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Show Current Wit I? PROOF The lecturer was getting warmed up to his subject. "And, friends," he said impressive- ly, "I tell you once again, medicine never did anyone any good." "That's not true," came a voice from the back of the hall. "Not true?" echoed the lecturer. "What do you mean?" "Medicine did my family a lot of good," went on the heckler. "But, my friend," said the lecturer, "you have no way of proving that statement." "Oh, yes, 1 have," replied the heck ler, "my father owns a drug store." Practically Minded "Daughter," said her mother, "has that young man you are going with ever mentioned the subject of marriage?" mar-riage?" "Oh, yes !" yawned daughter, "but 1 told him dad was so hard up he even couldn't afford tires for the car, let alone a husband for me," Quite a Distance Caller Does your maid try to make the food go as far as possible? Mistress Oh, yes; a lot of It goes at least a mile from our house to hers. Pathfinder Magazine. STYLE SUPERLATIVE A MEATIER MEAL He was a thin, ragged urchin and be had crawled in under the circus tent. The manager nabbed him. "Do you know what we do with boys like you?'' he thundered. "We make meat of them for the lions. Here, Carl, throw him into the lions' cage." The youngster looked up at him and said, "Oh, mister, let me see the show for nothing and I'll have the fattest boys in the place crawling under un-der tne tent tomorrow." Boston Evening Eve-ning Transcript. Equal to Emergency Captain Now, suppose you are on duty one dark night. Suddenly a person appears from behind and wraps two arms round you so that you can't use your rifle. What would you say? Cadet Let go, honey. Edmonton Bulletin. It Didn't Work Family Paper If not convenient to move household furniture outdoors to clean, place a damp cloth over the piece of furniture and then beat It. We tried this and the wife made us come back. Boston Evening Transcript. Not Fair Book Canvasser What do you think of Shelley? Don't you think he employs too many metaphors? Bilks Yes. I think he ought to give American workmen a chance. Ashington Collieries Magazine. Bid Below Value Young Man Tommy, tell me what your sister thinks of me and I'll give you a nickel. Tommy Aint a good laugh worth more than that? Brooklyn Daily Eagle. Those Americans "How long has America been discovered?" dis-covered?" "About 400 years." "There you are, and yet I read In a paper about 1,000-year-old giant trees of America you can't believe anything these Americans say." Leipzig Der Lustige Sachse. "That author has a most convincing convinc-ing style of diction." "Yes. But you ought to have heard the agent who sold me the set." Just as Good Judge Do you wish to have a defending de-fending counsel? Accused No, sir, but 1 should be obliged to you If you could get me two reliable witnesses. Berlin Die Grune Post. Indirect Persuasion Slowboy Your father is sitting up late tonight. Miss Willing Yes. I think he wishes to be on hand to give us his blessing. Evening Boston Transcript. Tran-script. An Expert Tool "Well, son-in-law, the boy talks very well already." "Yes, say 'Good-by, Grandma,' Tommy Tom-my I" Olten Woche im Bild. |