Show Urges Eliminating Men Held Weddings S ric HAG BRIDE ORIDE GRooM A ThC OM THE t o LY C A THE THEli HE G OM t li o s AT JJ A i Fo ke Lu NO S S tr i iI I I He's Hes 3 Only in the thc Way Var Anyhow Anyhow Any h how w and His Hi Presence Him Kim to lo Suffer Unnecessary Unnecessary Un Un- necessary Torture Mar Mar- dages Like Executions Take Place at 11 o'Clock at Night Saving I Jh the Getting GeUng Up at Un com com- Hours for an Un- Un p 1 1 1 ro E morning cn S many S t. t By Selma Miller t I 1 HOLD the bridegroom I As the perfumed breath of June is wafted nearer the I of of cUc-of S the bridal pair is seen on the horizon and as a result a great g many young Salt SaIl Lake men arc are kept from joining their I nY ts by the thc fact that thai they ha have vc arranged to be married first Now in time of war it is essential that a nation become effective effective effect effect- ive lye as soon as possible Why should the bridegroom the only ineffective thing about a wedding wedding- be compelled to go through a ceremony which causes him acute anguish of mind when the pro pro- ro- ro cc as well be held without him pro A 9 i is not 1 L l needed u until n the bridal lUb luggage ase Is la carried aboard a train or a steamer and someone some some- one on-c. has to tip the porter Why have havel l him m appear before tHat mat Now ow the elimination of th the important import import- ant first part of the martial agreement ima j i ma may seem revolutionary to some peo- peo j i pie PlC but nevertheless less it has been sug- sug 1 The possibility of giving givin- the I bridegroom a helping hand an S. S O. O S. S call can to John I. I L. L Clark Salt Sail Lakes Lake's matrimonial pater or fi Iii other words the mariage manage license clerk at the city ll and county building I but off hand he ho had hal no help to give However after aCter a moments moment's reflection a Q bright little rare little birdie one of oC I those extinct Dodo specimens belonging belong belong- ing to the Little Miss 1 It Fix-It brand i in Mr ir Clarks Clark's ear car the thc proposed proposed proposed pro pro- posed reme remedy He lie chuckled and swa swayed ed edwith with del delight ht pivoting two or three times on his toes toc swung his hI hat around In the air ail anti and cried Eureka meanIng meaning meaning mean mean- ing o or of cour course e. e according to the old classic I have found H. H iL NEVER MIND MAN A A ss wedding was the then theof n i A e of or that little birdie to Mr Clarks Clark's C car one ear one which of oC course would be he painless s if iC a bit premature prem I We Ye have heard a great eat deal about the superfluous woman but this is tho the first time Ume anybody has had the nerve to intimate that there thero is any hour in i I Ian an any mans man's existence when he is only j I jin in the way war I Now ow Jn my personal opinion of oC this matter is that Salt Lake Lalo men especially especially espe espe- chilly the expectant will hail Mr h Clark as their great emancipator and if an any resent it It will be those who have haye a af er the novel and unusual It Is almost universally known that a a. groom room at a wedding looks as though he thought a game of poker or a a. bite on the line would be much more pleasing In all an this sad world there thero is no rio sadder adder sight than that of oC the groom room standing f at the altar more married against than marrying is the apt wa way in which Mr Clark describes the horror of the ceremony for Cor the average livid bridegroom ANESTHETIC WANTED He is mercifully allowed to turn his self conscious back bach to the wedding guests who regard th them m with the same glitter in their eyes ees with which the spec spectators tors at a bull fight look on the bull lIe He does not see them them them-ho ho stands there awaiting the cue for his dra- dra In tic I I do do and d dreading InS InS' that he may mayo I go o un up in his lines but hut to his blushing ears cars are wafted their delightful little comments I What hat on earth did she he see seo in him I I 11 cant can't understand Ethel with Ethel with all the beauty t she had too I It must be his mone money I suppose she thou thought ht that shed she'd better marry young oung She's the type that fades Cades early Well you'll sec ee This will last just about six months I They haven't th the slightest respect for Cor the uniform the they wont won't even een have havo merc mercy on a war groom room He Hc can hear thir refreshing little whispers about Well VeU I suppose they will let any any- timing Into the arm army these days just to encourage recruiting After ACter he has lived ived through tho the of or a wedding ceremony its it's no wonder the tho groom murmurs to himself himsel War ar was never like Ike this There is one ono good gool thing about being married though The groom can never be bored through the ceremony There are man many r little things he can do He can wonder why he ever eyer started all this anyway Ho can reflect on all aU those hoso promises ho hr is making and realize realize realize real real- ize that when he ho utters his I r do he has said something PAINFULLY PERMANENT I If It they'd only set a time limit on all this loving and cherishing and forsaking forsaking for for- or- or all others That's the trouble with tb whole hole arrangement Us U's Its It's so painfully permanent He ran wonder there is any po chance of ot tho rings ring's s eing ing found lound at the right mo mo- ment lIe He can pray for Cor a n miracle to happen a happen a miracle that will quickly and painlessly untangle the brides bride's veil from around his ankles He lIe can wondel wonder won won- del der whether he looks the wa way he feels Though he ma may not be clairvoyant he can see the mental reservations that are aro going on under the brides bride's veil when sh falteringly promises to obe obey him He can wonder how he ho is ever going to get down that interminable aisle with th the eyes eys of ot all her relatives I and anel old lovers erR upon him him and and look f SIt s sIf I i If he didn't mind It in the least Or 01 he heI can spend the time in just dreading the I rec reception From he beginning to end the process I I of oC getting married is a sad one The bride e plays the tho stellar role role- she is al always at- at ways in the limelight ht Everyone admires admires ad- ad I mires her and Is lis interested only in her The groom Is Is' just a sort of ot stage l 1 1 I tl iI I i I II I i I property It takes two to male make a wedding wed wed- ding that ding that is the only reason he happens happens hap hap- pens rens to be there at all Ho lie is lost In Ina Ina a a. fog of oC oblivion which envelops him from flom the first strains of ot tho the wedding march to the beginning of or the honey honey- moon GREAT SUFFERERS Perhaps somo da day something wilt will be le bedone lelone done lone to alleviate all tho the horrible suffering suf suf- ferin fering of grooms There is alwa always s some noble soul who rises to fill a crying need and somo some da day In the dim im Utopian future there will bo be born a ml mighty genius enius a benefactor to all hu bu- inanity who ho wilt will invent a bride bridegroom bridegroom- room room- le less S wedding Now r ow the only onh practical wa way to elimInate eliminate elim dim mate the bridegroom room from the marriage marriage mar mar- ceremony would be bo to put some I sort of oC social ocial taboo on his appearance A generation ago it was considered considered con con- I extremely Indelicate for en engaged engaged en- en girls to be he seen much in society after the wedding invitations were out and it was positively expected that the thelast thelast thelast I last few days das before the wedding must he be devoted by the prospective bride to fasting solitude and prayer prayer I Why cant can't we a arroe croc ree to rc ard the bridegrooms bridegroom's presence t e at his wn o-wn own wedding wedding wed wed- I ding clin- clinas as had bad form Ho lie would bo be distinctly distinct dis dis- grateful Apart from the tho actual Jal embarrassment of the proc proceedings he has haR seldom had time to get et over the effects of his farewell bachelor din din- ncr ner And now that we arc are on tho the subject subject sub sub- of wedding reform wh why not riot abolish another torture connected with getting etting ni married a rn e d. d EXECUTIONS AT ELEVEN In some states executions take tahe place at 11 o'clock at night Instead of or 5 Inthe Inthe in inthe the I often think that getting getting getting get- get ting up at sit 5 would be punishment I enough h fer cr an any crime without adding addingto to its horror the milder detail of or elec clec- But why should homicides bo be shown more consideration than bridegrooms Wh Why drag a man out of oC a sound sleep in time to dress for a morning ceremony cere cere- mon mony Anyway Anwa if we cant can't arrange to have the ceremony take talo place without without without with with- out the bridegroom we could at an any rate mitigate his suffering by abolishing abolish abolish- in lug ing tho the morning mornin wedding S |