OCR Text |
Show fH.I.Phillipr W ANOTHER TAX IDEA! It's all done by suction pump! The treasury department has proposed that congress require that 10 per cent of your wages and other income be deducted at the source and paid to Uncle Sam for income taxes! No pains! No sleepless nights! No complicated mathematical problems! prob-lems! No troublesome routines! No blanks. (Just come in and bring a gallon of blood.) Randolph Paul, the treasury expert ex-pert behind the latest idea, says there will be 28,000,000 novice taxpayers tax-payers under our new laws, all in the lower brackets, and that, as few of them can save any money for taxes, the only way to collect is to take it at the source. It's a perfect per-fect tax-collection plan. Ball-bearing, high-speed and frietionless, it picks up the lint off the rugs and the dandruff off your shoulders. A baby can use it as well as an adult. . You pay through the nose. Under Un-der federal nose control. It makes it easier for everybody except the boss and the bookkeeping bookkeep-ing department. Well, they're too groggy to notice a little extra work anyhow. Under Mr. Paul's proposal the boss handles the whole business. He does the deducting, answers your squawks, tries to smooth your wounded feelings and then prepares certificates, affidavits and miscellaneous papers to be filed and forwarded to all necessary neces-sary addresses. The employer gets carbon copies while the glee club softly sings "Among My Souvenirs." Not that you don't have to bother to make out a tax blank. You have to do that just the same as ever. The new plan makes it more exciting. If, when you figure up what you owe Uncle Sam, you find the 10 per cent share of your salary has overpaid the tax, you apply for a refund. If you find you're still shy a few dollars you send 'em in. (And if you're still baffled yon retire to a cool dry place and await further advices.) It probably never will be passed. But if it is, the folks will take it without undue lamentations. War is war and it costs money. "Bus Lines Pooled." Headline. All the road hogging is to be done under one head now. The government again this time through Donald M. Nelson warns that autos may be seized unless every ev-ery driver cuts down his speed and uses his tires as little as possible. How about having the cops stop and take the names of all those drivers who still ignore all the warnings? And then beginning the seizures from that list? Uniforms for the women's army have been chosen, and it is a relief to know that they will be standardized so that no lady will refuse to turn out on the ground some other member of the outfit out-fit looks smarter. MYSTERY I'm full of curiosity, Which nothing ever throttles, Why women think, for charm, they need So many jars and bottles. PIER. All work on theaters and ball parks must be stopped, it is announced an-nounced by the WPB. Skinny O'Day, captain of the grammar school nine, says he hopes it doesn't mean that his team can't complete that new backstop made of rusty wire. Add similes: He was as exhausted exhaust-ed as a man who just cut his lawn with a power mower. GANGWAY Elmer Twitchell is all upset over a rumor he just heard in connection with the ban on cuffs on men's trousers. He hears that Mr. Henderson may order the seizure of all men's pants this summer sum-mer if the situation gets worse. A German U-boat commander, judging from his radio message, is worried because American girls can sit on bathing beaches. Is it possible pos-sible that Schicklegruber is to declare de-clare war on Miss America? As we understand it Washington Washing-ton is now pessimistic because of all the optimism. Patriot No. 345: The fellow who, reading that Uncle Sam must ban cuffs on trousers to conserve cloth, goes down and orders six new suits before the cuff order takes effect Wooden tires have been successfully suc-cessfully nsed in St. Louis. But it must seem funny to call op a carpenter to fix a flat. |