Show I r The Hotel Clerk on Holiday Prospects Copyright CO BY 1907 IRVIN Company by a 8 S H COBB H McClure d Well said the Hotel Clerk CIeri It may maybe maybe maybe be true that this is a time of severe depression among those thosa who never felt the cruel pinch of a wintry Wall Vall street before it may be true that Vested Rights has haa lost its vest ost and is now go going going ing around In Its shirt sleeves with a tattered pair vall of tapestries wrapped around Its ts bent shoulders begging pennies with which to buy a crock of cold poison polson to send to the White House as a Christmas present Mind you Im not saying these things arent correct only I take notice that the shop windows dont show any fall fail fallIng failing falling Ing off from last year In the number of sets of cars and French dolls that could pass for babies if they look so Intelli Intelligent gent I guess after all aU be like any an another other Christmas you ou can remember Anyway I know of at least two well known parties that are arc going right ahead for their preparations for tor the merriest kind of a Yuletide re recall recall call one of them as soon as I describe him Larry Lan Hes Hea an elderly person somewhat gray and wrinkled and hes slipping around now no doing a little here and a little there taking a pinch out of that and a dip into this and rolling up his mild mUd blue eyes In quiet enjoy enjoyment enjoyment enjoyment ment the very picture of satisfaction satisfaction satisfaction tion I know who you mean already said the House Detective of the Hotel St Reckless To be sure you do said the Hotel i r e yM f r Clerk Everybody ought to know who I mean half a second after I start in telling about him Hes Hos had a busy fall fail kept making demands on him but nobody nas caught him fret fretting ting or complaining In every home great or humble or once great and now humble as many of them are feeling his influence be many a long day before the harassed financiers downtown forget forgot what hes been doing on their accounts and In Inthe inthe inthe the tenements of the poor soon be whispering his name as the evening even evening evenIng ing lamps are lit But he ho gives no sign he Just keeps on with ith his work wearing a modest smile on his long smooth face and Long smooth face echoed the House Detective in astonishment What talk have you ou Since when did Santy Claus git a shave Who VIto said anything about Santa Claus said the Hotel Clerk An that obsolete old fossil got to do with the modern modern celebration of Christ Christmas Christmas Christmas mas anyway He only puts things In Ina Ina ina a stocking he never makes you take the long green out of It I was speaking speak speaking speakIng ing of Rockefeller Who else would I Ibe Ibe Ibe be speaking of It ought to be a grand Christmas for Rockefeller Of course Morgan has something to celebrate but not as much as Rockefeller When Wallstreet Wall Wallstreet Wallstreet street In its hour of need was calling for tor a bale of shingles Morgan generously came to the relief But all Morgan organ got for his trouble was vaa the I roof and the top story while Uncle John who furnished the tho nails took the rest nest of tho the establishment Ryan was discovered In the act of trying to get getaway getaway away awa with the lead pipe of the bath bathroom bathroom bathroom room fixtures and part of the contents of the pantry but was stopped in time The former proprietors are now camp camping campIng camping ing out in the hole bole where the foundations foundations foundations used to be waiting to be evicted Yes I r think on the whole It ought to tobe tobe tobe be a merry Christmas for John D bless his old soul so especially as It looks like kerosene aint going to fall many cents per gallon between now and Jan 1 Who was nas the other happy party you minute ago asked the House Detective His name Is Bryan said th Hotel Clerk William Jennings Bryan Pryan known as the th Boy Eoy Orator of the Platte before that stream got Into the way vay of occasionallY drying up a habit which unfits it for association with the gen gentleman gentleman gentleman I have named Mr Bryan is a happy and contented farmer now That ThatIs Is to say hes lIes still a candidate by pro profession profession and working regularly at the trade hade but he does farming as a side sideline sideline sideline line Hes quite a success considering that he has to be all the time listening for the Voice of Destiny or the voice of Tom Toni Taggart or one of the other voices that are prominently identified with tho the party I guess hes probably the only farmer in the world that plows while keeping one ear to the ground r He sleeps In the tile second story of his cosy farm house but Im told theres a abrass abrass abrass brass pole running through the floor the same sam as they have hae at an engine house so he can come sliding down when the voice begins to across the rolling Nebraska prairies Theres no need for him to leave a call w with ith the night clerk derk hes a light sleep sleeper er and the merest whisper will arouse him Hell be out with his hit slickers and rubber boots on before the first alarm goes In If It for any reason the voice should be delayed he h can fix that too Hes a versatile man Bryan Is s Hell double in voice Hell just step In the wings for a minute Noise without One of the lesser I members m of the cast say a mem member member member ber of the national committee Is tem temporarily temporarily temporarily occupying the stage He looks off R I U that says the minor performer Can it be the cry of the angry mob No no praise heavens the Voice of Destiny call callIng callIng calling Ing upon up n our beloved leader to gird on his white lawn tie and go forth to do battle against the common foe Then the minor performer runs off oft and Mr Bryan comes back on and says Hark the call of me party well I will answer it Cincinnatus never yet laid down on this job And he shucks off his overalls and climbs Into his black frock coat with the two buttons in the middle of the back ba k and has his hair hall all swept back from his forehead in tb modified mar mar marI marx marM x I M eel cel design known among hairdressers as the roach before you have haye time to say Jack Robinson or Joe Folk or any common word like that Yes Larry at this time Mr Bryan is out yonder In Lincoln feeling in ev every every every ery way wray pleased with the outlook Hes wearing that familiar and beloved smile of his that runs all the way round and hooks at the back like a collar He knows what hes going to find on the tree on Christmas morning He knows be because because because cause hes already hung it there and hes sitting up nights to see that no Swede named Johnson from Minnesota or anybody from Texas or Tennessee gets getA a chance to swipe it It ft Mr Bryan came out In an article in his paper a few days ago and told all about the situation You might have thought he was writing about himself but he His topic was the situation I quote him from the immortal document The enemy are scattered and disorganized dis disorganized disorganized organized says Mr Bryan As shown by the late election returns scattered all oy r the country countr In the southwest badly disorganized Many of the rough riders have sons growing up for tor whom no federal jobs have as yet been provided There have been postoffice fights in many of the cities Some of the Republicans are openly for Roosevelt for a third term Some o of them are for Roosevelt but not so SQ openly I refer to the Taft fol following following following lowing Some of them are for f r Fair I M w f banks Mr Ir Fairbanks himself and two close friends of the Fairbanks family living in Indianapolis Whereas on the other hand the Democratic party Is a compact and solidified mass located just south of Kentucky I never recall a time when the Democrats were so solidified The Republicans na quarrel among mong I themselves over this Issue or that but do you hear I us quarreling over oyer any Iny i issues sues You do donot donot donot not one reason being that th t we I any yet But do not be distressed my countrymen I will from time to time think up issues for you I always have haveIt It would be useless for me to deny that our party arty has made mistakes ml takes in inthe Inthe inthe the past We Ve committed a very grave mistake in the campaign of 1904 Its name being Parker Alfred Parker or orAbel orAbel orAbel Abel Parker or some such person However that is of no moment I feel justified in saying that as long as 1 keep my health and vocal powers our party will never again fall into a sim similar simIlar similar ilar error Besides I have a fine boy growing up and Lincoln Is rapidly be becoming becoming becoming coming to having a standard bearer regularly in Its midst Did he say all that asked the House Detective He said more than that continued the Hotel Clerk He said it was a frightful thing that people would ad advocate advocate advocate a third term for president Mind you he say a g third race but a third term term I r wonder what the lh main e will v 1 I I be next year said the House De Detective Detective I dont know yet said the Hotel Clerk but It wont be hard to find it itAH All AH that Is needed In the way of an issue will be something that won wont t offend the formerly rich men of or the tho east or the formerly poor men of f the 8 west something that will m not do violence vio violence violence lence to any of the sacred In Institutions Institutions institutions such as the James J Crow car and at the same time wont alien aUen alienate alienate ate the sensitive leaders of the colored wing of the Tammany Democracy something that will bring joy to the hearts of the free trade Democrats and not disappoint the high tariff Demo Democrats Democrats Democrats I think myself a short simple sm le declaration calling for tor pure milk and the suppression of fhe he Black Hand so society society society will fill the bill reasonably r well weal Anyway its a good chance for your friend Santa Claus Wets a good chance asked the House Detective Why a chance to bring Mr Bry Bryans Bryans Bryans ans party a satisfactory issue as a r Christmas gift said the Hotel Clerk If he can do that the old man may maybe maybe maybe be able to hang on a while longer Otherwise I look to see his entire busi bils business business ness taken laken over pretty soon by the tha Christmas Cheer company Limited In Incorporated Incorporated incorporated under the laws of New Jer Jersey Jerse Jersey sey se by Rockefeller Morgan and August Belmont Copyright 1907 by hy H H McClure 8 Company I of 1 V |