameness." Magazino Poet "Oh. That's bottor. I thought you saidsano-ness." saidsano-ness." Puck. "I made all kinds of excuses to got off to seo them play ball this afternoon." "Wouldn't any of thorn work?" "Yes. Finally I touched tho boss's heart by tolling him I wanted to go to tho ball game." Washington Star. "What makes you think the baby is going to bo a great politician?" poli-tician?" asked tho young mother, anxiously. "I'll toll you," answered the young fathor, confidently; "he can say moro things that sound well and mean nothing at all than any kid I ever saw." Clovoland Plain Dealer. "Don't you think it is dastardly dastard-ly to send a man an infornal machine?" ma-chine?" asked Jones, while motoring mot-oring with Brown. "Oh, I don't know," replied Brown, as tho car gavo a dying groan, half-way up the hill. "If I had an enemy, I'd send him this one." Judge. "Supposo coal is six dollars a ton, and you gavo your dealer thirty dollars, how many tons would ho send you?" j "Three." "Oh, that's wrong." "I know it's wrong, but that's what ho done," Life. First Boarder "Will you pass tho chceso?" Second Boarder "How fast is it traveling?" Judge. "Did Alice's birthday party come off?" "Yes, and i several of her birthdays. birth-days. "" Bostjon Transcript. I Joke-seller -"Did you receive my letter o nd that batch of jokes?" Editor "I received the letter, but I didn't Tsee the jokes." Satire. He "My ather weighed only four pounds; it his birth." She "Goc d gracious! Did he live?" Boat an Tr-nscript. Hicks "I hate a man of one idea." Wicks "Naturally! No one likes to be I excelled." Boston Transcript I "I understand that T. A. Edison Edi-son says tha concrete shoes will bo all the rajlje soon." "Gee! I djuess I'll speak to your father) -ight away. "Houston "Hous-ton Post. Bessie " Wonder if Maude knows that we aro looking at her new gov rn?" Jessie "( 'ertalnly; what do you supposo she is walking down this street for?"Philadelphia Telegraph. Efdith "ll'a is immensely pleased to har you arc a poet." Ferdio-"ls he?" Edith "Ah, very. The last of my lovers! he tried to kick was a footbajfc player. "Denver News. J New Merchant-"How big an 'ad' would ;ou advise?" Advertisilng Man "That depends de-pends on h Aw many tons of customers cus-tomers our mtore floor will sustain. sus-tain. You I wouldn't want 'em to break thwough into the cellar, of course!" Puck. Mfliul il'Wyhf njrn .broke thy engagcmentPbf co"urse you returned re-turned tho diamond ring he gave you." I Ethel-" Certainly not! I don't caro for Jack any more, but my feelings nave not changed toward tho ring." Boston Transcript. The Doctor "Hark! Whence thoso cries of agony?" The Lawyer "They come from the ofiico of the dentist Last week tho chiropodist oper-' atcd on tho dentist, agreeing to take his bill out in trade; and now tho dentist is taking it out ' 'Satire. Mrs. Post "Have you any cooks who can mako mayonnaise, lobster Newburg, and croquettes? Proprietor of Intelligence Office Of-fice (proudly) "Lots of 'em." Mrs. Post (sadly) "Bring me ono of the other kind. I've got dyspepsia." Harper's Bazar. |