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Show - ( goln' thar tew gtt somethln' fer noth- I in', but 1 'low he's a-goln tew write homo for monoy tew come hack, on I ez usual Chicago News. I On on Pa. "Tommy, jour master's report of your work Is very bad Do you know that when George Washington waa your age he was head of the school?" "Yes, pa; and when he was your age ho was President of the United States " Exchange. j ri JUST FOR FUN Scttln. A farmer was sawing wood, when It occurred to him that ho ought to have tho help of one or more of his five boys. Lifting up his voice, ho called, but not a boy appeared. At dinner, of course, they all appeared, ap-peared, and It was not nocessary to call them. "Where were you all about two hours ago. when I wanted you and shouted for you?" "I was In the shop, settln' the saw," said one. "And I was In the barn, settln' a hen," said tho second. "I was In gran'ma's room, 60ttln' tho clock," said the third. "I was in the garret, sottin' the trap," said the fourth, "You are a remarkable sot!" remarked re-marked the farmer. "And where were you?" ho continued, turning to the youngest. "I was on the doorstep, settln' still." Judge. Lost Opportunity. A waterfront missionary In New Bedford, when that old town was the whaling capital of tho world, was trying try-ing to make a Biblical start with a Kanaka boat steerer by telling him the story of Jonah and the whale. "That man Jones," Interrupted the listener, "why didn't they throw him overboard again?" 'For what?" asked the missionary. 'Tor letting the whale get away." Everybody's. An Example. "There are no martyrs these days." "Oh, I wouldn't say that" "Do you think there are any people today who would suffer tortures for their beliefs?" "My wife believes that an eighteen-Inch eighteen-Inch waist looks better than a twenty-two, twenty-two, and I think she suffers a lot of genuine torture because of that belief." be-lief." Houston Post. A Good Reason. She How Is it you were not at the We6tend's reception? He I stayed away on account of a personal matter She May I ask what It was? He Will you promise to keep It so ret? She Yes. Ho Well, they failed to send me an Invitation Judy. Could Have Been Worse. Damocles was Intently watching the sword suspended over his head by a 6ingle hair. "Oh, well." he chuckled, "it might have been wono. Just suppose my wife had found that long poldnn huir ou my toga." Whereupon he ate his meal wllb great composure and hilarity Judge. Badly Fooled. "Were you fooled yesterday?" "Was I? I saw Hardup coming toward to-ward tho house and told tho girl to tell him I was out." "Well?" "Found out afterward he wa coming com-ing to pay me that tenner he borrowed bor-rowed from me." Baltimore American. Ameri-can. Same Old Excuse, 111 Hayrix "Wonder what ole lay Jlmson air a-goln tew lh' city for? SI Snodcras Ho b lleven he' a- |