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Show THAT REMINDS ME. In some country districts In Ireland It is not unusual to see the owners' names simylv chalked on carts and other vehicles, vehi-cles, in order to comnlv with legal regulations. regu-lations. It is related that a policeman once accosted a countryman whose named had been .wiped out unknown to htm by a mischievous boy. "Is this cart yours, my good man?" "Av coorse it is," was the reply: "do you see anything the matter mat-ter wid it?" "I observe." said the'pom-! the'pom-! nous policeman, "that yer name is ob-litherated." ob-litherated." "Then ye' re wrong," quoth the countryman, who had never come across the long dictionary word before, "foor me name's O'Reilly, an' I don't care who knows lt.' A little east side girl had been looking at pictures of angels and she turned to her mother and asked: "Mamma, why are there no men in heaven?" "But there arc men in heaven," replied the mother. "Then why is it." asked the child, "that we never see any pictures of angels with whiskers or moustaches?" "True, but there are men in heaven," was the reply, "only they get in by a close shave." ' He was strutting up and down before the apartment house as if the whole neighborhood belonged to him, and him alone, when he was approached by a diminutive man, who. doffing his hat. csked in a mild voice: "Can you tell me I If Mr. So-and-so lives here? I can't find his name on the door." "I don't know." hastily interrupted the haughty one; "I am not the janitor." "No?" said the puny person. "Then may I ask why you are swaggering up and down as if you were?" To the number of those most disagreeable disagree-able of human beings, the unreasonable grumblers, should he added a man of whom the Detroit Free Press tells. He was suffering: from inflammatory rheumatism, but was carefullv nursed by his wif. who was devoted to him in spite of his friult-finding. His sufferings caused her to burst into tears sometimes as she 8t by his bedstde. One. day a friend of the invalid came In and asked him how he was getting on. "Badlv! Badly! " he exclaimed. "And its all mv wife's faidt." "lis it possible?" asked the friend, in surprise. "Yes. The doctor told me that humid-It humid-It v was bad for me. and yet that woman sits there and cries and cries." The people of a certain Yorkshire town are blamed as a rule for looking at both sides of a penny before parting wtih it yuite a laughable example occurred the other day. A man. slightly deaf, went to the doctor doc-tor with a bruised finger. The doctor washed and bandaged It, and when the man asked the charge, said: . ; .. "Oh. it is just a trifle, and won't cost anvlhihng." , , .. , "No. sir; vou will need to make It less tha-n that." The doctor, catching on. said: "Very well, we will say two and sixpence. six-pence. Which th man promptly paiil, thinking he had knocked something ott. lawsuit had arisen out of a dispute sbout a risht of way, and the counsel for the landlord, who was the defendant, was cross-examining a venerable laborer wh had testified that to bis own personal per-sonal knowledge there had been a right of way over the disputed land since he was a boy 5 years o:d. "And how old are vou now?" asked the lawyer. "Klghty-fivc." "Klghty-fivc." "But surely you can t remember things which occurred when you were a bnv of 5, eishtv years ago?" said the lawver in affected incredulity. "'Dee.i an" I can. sir.. I tan mind a year afore that, when your father ivild skinflint. as we used to call him " "That will do. You mav go," said counsel redilen- . ing. as a titter ran through the court. "(Jot an awful wallopin' frae Jean Maek- ' intosh " "That'll do!" roared the lawyer, law-yer, writhfully. "For cheaiin' her vear-ol.l lassie "Do you hear? Yij can go. I say!" "Oot o' the change a thrupenny ' bit !" cmvluded the venerable vener-able witness triumphantly, us he slowly left the witness box. A well known " Newarker of the : Newark bar tells the story of a young I man who entered a street car with a dog and attracted the attention of an I Irishman, who inquired what kind of a dog it was. The young man replied: "It is a cross-breed between an ape and j an Irishman." "Then we are both related to it," responded re-sponded the Irishman." A ladv bought a parrot, and was told j when she wanted the bird to speak to pull a string attached to its leg. The lady invited a few of her friends to hear the parrot talk, and followed the man's instructions in-structions as to pullinsr the string, but ! without effect. After trying this several I times, she succeeded; the parrot did speak in the following strain: "Leave' off, you silly old fl. else you'll pull me I off the blooming perch." |