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Show McGoofey's First Reader ! tes:r;.a Eclectic Primer jss, I i Edited by h. i. p'"mr- lis? .v V f i ft THE STORY OF JASON 1 Jason was no bargain. 2 He didn't know much about anything. 3 He was five years old before he could talk. And then his voice was found to be so obnoxious that his parents were almost sorry he had become vocal. 4 But when Jason heard his own voice he was Impressed from the first. 5 To him it seemed like rare music. 6 By the time he was ten years old he had become the noisiest boy in the neighborhood. He was a model for the original loud speaker. 7 In school he was the boy orator. ora-tor. Talking was the fulfillment of all his desires and the realization of all his hopes. 8 He was a living argument for bigger and better Quiet Zones. 9 Jason would argue with anybody any-body any time about anything and he would take three hours to pass a given point. 10 And he always Insisted on the last word. 11 He had become a major disturbance dis-turbance by the time he attained manhood, and his folks worried for fear he would have no future. Others Oth-ers worried for fear he would. 32 But he became a national figure. fig-ure. 13 No matter how loudly he ehouted he never said anything that made sense. He thought logic was the name of a Polish village. 14 So he was quickly grabbed up by a great political party and made one of its foremost campaign orators ora-tors and stump speakers at $1,000 a speech. ' 15 When he became certain nobody no-body understood what he was promising, prom-ising, he raised it to $2,000 and got it. MORAL There's a career somewhere some-where for the worst of us. . LITTLE POEMS OF SUNSHINE When everything goes wrong, Just smile ! When you can't quite get along, When the going's pretty bad And all life looks very sad, Just smile ! When it's raining all ,the day, Just smile ! When the clouds won't roll away, Just smile ! When you're sick as you can be And you're full of misery, Just smile 1 When you have no place to sleep,. Just smile! When your debts are very deep, Just smile! When you've lost your last thin dime And you're hungry all the time. Just smile! When the larder's bleak and bare, Just smile! When your life is full of care, Just smile ! When you're feeling sad and blue And the boss says you are through, Just smile! When you cannot pay the rent, Just smile I When you haven't got a cent, Just smile ! If you do, well then, alas! You're a goofy, silly ass, So smile ! THIS IS WALDO i Who is this? This Is Waldo. I - vg What Is Wal- ' ii Waldoiscroon- irfT5sW(fr A ( What is croon- ": iJQsr j ' Crooning Is a I'.'-pf-Jl national nui- Tf'-M- sance- I : .-.-r--- ' Can't Waldo stop crooning? i'es, Waldo can stop crooning. Then why doesn't he do so? Because there Is big money In It and very little work. Why Is Waldo paid big money for crooning? ' Because big radio advertisers believe be-lieve that a soft male voice with a little tremor Id It helps greatly In the sale of soap, soups, smokes and what have you. Has Waldo a tremor In his voice? Yes. When Waldo gets close to that mike with a nice soft lyric he sounds like a combination of all the great lovers of history suffering from a touch of asthma, heartburn and love-nest jitters. What's the general idea? The general Idea is that a man who sings like that reduces the middle-aged women of America to a state of complete hysteria, drives the young ones gaga, and makes even the grandmothers chase grandpa grand-pa around the house shouting, "Kiss me, my fool !" Is the idea well founded? Probably not; but once these radio station executives get sold on something you can't cure them without a major operation. How many women do you think find a radio crooner the answer to their prayers? I dunno, but every time one of those birds begins to do his stuff through the loud speaker something like 1S,95G,345 men leap at the radio set with an ax. Does it do any good? No. Then why do it? It just relieves the strain. WHAT'S WRONG WITH THESE SENTENCES? 1 "Anything you do Is all right," said the golfer whose opponent had just teed up his ball in a trap. "It's all good clean sport." 2 The bathing girl refused to go on the beach when she heard photographers pho-tographers were around. 3 The two heavyweight contenders contend-ers fought fifteen vicious rounds, throwing all caution to the winds. CURIOUS FACTS FOR CURIOUS PEOPLE 1 An alligator has no love motif. 2 Green peas may be mashed by placing them on a rock and hitting them with a nightstick. 3 The Japanese do not play marbles. mar-bles. 4 The first name of Alfred E. Smith is Alfred. 5 There is a lion In South Africa that has never seen a moving picture pic-ture camera. 6 Cherries may be put away for the winter in open barrels but they will not keep. 7 Mice may be kept in domesticity domes-ticity but it Is impossible to teach them to fetch your slippers. 8 In New York city today's morning morn-ing papers come out yesterday afternoon. aft-ernoon. PROBLEMS IN MATHEMATICS 1 John can mow a lawn 50 feet by 75 feet in 2 hours; Fred can mow a lawn 100 by 100 in 2 hours and 5 minutes ; William can mow a lawn 100 by SO feet in 1 hour and 30 minutes. Why do they all do it in the morning when neighbors are trying to sleep? 2 The eastern states produce 2,507,000 bushels of strawberries; the western states produce 5,087,315 bushels of strawberries; the other sections produce 1,5GS,!)67 bushels bush-els of strawberries. Why do you get so few strawberries in shortcake? short-cake? 3 If it takes a popular song writer 4S hours to write a song stolen from the classics of the great musical mu-sical masters, how many years would it take six song writers to produce an original number, even if one of them understood music? 4 Jennie can swim 500 yards in 2 minutes; Alice can swim the same -distance in 1 minute 55 seconds; Audrey can swim 1,000 yards in 4 minutes and 11 seconds. If they are at a fashionable bathing place with plenty of eligible boys to talk to, why bother? SCRAMBLED LETTERS CONTEST Rearrange these letters to spell the names of famous members of the All-Ameriean football team: 1 Kxzcwxorwylosrwetyzezc 2 Okoxozozloskyvitcli. 3 Gzolkosoilomanicitchoff. 4 Rosklezoorpowkieck. 5 Efghijklemonprstw. C (Irwlomnxzstgrwyerlop. 7 Tjlorwzxzoplokorofsky. |
