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Show Skiing Is As Easy As 1,2, have to get any of zat cold, vet, sticky snow on you. "Just read vhat a couple of my students have zaid about my technique, und decide for yourself." Covered with snow and afraid for my very life, I wore a black eye band and fake moustache to keep people from recognizing recogniz-ing me. I even tried wearing a racing bib to help disguise myself my-self . . . that is before trying Baron Kossel's remarkable technique. tech-nique. Skiing was one embarrassment after anottier until Baron Kossel and his miracle equations. 1 bless my lucky bindings I discovered the good Baron's book: Principia Skimatica: or Why Have Fun When You Can Ski Technically?" control yourself out zere. Good times have no place on the mountain. I hear a lot of skiers on good days zaying tings like 'out of zight' und 'groovy' und 'yah, Im zo ztoked." This is nonsense. non-sense. I'm against such talk on the mountain. These terms aren't mathematical, und I'm zure some may not even be goot in mixed companies. None are zo blind as they who cannot zee, I always reply to people like zis. 'But to get back to the zubject, all of skiing is no more than an offshoot of zis basic simple equation: If you've followed Ski Tips throughout the season, you know that they're aimed at givingbits of practical advice to apply while actually skiing. Most Park City instructors stressed learning with a "fun" attitude to make the instruction more enjoyable and a bit easier. Contrary to this way of looking at the sport, there's a little known other way of viewing teaching from a technical viewpoint. Although most modern instructors in-structors realize the growing technical aspect of the sport, few stress such factors. So, in all fairness to this side of skiing the technical end of it this week's Ski Tip is forwarded for-warded by a visitingexpert who recently published publish-ed a book on the subject: "Pricipia Skimatica or Technical Skiing Doesn't Have to Be Easy. Baron Von Wolfgang F ridel Kossel says he first came upon his theories after waking up following a massive airplane glue spill at a factory fac-tory in which he worked as a technical advisor. ad-visor. He advocates advanced degrees in both mathematics and physics before attempting his techniques. He says: "Don't be dissuaded by those who appear to have a good time from the start in skiing . . .stick to my formulas und sweat it out. Don't rely on gimmicks like release bindings. bind-ings. Keep your slide rule handy und remember, formulas und graphs are vhere it's all really at." the Baron explains. "Skiing is a state of mind, the physical part is extraneous. If you've seen von, you've zeen them both," he adds. "I have never been on a pair of skis in my life. Yet I can teach the sport from an armchair und actually prefer it dot vay. Continues the Baron: "Aboveall remember to Obviously, people zay to me after zey see it, why didn't I zee it dot vay before. It's zo elementary, elemen-tary, it needs little or no explaination. "I zay back to zem: 'pip, pip my pootski . . . just rejoice you are finally zeeing the light at the end of the canal! "Taking zis eqvation one step farther, turning mit skis on is just a matter of applying selected select-ed tangential torque ratios und plugging zem in. Yah, it's plain as the nose on the ant. 'Und, zo, there you basically have it. Of course, zere's much more; like my famous eqvation for stopping, und, my von for getting on the chair lifts. But if you buy the book ($10.95, hard cover; 65? soft bound), they're all zere, und many more. "7o learn to ski zis summer in your favorite armchair. It's child's play my vay.undyoudon't "That's me after just two lessons with the good Baron's equations heading for a high finish in my first professional race. And apres ski, I'm the hit of the party as I explain the differential equations of skiing to gorgeous and thrilled ski bunnies. I don't go anywhere now without my portable blackboard and chalk, and of course, a copy of the good Baron's book." |
