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Show j ALL DUMM HOWDY FOLKS For as long as I knew my Aunt Ellic Mae, she always told me that, "All good things come to him who waits." Now I have been waiting for a, mighty long time for something some-thing good to come my way and had just decided she didn't know what she was talking about, after all. But now I gotta admit she was right all along. Something good has, at last, come to me and suddenly I find myself right at the top of the fashion totem pole. Yes sir, I'm right in fashion and I wish Aunt Ellie Mae was here to see it. Ya'see, there are strong indications indi-cations that the arbiters of fashion have come up with a new one. A model agency, the first of it's kind, has opened for business in London. A model mo-del agency for ugly men. This agency is figuring on opening a branch, real soon, right here in this country. A director of the new agency has said, "Actually, this trend to ugliness has already starttd in the fashion world. People are tiled of conventionally beautiful beauti-ful faces. The word that sems to sum up to what we wanted was "ugly". So we decided to aim- for sheer ugliness. The agency put an add in a London newspaper, offering $15 an hour for ugly male models. The response was tremendous, but it wasn't easy for the ad men to get what they wanted. Of the first thousand tested, only on hundred were signed up. Shucks, just wait 'til that bianch office opens in Utah. Ha, they won't have any trouble trou-ble like that but they sure won't like our state income tax and may close up shop and go back to London. Anyway, when I found out about this latest fashion trend, it sure did make me feel good. Everyone wants to excell in something and I'm not any different dif-ferent than the next guy. I never was in the beauty category cate-gory and unless life in my old age will have some surprises for me. I never will be. A phychiatrist once told me that my lack of guilt about my lack of beauty was because I always defended myself against ugliness, and I have always al-ways comforted myself with tin; knowledge that some of the greatest lovers in history were as ugly as a mud fence. I always like to tell of my hero who lived in the 18th Century in England. His name was John Wilkes and he was sorta active in the British politics. pol-itics. He was so dadblamed ugly, his face would have stopped stop-ped an eight-day clock. Yet he said: "Give me a half hour, and I will catch up on the handsomest hand-somest man in Europe!" The records of his conquests mo.de it cl2ar that he did just that, more times than the Royal Courts quite liked. A good line of blarney is as good as dimples anytime, and usually much better. Good-locking Good-locking women are far more used to looking at good-looking men than they are to hearing a good line of chatter. Of course the good-looking cor. man has his place in the scheme of things, too. A lady friend of mine, describing des-cribing me, once said of mv face, "It shows the hard usage of life." The phrase was probably prob-ably borrowed fron, Henry James, but I still took it for a compliment. A face, in a man or woman of a certain age, should be a sort of table of contents to the life of the person who wears it. Interesting people almost always al-ways have interesting faces. I have never seen an ugly woman. In women there is a kind of rare beauty in those who have made peace with their faces, have accepted them and wear them with pride and dignity. More faces have been ruined by plastic surgery, especially es-pecially in the middle-aged than enhanced by it. To have your character rubbed out of your face is not necessarily to enhance it. But th mirror is not to be fooled. As I get ready for the ritual of shaving, I study my face very carefully. The old puss which has been through so much with me. I have no intentions of trying to get rid of it's chuck-holes and ridges and I won't slop on the liquid lotions for they burn my reddened, red-dened, razor-scraped, weather beaten skin and makes the tears come to my eyes. And I won't pay $1.50 for three ounces of the cream after-shave lotion. I reckon I'm too dad-blamed dad-blamed stingy. Anyway, I'm still gonna be ugly, no matter what kind of pooh-pooh stuff I smear on my face. Besides, I don't want to become be-come beautiful. Whn they come over here from London and open that branch agency for models. I'm gonna be the first in line to get signed up. Know anyon'; who wants to go with me? SEE YA'ALL LATER |