OCR Text |
Show Your Marriage , Before You Wed Divorcee Look Into Background By Samuel G. and Esther B. Khng Q. What ahould you do before marrying a divorced person T A. Determine the real reasons for the divorce. Knowing the legal le-gal basis Isn't enough because the grounds and the real reasons behind be-hind them are seldom the same. Take desertion, for example. Let's assume the man you're Interested In-terested In tells you he obtained the divorce because his wife left him. That's the legal ground for the divorce. But what was the? reason for the desertion T Did the wife leave because he wss unfaithful? unfaith-ful? Did she go because the man refused to support her or because their sex life wss unsatisfactory? Whatever the reason, you ought to know It In order that you might ba spared future unhapptnesa. Both to Blame . Few divorces are one-sided. In ths vsst majority of cases both parties sre to blame, though perhaps per-haps in different degrees. Naturally, Natural-ly, your sweetheart is going to be on his best possible behavior with you. So the only way you can find out what there was about him that mads his first marriage fail la to ask questions. The snswers you get msy be significant In terms of your future happiness. Beware of the divorcee who Ja reluctant to discuss his first msr-riage. msr-riage. If he's svasive, you can be pretty sure thst he's either still In love with his former spouse or he has something to hide. In either case, he's a poor matrimonial risk. If his ax-wife still holds a place in. his affections If he's marrying you merely to fill an emotional void, your marriage won't have much of a chance and you'd better not marry him at all. Or, at the very least, you would be wise to postpone msrrlage until he's rid himself of his emotional ties. What'a more, the fact that he war a party to a divorce suggests that he has made some mistakes in his marriage. If he's resdy and anxious to make a success of his second venture, he should be able to recognize those mistskes. And he should be willing to admit them to himself and to you. Where the divorced person acknowledges the error of his former wsys, and shows that he haa profited from experience, you can feel fairly safe In marrying him. If He Refuses But where he refuses to discuss the matter or to admit any guilt whatsoever, the chances are that he either doesn't understand his' faults or is too stubborn and conceited con-ceited to admit that he waa wrong. In either case he'll probsbly make the same mistakes, in his second msrrlage, and you'll be the one to suffer. q. ' What else should you consider. con-sider. A. A practical question that's often overlooked Is whether the divorced person. If male, la under a court order to pay alimony, and if so, how much. Ths cost of living liv-ing being what it is, lt'a often difficult dif-ficult to support a wifs and an ex-wife. And if the man had children chil-dren by hia first spouse, he'll not only hsvs to suport them until they're of age, but the children of hia second marriage, aa well, so thst in effect he'll be maintaining two households. Whether the man's Income is large enough to do this is certainly something a woman should know In advance, else she msy be letting herself In for economic eco-nomic misery. |