| Show I f L W Jr HOTEL CLERK ON THANKSGIVING G I By Bey cp Copyright IRVIN IRV 1807 Ib IN by H H S COBS COBB U Co U I dont know as I got anything par particular particular particular to be thankful about said the House Detective as he glanced at the theop copy op which the paper printed of the presidents proclamation touching on the need for a proper national observance observance observance ance of the last Thursday In Novem November November November ber Tut tut Larry Im ashamed of you said the Hotel Clerk On this glorious holiday which Is now ap approaching approaching with such alarming rapidity that Im forcibly reminded of or the bills Ive got to meet immediately afterward every true American has something to tobe tobe tobe be thankful for whether he Is or not notUs Its Us one of our characteristics as a nation For example now take the Pilgrim Pil Pilgrim PilgrIm grim Fathers when they landed here hero hereon hereon on their stern and rockbound faces aa as the bard Longfellow or the bard J Jl l Whitcomb Riley or some person In the ther r barding handing business has so poetically re remarked remarked remarked marked think they had mighty little to be thankful for It had been beena a bard hard rough voyage for the heroic souls on time the boat Yes I know some historians put the number Dumber aboard at a smaller figure but when I look around me and see bow how many Mayflower descendants there are at large I 1 know Im right and I realize reaUze how bow crowded the tho steerage of that historic vessel must abeen It shows what hereditary Influences will wID do Nearly every Mayflower de descendant descendant you meet up with looks like likes s he was either just getting over oer the 1 seasickness or just getting on it This expression of ot countenance is one of the priceless legacies he inherited from his Immortal ancestry anc stry along wIth wish his pre predispositions predispositions predispositions dispositions toward Harvard college and the regular Republican ticket But to resume Plymouth Rock was by no means then what It is now The delicious yet durable pumpkin pie pic was vas not at that time indigenous to the th soil The fra fragrant fragrant fragrant grant odor of the New England boiled dinner boiling did not greet the nos nostrils nostril trite of the tine mariner thirty miles off shore as at present The principal products of the vicinity vl appeared to be large strang ers and snow on the tho th ground nine months a year ear But did the Pilgrim Fathers weak weaken en Did you ever see a picture of one of them that looked as if he could be made to weaken by anything short of ofa ofa a swift dent in the face with an ax Somebody discovered that in the mat ter of commercial transactions the or inhabitants looked very much like ike the ready money Somebody else remarked the fact that there was plenty of ot good dry wood handy In case any anyone an anone anyone one should sho ld flush a witch And so then the Pilgrim Father fell fellon fellon fellon on his knees and began gathering up kindling and gave thanks and rose up again with both hands full tull of fuels fuel and his eye peeled for tor the first old lady that might fall into the error of own OwnIng owning ing a cat or talking bilking in her sleep The Pilgrim Father never hover lost the habit of being thankful In the first l l few years he was frequently called away awa from the tho Thanksgiving dinner table to be scalped at the front door by a tall stranger wearing few If I any clothes But if It he recovered recover d dhe he kept right on on being thankful be because because because cause after atter that he was spared from the sinful vanity of combing his front hair and besides he lived ever in the glorious hope of extending the scope of the doctrine of religious freedom until it be safe for tor a Quaker or a Catholic to stop running anywhere on this hemisphere So weve been having a Thanksgiving ing day ever since Its an institution buffaloed with age as the saying 19 is 1 Captain Kidd used to have It in the th days when we had a merchant marine of our own instead of ot depending for the tite carrying of our cargoes on the Dutch Dut h and English bottoms which as implied by the name are broader but undoubtedly undoubtedly undoubtedly edly slower The Bender family in ip Kansas used to have it every even time a careless traveler with a gold watch came carne along Even the Democrats have haveIt It although its seemed to me these last few Cew years they ought to be allowed to have theirs before the election the same as they do their ratifications in instead Instead instead stead of afterward Then they could throw some gimp and soul into it You go 10 in round that way could you asked a ked the House Detective Aint it a legal holiday Larry said the Hotel Clerk 1 I observe with sorrow that you are one of the tine eleven million persons in this country who write to the overworked I j 1 editor every week saying A bets B there are three legal holidays B bets betsA A there tare fare eight or ten please decide We have no legal holidays The legal profession dont deserve one and what is more it aint got time to take one now that the divorce business is look looking lookIng lookIng ing up the way vay it is IsI I The president of the United States simply says we have cause to rejoice and give thanks and that settles it with withe everybody I can think of except Governor Vardaman of Mississippi and the widow of a certain Louisiana bear deceased The president says you bet your life well have a Thanksgiving day or words to that effect And the president is right as always Loeb thinks so PO Taft thinks so Elihu Root thinks so or at least maintains that outward appearance Old man Zach Chandler jip In New Hampshire thinks so 50 with a a few mental reservations re from time to time Everybody thinks so soWell soI I Well Vell oud better count me out said the House Detective I 1 aint overly cheerful That sum summer summer summer mer cold of mine is still on yet and here it Is cold weather the wisdom of choosing this season for Thanksgiving said the Ho Hotel Hotel Hotel tel Clerk When a man has a cold in his head and a suit of or fuzzy underclothes under underclothes underclothes clothes that his skin got acclimated acclimated acclimated mated to yet hes a busy man Hes Hee got no time for idle brooding And all allday allday allday day long he can be giving thanks that when night comes hell peel off those flannel habiliments and just naturally turn t rn himself loose and scratch all the I latest tunes on himself other reasons why we should have Thanksgiving day along about now plenty of them the harvest time of tho the year The frost is ison ison ison on the and the currents in inthe Inthe inthe the shock The crops are all ail In the grain is all in and most of the gentlemen gentle gentlemen men who commonly speculate In those commodities are likewise all in inSo InSo inSo So everybody that is anybody will give thanks Charles Warren Fair Fairbanks Fairbanks Fairbanks banks will give thanks because he found out he lie was tt a candidate for president only about six months after alter everybody else found It out Suppose hed waited until the convention met The surviving financiers of Walt WalF street if there are any surviving financiers of Wall Vall street will give thanks that only one wave of renewed confidence swept over oyer the financial district last month Because if th red been two waves oud now be hearing of ot em renting out all the bank buildings be below below below low Fourteenth street stroet for quick lunch emporiums and undertakers parlors Many eminent financiers been able to combine business with religion in such a way as not to seriously in interfere Interfere interfere with the business will give thanks that they are not as other men and the other men will give thanks that they aint either Ladles Ladies without any hips to speak of ot will give thanks that they have the proper figure for the new fashion and ladies ladles with plenty of ot hips will give thanks that there are other styles on the way That ThatIs Is a joke jolce of my own Larry thank you for laughing The rh man man of C family whoa just juat got gotti goti ti w J i t I ty y through paying the bills for last Christ Christmas Christmas Christmas mas as Indeed many of the more fru frugal frugal frugal gal ones have will nIll give thanks that its still nearly a month till next Christmas Christ Christmas Christmas mas Mr 11 Bryan will give thanks that the Republicans haven t taken any an of his new doctrines away from him bun In the thelast thelast thelast last few months mainly because he hed d have any new ones to take and the Republicans will give thanks that Mr Bryans got one doctrine that he cant Induce em to take I refer to the immortal doctrine of government ownership of railroads which as you ou may recall was born one on night last year at Madison Square Garden with great and the next neat morning could not find anybody to nurse it The New York man will give thanks that he dont live Uve in Kansas ansas City Mo Io and the man in Kansas City Mo will give thanks that he dont live in Kan Kansas sas ms City CIt Kan Up on Fifth avenue Mrs A the society leader up there will give thanks because got a diamond stomacher that she cant see over without standing on tiptoe and out in Indiana Mrs J Henry Hen Hookers the society leader out there thre will give glye thanks because she was the first grown person that carried a Teddy bear in the Wabash valley Gain Coin Go In back home fur your Thanks givin dinner asked the thc House Detec tive No I 1 reckon not said the tine Hotel Clerk Im Ifon one of several hundred thousand parties in this town that are always going to go home for Thanks Thanksgiving ThanksgivIng Thanksgiving giving or Christmas but never do it on account of ot not set being b able bl to t l t theta 1 a I 1 r ron on a Broadway car without taking lakIng a transfer Say they used to throw a lot of poetry into the he Thanksgiving Thanks Thanksgiving Thanksgiving giving dinner they I 1 guess they do yet for that matter They The fed the turkey blamed a sight more more carefully than they fed the baby and do you youre re remember remember member how for about three days be beforehand beforehand forehand the kitchen gave oft off ot those bully smells that made mode a kid water liter at atthe atthe atthe the mouth until he felt like a set of riparian rights There Thero was a little pause pause as the two men stood together inside the gold mounted clerks alcove in the gorgeous lobby of the Hotel St Reckless I you ou be your Tha I givin said the House Detective I might go with you Over on Broadway said the Hotel Clerk be a glorious Thanksgiving ing day feast Larry Larr Well have a few tew slabs off of one of ot these those lovely cold storage birds that Mr Armour has been saving up for lor several years and some rom homemade plum pudding right out of the original can with white library paste called sauce poured over oer it and cranberry dressing fresh from the glucose glucose cose coca works and one of ot those tasty pies that they turn off on a printing press at that factory on First avenue And then well scratch a match and light our ci cigars cigars cigars gars If the kind you ou can light with a match and well len lean back In our chairs and give thanks Give thanks for tor wot asked tine the House Detective hoarsely Thanks for having lived through it I Ito N tide tUe Intel Hotel Clerk a t |
