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Show IM M H M M M H t M H r-r-r-H"-Sksh:s by the Lady Barber timmiiHHHHinniit "I wish I woro a man," remarked Kittle, Kit-tle, tho lady barber, as she arranged a bunch or roses which one of her admiring patrons had given her. "I don't," said tho auburn-haired girl, pausing, with her razor poised In the air. 'T prefer petticoats." said tho blonde. "Petticoats nro all right when tha streets aren't sloppy, but when you've got to wadi through slushy, mushy mud, and you fool those wot skirls playing tag with you ankles, you can't be blamed for wishing you could wear trousers llko a man " "It Is horribly disagreeable," said the auburn-haired girl, "and I'vo caught an awful cold lots of times from wet skirls." "So havo I," ngreed the blonde. "That Isn't tho only reason why I wish I wcro a man," Interposed Kittle "I'd llko to bo a soldier and havo a sword and rlflo, and flghL" "You must hnvo been filling up on war dope," commented the auburn-haired girl. "Smoking an Oriental pill, maybe," suggested sug-gested tho blonde. "Tliat'n no barroom gossip,", answered Kittle. "My cocoanufs full of It. I've been reading all about tho war In tho papers evor wince tho Japs and Russians started making Jelly nandwlches of each other." "How do you think it'll como out?" asked tho aubum-halrcd girl. "Who'll win?" added the blonde. "Wako up," said Kittle "Como out of 1L Don't let any body hand you a bum sleor on tho finish of this scrap. Tho Jnps havo licked tho Russians from tho start; they're licking 'em now and thoy'ro going to lick "cm at the wind-up " "There's a lot of peoplo say Russia will tiro Japan out," argued Uio aufcurn-halrcd aufcurn-halrcd girl. "Russia's so much larger and can last longer, don't you know," said tho blonde. 'Vhocvcr tho ple-faco was who was, giving you that lino of talk has got another an-other think coming," snld Klttlo. "I've got a lltlo coin down In my 'kick' that says tho llttlo yellow men aro going to win this war hands down. Any time you meet a guy who thinks Russia looks good to him send him to me and I'll mnko lilm put up or shut up. "Why, this talk about tho pzo of Russia and her great resources gives mo a pain In tho solnr plexus. It'a all bunk ond don't go with me It looks all right, but It's llko most of our city milk It won't stand Inspection." Inspec-tion." "You'vo got to show me," declared tho auburn-haireU girl. "Mnybo you think I'm four-flushing," retorted Kittle, "I'm thero with tho bluff pometlmes, but now I'vo got tho cards to make good. It Isn't always tho guy that's got tho most coin that pulls down the stakes In a poker game. It's tho guy that's game, lucky and wise. That's Just what Japan In and thnt'R why she's going go-ing to pull down the ntnkes In this game of war. How many times havo you seen a great, big bully Jump onto a llttlo guy, thinking ho had a walkrway'' I'vo seen It many a time, and nearly always tho big bully got licked In the ond. Maybo iho llttlo chap was knocked down a dozen times, but ho always camo back and wouldn't bo counted out. That's Just tho way It Is with Japan and Ttunala, only tho llttlo chap in this ensn has btvwi doing j tho knocking down frcm tho start, and It looks as If he's going to keen it up till tho finish." "You'ro a wonder!" exclaimed tho au ; burn-haired girl admiringly. "You ought to have been a spellbinder,'.' suggested tho blonde. "Cut out that kidding." retorted Kittle. "No spellbinding for me. It takes all my tlmo to pound senso Into your noodleB. Now. If you think that'll hold you for a while I'll go on." "I'm mum." said tho auburn-haired girl. "I'm not saying a word," remarked the blonde "There's another reason why Russia's not In the running." continued Klttlo. "Her peoplo aro divided and hnto instead of lovo their Government. The Ruselnn Government Is ono of fear and oppression. oppres-sion. Its soldiers fight becnuso they have to. not because they want to. Do you think for a minute soldiers like that ban stand up against fighters like the Japs, who'd rathor scrap than eat. and who'd rather dlo In battle than live In luxury"' Not on your tintype. They neither aide-stop aide-stop death nor tho enemy, but go out looking for both of 'em. Tho Japaneso soldiers havo everything- to lnsplro them. Uroy aro encouraged and rewarded. You can't expect the Russians to do anything because tho Czar Is kept too busy dodging dodg-ing bombs and tho Generals dodging court-martials, No. girls, Russia Is getting get-ting what's coming to hor. Tho thousands of helpless creatures which 8ho has burled In tho mines of Siberia, never to seo the light of day, aro now being avenged." ' Kiltie readjusted her whlto cap, which had slipped over ono ear during her vehement ve-hement conversation, and pulled tlghtor tho strings of hor Immaculate apron "I look as If I'd been shot out of a cannon," sho remarked, glancing at the mirror "I thought you'd wag your head off." f said tho auburn-haired girl. "Or your tongue," ventured tho blonde. "No danger." replied Kittle, "Mv head's wagged so much It's uaod to It anil there's only ono thing that'll dlslocato my tonguo and that's twisting out tho names of the Russian generals." "They're jawbreakers," said tho au-i au-i burn-haired girl. j "I don't seo how any ono can pronounce pro-nounce them," said the blonde. "There's only one safe way," wild Kittle. Kit-tle. "Spell tho name out In syllables and then tnck on 'ovltch or owsky.' " "The Russian generals are "very dutiful," duti-ful," remarked tho auburn-haired girl. "They report everything so completely." complete-ly." said tho blondo. "I'll admit that." responded Klttlo-"About Klttlo-"About njl thev do la to retreat nnd report. re-port. Here's what Stoselowsky, or whatever what-ever hlrt nnmo Is, sent to the Czar from Port Arthur: " 'Dear Nlrk T regret to Inform you that I am experiencing thnt delightful sensation which has so often thrilled vnu when you havo discovered rough on rnls In your cream puffs, or been presented with a bomb Instead of a tea biscuit. As you know, I used to catch behind tho bat when I was a kid and I thought It would bo a cinch to stop these Jap cannon can-non balls, but they blister my lunch hooks and ono or two of them have plunked mo below the belt. Besides I'm getting hungry and want to go homo to my dear Russia.' "So Stoselowsky surrendered and went back homo to bo court-martialed." commented com-mented Klttlo. "How about Kuropatklnovltch?" queried que-ried tho auburn-haired girl. "This," said Kittle, "Is his latest report to tho Czar; " 'Friend Nick T regret to state that I havo lost everything and I'm now trying to lose Oynrna. If I succeed In doing this beforo I get lost myself I will soon bo with you once more in St. Petersburg. I hope you will not neglect to havo the court-martial ready for me.' " "I seo." said tho auburn-haired girl, "that Japan Is now acknowledged to bo a world power." "In tho satno claw as tho United States and England and Germany," said the r blonde. "She's earned It," said Kittle, "and af-tor af-tor sho's licked Russia, as she surclj will, 8ho'll get all that's coming to hor." "Don't you think tho Japs will get tho swelled head?" asked Iho auburn-haired girl. "That's Just tho danger," replied Kittle. Kit-tle. "Too much succesd sometimes Is worso than nono nt nil. If thoy'ro wlso. they'll fight shy of tho conrjuc3t hnblt and lot well enough alone " Eagle Mates but Once. The married life of most birds could bo taken for a model oven by members of tho human family. Thero Is, for Instance, the staid, dlgnlded and homely bald-headed eagle tho glorious emblem of tho American Amer-ican republic Ho mates but once and lives villi his ono mate until ho or sho dies. If loft a widower oven a young wldowor tho bald headed eaglo never males again. Ho remains nlono nnd disconsolate dis-consolate In tho nest on the rocky crag or In tho branchr-s of a tall plno that formed his domlcllo whllo his mate was alive. No other femalo eaglo can tempt him to forsake hln disconsolate life. With him, onco a widower, always a widower The golden woodpeckers llvo In a happy mnrrled life, mntlng but once. If tho male dies Ito mate s grW Is lasting and she lives a widowed bird the rest of her life So, too, tho male woodpecker never seeks another mnto after the death of his own. Ho taps on a tree, beside tholr nest day nnd night trying to recall her, then at length, discouraged and hopeless ho becomes 6llent and never recovera his gayety Chicago Tribune |