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Show A tribute to Moms Am mm madly & mmmf Mm f By JUDY JENSEN The assignment was to submit an article about a "normal mom." A "normal" mom I thought, just what is a "normal" mom, and so the research began. ACCORDING to statistics a "normal" mom has 2.5 children, (slightly higher in Utah) drives a statioa wagon that is missing one hubcap and carries bandaids, aspirin and suckers in her purse for "life's little emergencies." The "normal" mem plays "Beat the Clock" daily starting with getting get-ting the kids oft to school on time. THE "NORMAL" mom has attended 1 .5 years ot college and is currently struggling with fifth grade math. The "normal' mom is a culinary queen. Hue to her kitchen kitch-en creativity her family has suggested sug-gested she write a hook entitled "10I Ways to Disguise Hamburger." Ham-burger." Grocery shopping is a triumph for the "normal" mom. She can be found "thumping" ana squeezing" squeez-ing" her way through the grocery aisle to the next "double" coupon bargain all the while maintaining her 88 percent efficiency rate in "Package Protection," the practice prac-tice of protecting cookie packages from premature openings by determined deter-mined two-year-olds. FROM THERE it's on to the clothing clo-thing store to buy another coat two sizes too large in the hopes that this will be the year the coat isn't lost before her child grows into it. A typical conversation between a "normal" mom and her child would include pharses such as "Whose boots are in the microwave?" micro-wave?" "But that's the third dog to follow you home this week." "If nobody touched it, how did it get broken?" "I'm not a maid!" "Can't Joey's parents ever drive?" And of course the classic "Eat it! There are kids starving all over the world." and "No! We can't mail it to them!" THE "NORMAL" mom is cap able of maneuvering her child filled station wagon through the 5:00 o'clock traffic, managing to get her son to dance lessons and her daughter to soccer practice before 5:15. Her greatest source of enjoyment enjoy-ment comes from the organized chaos of the evening, two loving sisters fighting over who wears the pink blouse tomorrow, the teenage son loudly discussing with his father who ran the car out of gas, the whining five-year-old who once again has lost his shoes and the supposedly weaned two-year-old begging at the refrigerator door for just one more "ba-ba." BUT SHE'S not worried. She has just purchased some industrial strength bath oil beads that promise prom-ise to "take her away." After having reviewed the typical typic-al day of a "normal" mom and compiling all of my research, I have found that there is really no such thing as a "normal" mom, for in order to be a "normal" mom you need to have a "normal" child and that's a whole other story... |