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Show HUMOROUS HAPPYLAND Whei He Drw the Line. "I flua't find you trying to sell me blue paint when I ask for black," said the irte customer. "I don't object to you trying to force me to bay a screwdriver because you haven't the sort of garden hose I want." "My dear sir " "Twi can try substitution all you want to, and If you get away with it all j right But when you try to convince me very time I come Into your store tbJit I ought to adopt your politics instead in-stead of raj own, 1 draw the line. Good day." Her Futura. farttabte visitor Ha the little girl ever worked Id fr?.:tionn? Tenement Nweilor -No, ma'am: but he's going to work in a factory soon. Unforgettable? "It's a fine play, don't you think?" "Quite unforgettable! Whore shall me have supper afterward?" Rire. So Thoughtful of Him. Bridegroom (two day3 after wedding) wed-ding) I haven't seen anything yet of that $5,000 check from your father. Bride Well, you see, dear, papa heard that your father had already given ua one, and he knew we shouldn't care to have duplicate presents. pres-ents. Aftermath. "Is the editor in?" "All in, sir. The Civic club's ban-auet ban-auet must have been a hummer." Prestige. "The Climbleys have advanced another an-other round on the social ladder." "How is that?" "They lost two friends who were first' cabin passengers on the Titanic." Why He Asked Her. She I am sure there are many girls who could make you happier than I could. He That's just the difficulty; they could, but they won't. Beyond the City Limits. Mrs. Knicker So you had to discharge dis-charge the waitress? Mrs. Stubbubs Yes; Henry takes his breakfast on the run and she never nev-er could throw the roll Into his mouth Right Way to Proceed. "If you take each job as you come to it. opportunity will be chasing after you. instead of you chasing after opportunity." op-portunity." President James, University Univer-sity of Illinois. More Slander. "Ever notice at a woman's ga'hering how guilty the other women look when a fresh arrival comes in?" "That's right; whether they have been talking about her or not." Why must these alleged press humorists hu-morists always be slandering the women ? General Exit. "Was the audience enthusiastic?" "Yes, indeed. I never before saw people so anxious to get out of a place." Provocation. "Bingley, why does Oldboy refuse to speak to you? You used to be great friends." "Yes, when we were bachelors; but he's married now." "And what difference does that make?" "Well, the fact Is. 1 made him a handsome wedding present of a book, and he hasn't spoken to me since." I "What was the book';" " 'Paradise Lost.' " T't-Blts. At th Zoo. Mrs. Rhinoceros You have been 1 drinking again. Mr. Rhino Imposhible, m'dear; don't you see the horn is above my mouth ?" Hard Reality. "He pretends to be a very busy man." I "By jinks, there's no pretense ahout i it. lie supports a wire and seven ' children on a salary of $10 a month." The Point of View. "Do the Bronsons lead an ideal married mar-ried life?" "Well, the answer depends or what you consider an Ideal married Ufa. They seldom see each other." "I do believe my brother will be a bachelor. He has such bad luck! Every Ev-ery time he wants to marry a girl for love she has too little money." ' Listen. "Money talks." but It Is not over-cordial over-cordial with some of us. |