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Show Kal lileen Norris Says: Civinii lm Another (Ihnnm Mull Hyndh !.- WN1J U eatm a. Handy was sitting on lifl jl.';)J unuking. "t ll," lie laid, "I've gut to get out. All this sickens me. I'm tltme." the deep i;yn How many oj in rrnlizi! fioiv close up. citmo, nenrly every day, to going "off the deep end" over smnehody or something? some-thing? We can think oj dozens doz-ens oj irnvs to justify u ltat ice .noio to be rash moves, but ice don't mahe them, because ice know ichat the conse-ijuences conse-ijuences of our jixdishness tcill i be. Social pressure may be a burden, but it lias more than mere nuisance value. Our anxiety anx-iety about the opinions oj our friends and business associates associ-ates helps us to discipline ourselves our-selves before it becomes nec- i cssary for sonwone else to do it. By KATHLEEN NORRIS NOW and then a man and woman pet a divorce, drift about the world trying solitary living for awhile, meet each other again, and are remarried. In these days of too-frequent divorces di-vorces it often happens that wife or husband would be more patient, more tolerant more wise, if given another chance, and sometimes they have an opportunity to prove it. But not often. Usually the first tiling they do. upon getting free, is to tie themselves up to new mates ss fast as possible. Then new complications com-plications have to be taken Into account ac-count And when one partner takes a serious view of marriage and the other is bound by no law of God or man, it takes a man or woman of fine chnrnclor and hih principles j to forget and forgive. I Helen Johnson writes me her phase of this problem. She is 37; she married a prosperous dentist of 34, 14 years ago; they had a nice home, three children, friends and a good position when Randy Johnson went off the reservation entirely, three years ago, and demanded a divorce. Sunday Morning's Bad News "I will never forget the peaceful Sunday morning when he broke it to me that he wanted to marry his office clerk, a girl of 18," writes Helen, "The two older girls and I had just come back from church, the baby, then two, was running about the garden; Randy was sitting on the porch steps, smoking. Sandra and Pam went into the house, and Randy said immediately: 'Nell, I've got to get out. All this sickens me, the kids and the Sunday dinner and washing the car and all of it. I don't want to take pictures of Antoinette, I don't want to telephone to see if your brother and his wife can come over to play bridge, I'm done.' j "After awhile," the letter goes on, "the truth came out. The little girl In the office loved him, he couldn't break her heart and his. Better to have only one of us unhappy, he said, and I was to be the one. I could have the house, the girls, and $150 a month. That afternoon, while I was lying down with a headache, he came into the room we shared, silently packed his things, and stood in the middle of the floor to make a final speech. "He said that he knew everything I was thinking and everything my mother would say; that I have been a devoted wife, that our chiltiren were splendid and that he had no complaint to make. But, he said, no home is happy when the man of the family is bored and resentful; he knew I did not want to hold him against his will; he would see a great deal of his children, and in a few months our friends would accept ac-cept the situation with the same grace that he hoped I would. Heartbroken, Lonely Woman "He went to Reno, and I let him get a divorce. I was stunned. From feeling myself a happy, secure, beloved be-loved and necessary woman I was alone and heartbroken in the space of two months. But I pulled myself my-self together, rebuilt my life with the girls as well as I could, and after a long while was happy and busy again. I still loved Randy; I couldn't stop. He is a gentle, humorous, clever man, and he had made me very happy for 11 wonderful years. "Last year Pamela, my middle daughter, had to have undeveloped wisdom teeth, impacted, taken from her jaw. It was a hospital opera tion, and Randy, the only dental surgeon sur-geon in our small town, was asked to do it. Little Pam, with her courage cour-age and her spirit, captivated her father. I saw him twice during this time, and he asked me for permission per-mission to sea the other girls, all three sweet, natural pretty children, if I say it myself. After that he came humbly to me and asked me if he might be my friend, might see them now and then. I forgot to say that he and his office sweetheart, married immediately after the divorce, di-vorce, were also divorced 11 months later, and she has married twice since. Months of friendship, during which he has won the affection of the three girls, and appears to be the proudest and most understanding understand-ing of fathers, have brought him to the place where he wants to come home. He is almost 49 now.( "I want to clean my heart and mind," the letter goes on, "of the memory that he hurt me deeply, humiliated me, set all our friends speculating about our divorce, left our children when they needed him. But also I have to remember that Randy and I never quarreled; that our relationship was one of understanding, under-standing, laughter, co-operation, perfect per-fect companionship. I always thought of myself as the happiest of wives. 1 like to be a married woman; to have a man to spoil, consult, and be praised by. And there can never' be any other. Shall I give him another an-other chance?" N Stress Infidelity Too Much In answer I say, my dear Helen, I think we women put too much importance upon that type of infidelity in-fidelity that so often smites a man like a sudden high fever, just when his children are in the awkward stages of grade school homework, teeth-straightening, dime-demanding and comic-section infatuation. We say tacitly, even if we don't put it into words: "You may like women, dear, as much as you like, admire their minds and their talents. You may look after pretty 18-year-olds in the streets; that's quite excusable. You'va been devoted to me for 14 years now, and possibly some of the glamour in a purely passional sense, has worn off. But the minute you become interested in that young office half wit, out you go!" Now this isn't sensible. It is humiliating hu-miliating and shocking to realize that one's physical charms may pale, and that men are weak, but both facts afe indeed cold facts, and we have to face them if we want ever to be happy. Randy was flattered; flat-tered; she made him feel that he was Superman You, with all you know about him, couldn't honestly compete with her babbled little lisping lisp-ing compliments. He fell for it all, and has since proved to the world that he was a consummate fool, that ought to be some satisfaction to you, and a very wj?eut help in time of argument. |