OCR Text |
Show SMART ROOKIE The sergeant was quizzing a group of rookies. "Smith," he asked, "what's the first thing you do when cleaning a rifle?" "I look at the number," answered the private. "What's that got to do with it?" the sarge barked. "That," answered Smith, "is to make sure I'm cleaning my owe gun!" Let's Get Straight! A gangling youth walked to the clerk of the court and announced he wanted a marriage license. "Certainly." "Cer-tainly." said the clerk. "Where's the bride-elect?" "What d-ya mean, bride-elect?" asked the youngster. "There warn't no election this gal appointed herself." Hot Seat "Look," the attorney pleaded with his client, "you've just got to give me more facts to work with. Don't you understand, man, that you're facing the electric chair?" The prisoner looked not at all concerned. "That's okay by me," he said. "Just make sura I don't have to sit in it I" j Separation Millie: "What did Jim and Mary do about their house when they got their divorce?" Mollie: "Mary says they divided It, half and half." , Millie: "How could they do that?" Mollie: "Oh, she's agreed to stay Inside and he's agreed to stay outside." NATURE BOY jTy "Above all," the doctor argued, "you must eat more fruit, and particularly par-ticularly the skin of the fruit. The skin contains all the vitamins. What, by the way, is your favorite fruit?" The patient looked gloomy. "Coconuts," "Co-conuts," he said. Too Much Trouble A minister advertised for a handyman and the next morning a neat young man rang the bell. "Can you start the fire and have breakfast ready by seven o'clock?" asked the minister. The young man thought he could. "Can you polish all the silver, wash the dishes and keep the house and grounds neat and tidy?" was the next question. "Look, Reverend," protested the young man. "I came here to see about getting married, but if it's going to be anything like that, you can count me out right now!" TOUGH COURSE A novice golfer approached the first tee, nervously glancing around to see if he were, being observed. Sure enough, there were about 30 people sitting on the club house porch. Undaunted he teed up, selected se-lected his club, swung It in a mighty arc and missed. He swung again and again, missing the ball each time. Finally, he wiped his forehead, fore-head, turned to his audience and said, "Tough course, ain't it?" A Question "Hello! Is this the city bridge department?" "Yes! What can we do for you?" "How many points do you get for a little slam?" CONSERVATION A speaker was lecturing on forest for-est eserve. "I don't suppose," said he, "that there's a person In the house who has done a single thing to conserve onr Umber resources." re-sources." Silence ruled for several seconds, sec-onds, and then a meek voice from the rear of the ball timidly retorted, "I once shot a woodpecker." |