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Show THE BULLETIN DL - - - I FABLES IN SLANG I . Bv GEORGE ADE JJ iii mi M I Don "t7 ; ' jr-- ii "- - r A Worm Trying to Give an Imitation of an Anaconda. THE PHONEY VENEER there was a Young Man ONCE a 30 Per Cent Slope Ms Eye-brow- s and an Open Space, where his Chin should have been. He had taken three full Courses In a Correspond-ence School which told the Provin-cial how to acquire Personality, but he had not yet annexed enough to help him In flagging a Street Car. Always he seemed to blend Into the Surroundings, just like a Piece of Furniture. If he started to say Something In Company, that was the Signal for all the Others to be-gin talking. He could stand In a Department Store for Hours with-out being waited on. He was King of the Strap-Hanger- s and held the World Record for being pushed off the Sidewalk by the white-face- d Snips who walk three and four abreast In every Generation there are certain Men who leave their Im-press upon the World. Mr. Effing-ham Glltta had not made as much as a Dent He was compelled to tise Influence to get his Name Into the City Directory. Ills Mail con-sisted of Catalogues and Propo-sitions In regard to the Purchase of Books on a Weekly Payment Plan. A SLOGAN SWALLOWER On his Way to Work he gave some crisp Orders to the Menial who was In charge of the Trolley Car. The Conductor did not rec-ognize His Master's Voice so he called Effingham a Piece of Gor-gonzo- la and told him that If ht didn't cut out the Blah-Bla- h he would have to take a Bat In the Eye. In the Articles which Effing-ham had been reading there had been no definite Suggestions as to how a Situation of this Kind should be met, so be got off of the Car and walked. For u good many years he had been longing to go Into the Private Office and tell the Boss just what was wrong with the whole Organ-ization and how It would be a Cinch to double the Business and cut down the Overhead If the Depart-ments could be managed by Men whose beads were filled with brains Instead of Omelets. The Chief Executive looked up from his Work and there on the Itug was a Worm trying to give an Imitation of an Anaconda. The Head of the Firm listened patiently. When It was over he did not give Mr. Glitta the Fresh Air or even start in to pan him. He advised the faithful Employee to lie down for a little while and then go out and have his Temperature taken. So that is how near Effingham came If Mr. Glltts often pondered on to causing a Shake-Un- . Death ami decided to postpone the Shuffle as long as possible, It was because he knew darned well that his Funeral would be a Flop. Probably what fussed Mr. Glltts more than anything else was the gloomy Fact that the Female Sex regarded him as a Swozzle. Mr. Effingham Glltts was old enough to have a Home of his own, a fine Job at a sweet Salary and a Standing In Society. He saw Men of his own Age being elected to Congress, building and bossing Railroads. Whereas, he sat at a Desk and hnndled some of the piffling De-tails of a large corporation. It was about a Year ago that Mr. Glltts decided to stop playlnn the Third Assistant Grave-Digg-and be the curly haired hero. When an Insect starts out to be an Eagle that Is Some Contract, but Effing-ham was hopeful and determined. He had been on a diet of uplift-ing Editorials and nice hot Slogans. He had been devouring these In-spirational Pieces on how to achieve Success. Most of them had been written by salaried Hacks who owed Grocery Bills. HAD GOOD INTENTIONS Mr. Glltts believed anything that was printed and framed. Every time he read one of those highly original instructions hanging above a Desk he resolved to be himself and keep on smiling and do It and not worry. He wanted to obey all of the Rules which had helped so many Humble Beginners to work their way up to $1,800 Jobs. So he made his Plans to emerge from the Hay each A. M. and greet the new-bor- n Day with high Courage. He had It straight from a 15-ce- Magazine that every Mortal can get away with Anything if he has the Nerve to Jump right In and get a Strangle Hold on the Imme-diate Problem. He went to his Couch one Eve-ning as a low-grad- e Mokus and arose next Morning as a strong and silent Character who was going to pry open the World as If It were a soft-shel- l Clam and Incidentally get the Women all worked np about him and then smile sardonically as he watched them suffer. Possibly our good Friend was a little feverish under the Fedora when he formulated this high Re-solve, but he meant well, and he sure made a deceive Stab at Great-ness. BACK TO NATURE When he sternly reprimanded the Typist who did a few Letters for him every Day and gave her a Lec-ture on the Importance of spelling correctly all Words of One Syllable she never missed one Jaw Move-ment as she chewed her Wax, but she did tell him that he was the kind of Fish that ought to stay home all Day Instead of wandering out into the Streets and frightening Pedestrians. For a long time it had been Mr. Glitta secret Desire to plant a Bomb under the Boarding House in which he was eking out a Miser-able Existence. The Landlady was so busy counting the Calories and providing for the Vitamins that she forgot to give them any real Food. Effingham longed to bawl her out in such Loud Tones that his Com-plaint could be heard In Cuba. So, while he was still under the Influence of the Complex of Su-periority, he opened np and made a Scene at Dinner. Effingham let out a Squawk, which Is Hoi Pollol for Protest He told the Soup the Truth about It-self so that he could get a Rise out of the Landlady. He just sat back and waited for her to brag about the Home Cooking and the Refined Atmosphere. He had framed a Come-Bac- k which, probably, would lead up to his being ordered out of the Joint, Bag and Baggage. That was wha he craved. He knew that he never could function as a Leader of Men while surrounded by the Flat neads and Tomtits of a third-rat- e Bean-er- Cut the Landlady knew him and liked him and pitied him, so she Just told hlra to be In his Room about 0:30 and she would come up and fix a Foot Bath for hlra and give him 10 Grains of Aspirin and In the morning he would be all right. Sure enough he was. ne awoke next day fully reconciled to the Fact that he wonld always be the Goat of the Universe. He decided that he would have to be a Slob Instead of a Schwab. He flew at the withered Prunes with real Gns-t- o and spoke nicely of the luke- warm Coffee. Also he had a Oar ready for the conductor cm the Trol ley Line. MORAL: Those who were not born to be Blase will always be Blozzy. SEENandilEARI around tfie NATIONAL CAPITAL yfy Carter Field FAMOUS WASHINGTON CORRESPONDENT ' 11 's Washington. President Roose-velt is enormously pleased with the general reception of his accept-ance speech at Philadelphia. Those who must support him for party regularity reasons but who have been hoping he would be more conservative if the group following Senators Glass, Byrd, Tydings and Adams are distressed. And the radical fringe is delighted. The thought of comparing the New Deal fight against capital against investments, if you please to the fight of the colonists against British royal iomination came to the President almost at the last moment He did not pre-pare his speech much in advance, and it is pretty nearly an acci-dent that he took this particular tack. It all grew out of the fuss and furore that was kicked up when announcement was made, a little more than a month ago, that the President would make his trip to Texas and other states at a time when the Republican national con-vention would be in progress. It was charged he was trying to steal the convention's publicity, to de-prive it of its normal share of front page newspaper display, not to mention radio broadcasting and newspaper picture sections. So he announced that on that trip he would make "historical talks," going into the history of the sections he visited. He not only did, but found some very adroit ways of working good political arguments into them. Even Went Further But the conservative Democrats are very unhappy as a result. For, once embracing that theme, the President went a great deal fur-ther, by inference, than he has ev-er gone before. Just as, in the platform, which of course he dic-tated, he went a great deal fur-ther with regard to TVA than he has ever gone before. In fact, he approved language which might have been disquieting to the Su-preme Court in his TVA decision. For instead of talking about "inci-dental" power, the President had the platform boast about the "yard-- w I could, if he wished, h f three things authorize Vl P has taken advantage these powers. Thi-- Its marked down the gold U dollar to 59.06 cent IH der the powers to aS could still mark it downt un' of the original collar. fr be considerably l ew, --1 cents of the s T would be 9.06 cenuo! ft f?. gold dollar. It would jal' present dollar slightly J?,! 15 cents in its gjj L Which would be immedH K tive in making the dollar ill Tm much less valuable in 1' ftS change, hence making it , k much easier to sell ve goods abroad, and that much J L expensive for Americani , t foreign goods. s, ;n President Roosevelt, ft l l'ie pens, has no present 1 F" exercising this power. Then, :'r'i: been a firm conviction in 4nt ington for some time that fr I V would devalue the franc, am'. I then Britain would let the $ sterling drift down to equalia' French cut As a matter da I there has been surprise is ington that this has not occur long since. When and If this occurs the F; i ident will face a real problec to whether to meet the ekr? 1 so vastly important in ton iN trade. But the best infonJ A obtainable is that he U us clined to exercise his further f er to devaluate the dollar eve der this provocation. Murray Causes Worry "Alfalfa Bill" Murray oil f homa is really causing mores r" cern among Democratic chief ; by his "walk" than is AIM Smith. Or James A Reed ?, Bainbridge Colby. Or Josepk Ely. Or Judge Daniel F. Ok, The answer is very simple. I tions are decided by electoral ra not by the size of popular f ities in any particular statet ; majority of 700, while i Sr. , nerve-rackin- g when the return , coming in, is just as good is I X 000 when the electoral volar counted. .B stick" which would force elec-tric rates down, and make elec-tric current cheaper to all con-sumers. Naturally the radical fringe is highly pleased. They had been somewhat disturbed at the soft-pedali-of their leaders at Phila-delphiathe complete blackout of Dr. Tugwell, the failure to men-tion Prof. Frankfurter, the absence of most of the Brain Trusters. But a few hours before the President was accepting the nomination Secretary of Agriculture Wallace was telling an audience that competition must go, even in manufacturing, eventually, and that collectivism and were the thing! All of which spells a much wider cleavage in the Democratic party, next year, assuming that Roose-velt is For beyond the shadow of a doubt there would have been more than 21 Democrat-ic senators opposed to that tax bill, aimed so sharply at corpora-tions, had the President and Wal-lace made their speeches before instead of after that final vote was recorded in the senate. Humorous Mistake Failure of the Democrats at Phil-adelphia to make any statement answering the demand of the Re-publicans at Cleveland that the special power giver the President to mark down still further the gold value of the dollar be revoked, was not an oversight. Senator Roberi J. Bulkley of Ohio, one of the leading Capitol Hill experts on currency, pointed out to members of the resolutions committee, when this matter was under advisement, that the Repub-licans had made a rather humorous mistake. The special power which the President still has, which would permit him to mark down the gold value of the dollar to one half its original value, along with the pow- er to issue paper currency, or to adopt bimetalism, expires by lim-itation just a few days after in-auguration! So that. Senator Bulkley pointed out to demand its repeal by a congress which does not come in-to power until a few days before that nothing like sufficient time to put such an important measure through the house and senate is rather in the nature of a futile gesture. Even, the senator pointed out, in what Democrats regard as the un-likely contingency that the Repbu-hcan- s capture the Presidency and the house, there is no possible chance of their obtaining control of the senate for four more years. So eve., if there were a Republi-ca- n landslide they could not re-peal the provisions against the will of the Democrats. Could Cut Dollar During the months that remain before this power expires by lim-itation, in January, the President It so happens that the Derams ic strategists do not regard I i three states in which theW lets" reside as douhtful &, i York, the home of Al SrACoS and Judge Cohalan, they rejarii "in the bag." Massachuseta, i i home of former Governor te B. Ely, they regard as t asSp account of their confidence 1111 ernor James M. Curley'i 4 Missouri the home of Former in ator Reed, is conceded even bjJ Republicans as probably for velt Naturally the Democratic f not worried about the "Show M state at alL I jj But Oklahoma is something is again. It is normally Democrat ' but two factors are threatening j upset this normal alignment is the fact that over a long P of years. Governor Alfred M-don, as an independent oil op tor, has been building up & ' ships. As told in a recent a. patch, it was one of these B ships-t- hat with Former W! sentative Charles Hamilton; Western New York, who Kansas to go in the oil bi . about 16 w years ago-wh- ich potent In lining up the New delegation for Landon. In fact it is the old frie of Landon with met. who bW to be influential in a num eastern states that made W forts of the "Old Guard s Landon so futile. Lehman Relents The oil fields of Oklahoma pen to be mostly In the part of the state. Where., pens that the influence 01 BUT Murray is strongest southern part Putting t things together, friends " who have been sizing up tion are predicting he w com or the state by a very would not majority. Which the Democrats so muh " to Ik publicans were not offers on itl in jjinsf This, plus the situation sola and North Dakota cau the prospect tha' the Coughlin-Townsen- d ticK ,; votes away from the wew the explanation of why v such terrific pressure p nor Herbert a Lehman 0 York to reconsider ni tion not to run again for The pressure proved uc p The private view rf J,,,. York Democrats s that fairly safe for R,oSfve"d do man is on the ticket p ful, if not swinging towar a" publican side, tf on the ticket B New votes are safely in the need be a column, there Janes A. Farley s office tion night about how goes. Or Minnesota, With New York in the bag. Illinois can take a wa- - O Ball 8ndlc.t..-W- N News Review of Current t Events the World Over Drouth Damage Estimated at $300,000,000 Steel Fight Brings Union Labor Crisis Landon ' Reconvenes Kansas Legislature. By EDWARD W. PICK ARD A Wuttra Nwiper Union. after returning to hli desk SOON a three-da- y pilgrimage to Virginia, President Roosevelt an-nounced that he had granted Post-master General James A. Farley leave of absence without pay from August 1 to November 5, the day after the presidential elections. Thus Mr. Farley will be freed from official duties to devote him-self during the next three months to the direction of the Presidents campaign for The an-nouncement did not come as a sur-prise to those In Informed political circles In Washington, but it had been rumored in some quarters that Mr. Farley would resign his cabinet post and retain his job at chairman of the Democratic Na-tional committee. Mr. Farley announced that Rep-resentative Sam Rayburn of Texas would be chairman of the Demo-cratic speakers' bureau. The cam-paign, he said, would be in full swing by Labor Day, with cabinet members, ambassadors and sena-tors taking the stump. President Roosevelt's sojourn in Virginia took him to the dedication of Shenandoah National park, to Monticello, the home of Thomas Jefferson and to Williamsburg, cap-ital of the Old Dominion from 1699 to 1779. In an address at Jeffer-son's home, the President called on the nation to rekindle the "sacred fire" of "true freedom" which had lighted the "golden age" of American history. He declared the present emergency required the same leadership as that displayed by Thomas Jefferson, founder of the Democratic party. claim on society for aid. It like-wise passed by unanimous vote another proposed constitutional amendment authorizing the state to levy taxes on employers and em-ployees for systems of old age pen-sions and unemployment Insurance to which the beneficiary must con-tribute. Meanwhile, Governor Landon opened a scries of major confer-ences with farm leaders for the purpose of drafting a farm relief program for inclusion in his ac-ceptance speech. He conferred with former Governor Frank O. Lowden of Illinois, and former Senator Otis F. Glenn, Senator Arthur Capper of Kansas, Representative Clifford Hope of Kansas and R. K. Lauben-gaye- r, a Kansas farm publisher. AS THE long-awaite- d campaign to unionize the nation's steel industry was under way, one of the most serious crises in the history of the American labor movement arose when strife broke out between Wi-lliam Green, presi-dent of the Ameri-can Federation of Labor and John L. Lewis, president of the United Mine Workers of Ameri-ca and head of the Pnmmltt0 tnr In. fT'""'11! WHILE relentless heat drove farm losses from drouth toward the $300,000,000 mark and sent grain prices soar-ing, long needed rains In scat-tered regions of the drouth belt brought temporary relief. In sec-tions of Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, and Ohio which faced the prospect of the disaster already confronting the Northwest, the rains were a God-send to d corn fields, pastures, and crops of spring vt'heat Rains in the Northwest re-vived portions of North and South Dakota, Montana and Nebraska. But a heat wave lasting nearly a week had brought temperatures ranging from 90 to 114 in the Great Plains territory. Twenty-thre- e states, eight of thern in the South, were listed as suffering in some degree from the drouth. Ten of them North and South Dakota, Montana, Wyoming, Minnesota, Missouri, Tennessee, Oklahoma, Virginia and South Ca-rolinawere already in a critical stage. Five others Kentucky, Georgia, Alabama, North Carolina and West Virginia were borderline cases. Eight others where the full severity of the drouth had not yet been felt were: Nebraska, Wiscon-sin, Iowa, Michigan, Illinois, Kan-sas, Indiana and Ohio. The sweltering heat and drouth spread into Canada. The prairie provinces of Manitoba, Saskatche-wan and Alberta Canada's bread baskethad begun to suffer like their neighbors in the United States. Except for scattered lo-cal showers, there had been no rain from Ontario westward to the Canadian Rockies since June 16. With the full extent of the dam-g- e in the "dust bowl" area of the Northwest not yet known, the fed-eral government made plans to deal with a long-rang- e disaster. President Roosevelt, taking person-al command of the relief program In Washington, announced that he would make a personal tour of the drouth-stricke- n areas within the next few weeks. The President announced that the federal government had prepared a comprehensive plan whereby 170,000 out of 204,000 farm families impoverished by the drouth in the Northwest would be given immedi-ate cash assistance. He declared that he will make his trip after the relief program has had an opportu-nity to get under way, to see for himself exactly how much damage was caused by the drouth and whether financially-ruine- d families are receiving the proper assistance. ROMANCE outmaneuvered In the life of Mrs. Ruth Bryan Owen, American min-ister to Denmark, and former DEFYING the threats of members of the cham-ber of deputies, the French gov-ernment decided to use armed force "with care" to oust French strikers who refuse to evacuate their places of business. The announcement of this new policy was made by Minister of the Interior Roger Salengro, fol-lowing the outbreak of fresh "fold-ed arm" strikes in Paris and the provinces. It was estimated that 80,000 workers were still on strike in various industries throughout France. In the meantime . the govern-ment's project to nationalize France's arms industry was ap-proved by the army committee of the chamber of deputies. CUTTING a big cake to birthday, celebrate John D. Rockefeller predicted that he would live to be one hundred. Despite temperature of 92 in the shade, the famous nonagenarian donned a sun helmet and went out-doors on his summer estate near Lakewood, N. J. The multimillionaire oil man and philanthropist did not let the cele-bration of his birthday interfere with his daily nap or his daily aft-ernoon automobile ride. Mr. Rockefeller long since has given up all forms of athletic activ-ities, including golf, formerly his favorite pastime. A few years ago he was down to a few holes of golf a day, but now he has given it up entirely. It has been his custom to spend his winters at Ormond Beach, Fla., and his summers ei- - ther at Lakewood or at his other ' estate at Pocantico Hills near Tar-- rytown, N. Y. WAR-WORRIE- Europe shifted anxiety from the Italo- - ' Ethiopian sanctions problem to the newer and baffling question of what dustrial Organiza- - William tion, who has pro- - Green moted the unionization drive in the steel industry. Meeting in Washington, the exec-utive council of the American Fed-eration of Labor considered the matter of suspending eight national and international unions on the ground that these eight unions have begun the formation of a rival, or duel labor federation. John L. Lewis announced that he would not respond to a summons of the executive council to answer charges that he had violated the federation's policy by trying to or-ganize 500,000 steel workers into one big industrial union instead of into several unions divided by crafts. Should the rift widen and a break occur, observers believe it would split the organized labor movement and affect Its prestige and power at a critical time. Denouncing the action of the Lewis group, President Green de-clared: "It is sincerely to be regretted that the committee for industrial organization thwarted the purpose of the American Federation of La-bor to inaugurate an organizing campaign In the steel industry. "A very serious if not a fatal mistake was made when it flouted the decision of the last convention of the American Federation of La-bor , . . and prevented the execu-tive council from carrying out the convention's instructions 'to inaug-urate, manage, promote and con-duct an organizing campaign among the iron and steel workers at the earliest possible date.' " Back of the collision over the at-tempted unionization of the steel industry are two contending schools of thought over the future of or-ganized labor in America. Ons is that sponsored by Mr. Green which rose to power on a policy of trained craftsmen, trained by crafts. The other - is championed by John L. Lewis who visions a powerful labor machine organized regardless of crafts, which includes the semi-skilled and unskilled workers as well as the trained craftsmen. The success of either Green or Lewis, it is believed, will herald a turning point in the history of American labor. SENATOR William E. Borah, whose future political plans considerable doubt exist-ed, formally announced that he , member of con-gress. The engage-ment of the daugh-ter of William Jen-- ) nings Bryan to Cap-tain Boerge Rohde, an officer of the Danish army, was announced in Den-mark by the lat--, ter's mother. Cap-tain Rohde Is a k , j tA ttm to do about the Free City of Dan-zig now seeking to free itself from the bonds of the League of Nations. The league dis-posed of the sanc-tions problem by voting to abolish them, thus to all practical intents snH mirnncpt rft. would be a candi-date for to the senate. Several days be-fore making his an-nouncement the Idaho statesman had pledged alle-giance to the Re-publican ticket and platform, thus re-moving the ex-pressed doubts of Ruth Bryan Chrlstian.s personal wen bodyguard. Captain Rohde arrived in Amer-ica on the liner Drottningholm a day or two after his fiancee had reached the country. The couple were married at an estate on Long Island. In political circles the opinion was expressed that Mrs. Owen will probably resign her diplomatic post In a short time." While there are no formal regulations which com-pel an American woman minister to resign when she weds, it has been customary for women in mi-nor positions in the American for-eign service to retire when they marry. Mrs. Owen was the first Ameri-can woman ever to be made min-ister to a foreign country. She will retain her American citizenship in spite of her marriage. GOVERNOR Alf M. Landon Topeka, Kas., after a vacation in the Colorado moun-- ; tains, for the reconvening of the state legislature and to prepare for the acceptance speech he will deliver at the Republican notifica-tion ceremonies July 23. The Republican presidential nom-inee appeared before a Joint ses-sion of the legislature and urged passage of amendments to the state constitution to provide adequate so-cial security measures. Governor Landon declared that care of the needy aged and olhers, suffering misfortunes is a "public obliga-tion." Following his address, the Kan-sas senate adopted a constitutional amendment by a vote of 35 to 1, empowering the legislature to en-act a uniform system of direct aid for needy aged persons, indigent Infirm persons and others suffering misfortunes which give them a Adolf Hitler moving Ethiopia from the family of sovereign states. Appearing personally before the league assembly, the refugee em-peror, Haile Selassie, made a last moving bid for Ethiopia's freedom. The "king of kings" denounced France and Great Britain without mentioning their names. To the generally expressed desire to re-form the league, he said the weak-ness was not the league covenant itself, but a lack of international morality. The Negus request for a loan of $50,000,000 to Ethiopia was voted down. Previously Haile had informed Capt Anthony Eden, Brit-ish foreign secretary, that he would return to Ethiopia immediately to join his loyal tribesmen and fight for Ethiopian independence. With Mussolini given satisfaction, the Danzig situation brought into the foreground the figure of Adolf Hitler, chancellor of Nazi Germany. It was a Nazi follower of Hitler, Dr. Arthur Greiser, president of the Danzig senate, who demanded inde-pendence for the former German city now surrounded by Polish ter-ritory and who denounced the league and Sean Lester, league high commissioner for the port Observers were of the opinion that Greiser was acting under or-ders from Chancellor Hitler. In view of Germany's expansionist program and its rearmament they feel that Danzig will be the next Nazi objective now that the Rhine-lan- d Is remilitarized. By the elim-ination of Commissioner Lester or by the curtailment of his authority over the international affairs of the j city, it is believed the Nazi would be able to crush the opposition party. Senator maay political lead-Bora- h erg throughout the country regarding his stand in the presidential campaign. Previously Senator Borah had commented fa-vorably on both the Republican and Democratic platforms, praising both for the stand they had taken on the question of monopolies. The seventy-one-year-ol- d senator in clarifying his position on the Re-publican platform said: "I have no intention of bolting the ticket "I am supporting the platform and I have been supporting the platform from the beginning." |