Salt Lake Telegram | 1934-04-30 | Page 4 | Walter Winchell on Broadway

Valter ter Winchell ON BROADWAY BROADWAY- Things I 1 Can Do Without Colds Autos that look ike they are going when they're coming Doctors who just say Hmm Drug stores that dont don't sell stamps People who occupy phone booths longer than five minutes Interviewers who put in your mouth you didn't say and couldn't possibly pos pos- sibly utter People who once did you dirty who think you forget easily and years later ur urge e eyou you to o help them out of trouble People who predIcted last September that there'd be a rev luti n in six months 0 Little dogs with sweaters sweat sweat- ers Guys who say Why not have lunch with S me some time Miniature Brain Trusts Trusts Small minds in big jobs College boys on the loose 0 College boys not on the loose College boys Imitations of Jimmy Durante o Soda who call caU themselves bartenders People who call caU you up up when youre you're out and refuse to leave their name The smell or oL hospitals hospitals hos- hos Wisecracks from the wits on the sidewalk sidewalk side side- walk when you limp toward a gas station with a flat tire no not you honey Lists of The Ten Best This This' or Stunt pictures of fighters In training Sandwiches named after celebrities celebrities celeb- celeb Po white trash novels packed with sex suh Wet paint Tea room coffee Super salesmen super service stations super super- movie productions Buttered hair on Gum on theater seats That scene in the cinemas where the crook babbles out a lengthy speech and the detective hits him over the dome and sneers So you ou wont won't talk eh Suspense Interesting stories that end Continued next week People who knew you when but 1 forget that they didn't give you a tumble then Bread pudding 0 Mexican pottery Sandwiches that are mostly lettuce People who urge you to s send nd word to officials when a friend of theirs not yours breaks some law and you oblige only to be embarrassed by pub pub- seeking officials who call caU in the local reporters re- re porters and proudly point to your plea and s say y I want the papers to know I cant can't be influenced Your only satisfaction is' is knowing wing that you did try to help someone in distress The clown who always puts on the ladies ladies' hats at parties funny mans Barbers who eat onions and garlic particularly those w who o after eating them get confidential when they gab Precocious Drunks who tell you how much they stick tIp ip for tor you when somebody pans you Sober peonie peo- peo DIe nie ditto Waiters who brin bring you OU that salty juice for your chow mein when you distinctly say Dont bring me that stuff bring me wooster- wooster sheer sauce Aggrieved people who threaten to go to your boss about you Children who've been taught to say Why n see me sometime People who va t to tell you things for your own good Persons who know you dislike them who go out of their way to be sugary to you Speakers who come tin un- prepared and proceed anyway S raters Second who try to play Rhapsody iii In Blue Bluer r Men who tell you they positively are certain tam tain women but bore you stiff gabbing a about out them anyhow Readers who dont don't stamps but ask you ou for fori a poem that was v about love printed last May Mayor or maybe it was January Girls who get ket goofy after Callers who win stay only two minutes but dont don't Male movie actors who get cunning Women with sour shapes who wear tight frocks S C S SId Id I'd tell several of the star comedians to freshen their material which been using for years before belore they wake up one day and discover that S th the has p them by bo te I S And if 1 I were Bernie Bernie Id I'd feel pretty badly about it S