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Show Hawkeye Glances There is a loud call for reform in postal cards. Charles Giter is the name of General Grant's Japanese servant. I think that Thanksgiving Day should be abolished. - T. Gobbler. Lots of fellows are wearing hats who didn't win them on election bets. The New York Dispatch thinks the "proper study of mankind" is women. The man completely wrapped up in himself has no use for an ulster. - New Orleans Picayune. A Pennsylvania paper, in speaking of a politician, says his word is no better than a pint of whiskey. Limerick - No; Mocha is not in Africa. The "Mokes" don't come from Mocha - Boston Post. Boston brides spending their honeymoons are said to have the habit of talking in bad French. There will not be much kicking downstairs in that household. A Nashville bride and groom have one leg apiece. Many preachers seek to impress their hearers with the fact that life is short, but forget it in their sermons. - Boston Globe. Jones just visited a deaf-mute school. He says the exercises were quite interesting, but not a pronounced success. The following question from Ohio reaches a Philadelphia publisher: "Do you publish a good family Bible of a high moral tone?" A Minnesota farmer gives his plan for keeping onions. He digs a deep pit in the earth, puts his onions in, and lets them stay there. "Oh, my earrings!" exclaimed the urchin, as the side of his head came in contact with the flat of his father's hand. - Waterloo Observer. "I declare!" exclaimed a slovenly writer, "I wish I could find a pen that would just suit me." And instantly came the chorus, "Try a pig pen." It is proposed to make education a necessary qualification in future pedestrian matches, so that he who runs may read. - Cincinnati Saturday Night. We are informed by a fashion exchange that checks are about to be worn. We think it is about time a check was put on the fashion. - Yonkers Statesman. The New Orleans Picayune says the man who is wedded to his profession in youth will not be divorced from it when he is older. Provided he chooses the right style of girl. A cross eyed man who said he was going to "vote as he shot," had his ballot carefully put among the "scattering" by the judicious inspector. - Boston Commercial Bulletin. The New York Clipper says that now is the time to graft Jersey sausages on your buckwheat cake bushes. One bunch of sausages to each buckwheat cake hill will be sufficient. A man who is sixty years old has spent twenty years of his life in sleep unless he is a laborer on a morning newspaper, when he, probably, has been awake sixty-five years. A western physician advertises to "treat patients by letter." If the patient is a female, letter B would be the best letter for her - unless she was blind; then we would suggest letter C. - Norristown Herald. Emmet, the actor, said to a St. (Saint) Louis audience when intoxicated: ??? Unreadable ???. I'm drunk, and I beg your ??? parolas ???." In Milwaukee there resides a dog that can tell Sunday from work days. On Sunday he never barks, plays or fights with other dogs, and regularly attends the Methodist church. He is much respected in the community. Elder sister - "You should make friends again. It is absurd for an engaged pair to quarrel." Laura - "Well, then, let Edgar say the first word." Edgar - (with a lively recollection of the recent tiff) - "Yes, so long as you have the last, you don't care." When Mr. Maginnis's attention was called to the molten lava flowing from Mt. Vesuvius, on his first, and only visit to the land of hand organs, he naturally asked "how the poor crater came to overload its shtomach so dridfully." - Boston Transcript. |