| Show r Sincere Beavers By Chris Wentworth A long long time ago probably probably probably proba proba- bly before there was dirt and Aunt Jamima was just getting started maybe even back to the age when President J. J L. L Nelson had hair existed a vast virgin forest in what we now fondly refer to as the US U.S. Being the Bicentennial Year and all I feel it a pleasure to bring to your attention attention attention at at- one of the greatest lumbermen lumbermen lumbermen lum lum- bermen this continent has ever known the North American ing beaver This champion of righteousness has contributed an boost to the economy of the United States in inthe inthe inthe the form of flood control Unfortunately Unfortunately Unfortunately this undaunted Spirit of 76 is fast becoming extinct Yes my fellow Americans were we're abusing the beavers beaver's constitutional constitutional constitutional rights life liberty and the pursuit of GOOD WOOD Did you know the United States has nearly its it's wood resource stockpile Purchase ase a 2 by 4 and notice the expense expense expense ex ex- ex- ex pense Are you starting to see plastic toothpicks Is the deluxe finish in your car really really really re re- re- re ally wood Have you examined your stores store's baseball bats lately they're metal Have you seen any Smokey Bear commercials like in the old days Toilet paper is going synthetic OUCH Mr Whipple is lying his buns off about softness Yes my comrades comrades comrades com com- rades were we're in a woody world of hurt Beavers eat wood Private U. U S. S and Canadian lumber companies are very greedy The wood we so dearly love is being sold to Japan in staggering quantities at a high price Japan sends us back Toyotas and How in the blue blazes can beavers eat Toyotas The Poor Critters And you wonder why your toilets toilet's running over Weve We've got to get it together Our governments government's very mixed up We sell wood to Japan for and Toyotas buy wood from Russia with our grain supplies supplies supplies sup sup- plies then charge import tax on the citizens of this country to buy the Toyotas to drive to the store that's out of bread because we sold our wheat to Russia to get the wood to sell to Japan that started it all in the first place Ya know The real problems crop up when we deny our beavers beav beav- ers good wood Without these miracle workers work work- ers of the highland constantly check and balancing the watershed of the timberland your whole house would run neth over every spring The importance of these fine individuals individuals individuals indi indi- seems to go unrecognized unrecognized unrecognized still The beavers are having having having hav hav- ing a tough time of it They work long hours without lunch no work rights no organized organized organized or or- labor not even coffee breaks They're not eligible for food stamps or welfare checks they deserve it more than some people They dont don't live long enough to collect Social Security or Medicare yet they put out more than any social worker on file Their plight t is one of utmost sincerity however very seldom do people write their Congressman Congress Congress- man for Beaver Funds I urge you to take action in this the two-hundredth two birthday of our nation Say a prayer for Beavers Save your sticks and take a beaver to breakfast Be kind to them always Beavers are truely MAN BEST FREIND Chris Wentworth Freshman Pres Editor J w 4 3 A special welcome to all the beginning beginning beginning be be- ginning Winter Quarter Stu Stu- dents You'll learn to love this college its it's truely an exceptional exceptional exceptional experience We need your ideas for our paper Help me out I or Chele Johnson are always listening come to the Student- Student body Offices anytime |
