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Show j THAT REMINDS ME- j Barber That man that just went out has a good head for business. Customer That old bald-headed gentleman! gen-tleman! Barber Yes. I sell him three bottles of hair renewer a month. He So Misft Willing has gone to Kurope, has she? I thought she was going go-ing to marry ' young Smitherton. She She would have marride him but for one thing. She He didn't ask her. Chicago Daily Ncws. "Bring me an oil can. I want to perfume per-fume my clothes." -' "What on earth for?" "To make people believe I run an automobile." au-tomobile." N. 1. Herald. Stranger Pardon me. madam; but here on this historic battlefield you are weeping. weep-ing. Woman Ah, me! My husband fought in this battle. "I see. And he was killed?" . "No. he lived, and I married him." N. Y. Weekly. "You haven't any manners. Jack: why didn't you offer to escort that young woman home?" z "Oh, I have manners enough all right; but I didn't have street car fare." "So she has refused you?" said the native. "She has." replied the titled but impecunious im-pecunious foreigner. "Ah, we said the native consolingly, consoling-ly, "a disappointment In love " "Hardly that," interrupted the titled foreigner. "Rather a disappointment in business." Chicago st. Bootblack Shine, boss? I'll polish 'cm up so yer kin see your face in 'em. Grumpy Get out of here! 1 don't want a shine! Bootblack T don't blame yer. boss. It I had a face like dat I wouldn't wan ter see it neider. New York Journal. -$ "When I rejected Dick he didn t seem a bit put out.' I can't understand it." "Well I can. Dick Is used to It. He used to write poetry and get a dozen rejections re-jections every week." Chicago News. "The bell." sa'd he prosy boarder, "has almost superseded the knocker." "And that is the reason," said the cheerful Idiot, "why it is a knocker." Indianapolis Journal. A coach passing along a country" road had nearly run over a servant girl, when the coachman called out: "Take care, Sally!" The girl, without attempting to escape the danger, looked up at the coachman with an air of offended pride, and said, "It isn't Sally, or any other law. vulgar, common name it's Amelia Ann." $ "Don't you think," I inquired of the prosperous-looking man with the heavy moustache and watch chain, who was dressed in the H-inch balk line suit, that the world Is getting better?" "Sure!" he replied, with the frank enthusiasm en-thusiasm of success. "Not only better, but easier." Puck. -?- Landlady T hope you slept well, sir? New Boarder No. I didn't. I've been troubled with insomnia. Landlady Look here, young man! I'll giwe you a sovereign for every one you find in that bed! Bad Kxamples: Brown I don't like to read tales which show how geniuses were once unruly children. Jones Why not? Brown They encourage lazy parents to believe that their unruly children will turn out geniuses. . ' "How do you like our climate?" he asked the man from abroad. . "Well." the visitor answered, "I like some of it very much, while considerable of it is not so pleasant. But I have been here only about teji hours. Perhaps you have still other kinds that I have not had a chance to judge?" "Oh, no, not at altaasure you." "Why, papa," she argued, "you know Arbuthnot never drinks, chews, smokes, gambles nor swears!" "Yes. I know." the rugged, tinromantic old man answered, "but I don't want a chap for a son-in-law who merely doesn't do things." j That a sense of humor is not incompatible incompat-ible with the straits of poverty was attested at-tested bv one of the weary committee who constitute the bodyguard of the Dodge statue at Thirty-fifth street and Broadwa", says the New York Times. The lunch cart which stands against the Sixth avenue curbing was unusually bright the other night when the cart door opened and a replenished customer stepped out into the rain. He found himself him-self face to face with an acquaintance. "Hello." said he. "Hello." said his friend. "Boarding here now?" "Yes," said he. "Capital place. All meaU a la- cart." |
