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Show Kathleen Norris Says: ! Dull Days Ahead for Many Bell Syndicate. WNU Features. "Even in peace timet many preJry wife discovers that early married life is a tery serious business, and that most young husbands don't like to see their wives dancing." By KATHLEEN NORRIS " T T'S ONE thing to be a war I widow, and be bored and J- lonely for three years," writes Phoebe Cutter from Minneapolis, "but it's another thing to have your man come home, dissatisfied with everything, every-thing, discouraged about everything, unwilling to make the slightest effort to rebuild the happiness we once had. "Sam and I were married five years ago," the letter goes on. "I am not prettier than the average run of girls, but I am pretty, 27 now, and still loving to meet my friends, to plan good times, and to dance. It seems to me hard to think that all that is out of my life forever. for-ever. I'm a good manager and housekeeper, and despite the fact that we have a daughter almost four, did part-time work during the war, and kept our financial head above water. "Sam has his old job back, but he is dissatisfied with it His old boss is dead, and a man Sam trained is boss, and making the most of it. When I ask him to break away he says he feels too old and tired to try for a change. He Is 34, but seems much older than that. He ! talks of approaching inflation and depression, unemployment and hard ' times; he thinks I have spoiled Mopsy, and that she doesn't like him. Of course, if he will make no effort to win her affection, so small a girl is not likely to give it. , 'Nothing Matters.' t "During the war my mother lived i with me. She is a trained nurse, and . is now taking cases again. When he first returned she suggested that she leave us, but Sam protested, saying wearily to me later that It didn't matter how many persons lived with us. That Is his general position; nothing matters. He drags quietly through days of uncongenial work, comes home to sit silently in the sitting-room until I say dinner is ready, doesn't read the papers much or listen to the radio. We have been once together to movies since he got home; then it was a war film, through which he trembled and muttered mut-tered all the time. My heart is sick with pity for him, but I don't know what to do. I consulted a psychiatrist, psychia-trist, telling him I thought Sam was a borderline case. He only laughed and said it would be years before they got through the genuine cases and came to the possible ones. "And meanwhile men admire me, and want to take me places for dinner din-ner and dancing," the letter concludes, con-cludes, "and the best years of my life are going by, and I don't see anything ahead except housework, baby care, and the endless efforts to cheer Sam. What to do?" Phoebe, my dear, I say In answer, an-swer, this won't last. This is the slow convalescence from war fever that thousands hundred of thousands thou-sands of men are suffering, and must endure for a while. To Sam civilian life, with its vagueness. Its frivolities, its serene unconsciousness unconscious-ness of what he has been going through, is stypefying. He can't get used to it. He has been starved himself, In prison camp, for weary weeks tfnd months, he has seen strong, courageous young men starve to death. Trivialities Madden Him. To see you concerned about new bedcovers, the cost of lamb chops, I "Go on Sunday picnics u ith Mopsy" . . . THIS TOO, WILL PASS As more and more servicemen service-men come home, the number of distraught wives multiply. All too often the long-awaited homecoming is the prelude to a nightmare. Husbands return changed almost beyond recognition. recog-nition. They are irritable, restless, petulant, suspicious or else cold and dull. Phoebe writes that her Sam is back, but so different! He got his old job agair, but doesn't like it. At night he sits glumly reading the paper. His little daughter doesn't interest him. There seems to be nothing noth-ing that he cares about deeply. All this is very painful to Phoebe. She had looked forward for-ward for three years to the time when Sam would be back with her, and they could pick up their former happy way of life. Now it all seems blasted. There seems nothing ahead but long, dull years of trying to make the best of it. To a pretty girl of 27, still young enough to enjoy dancing and parties, it looks quite drab. Miss Norris replies that this sad time will pass, and that gradually Sam will recover much of his old personality. The dreadful experience of war must be forgotten, and that takes time. There are brighter days ahead for wives who patiently and loyally endure en-dure this mental convalescence of their war-weary husbands. i the fit of Mopsy' s hat, rouses In him emotions of such anger and despatr as almost wreck his reason. He knows the world Is topsy-turvy, that the powers of good are temporarily tem-porarily helpless against the powers pow-ers of greed, politics, stupidity that are ruling now. But gradually, as order emerges from chaos all over the world, and here and there progress is seen, this nation and that struggling back to decent rule, to new ideals of statehood state-hood and citizenship, Sam will recover re-cover too. Your good times may have to wait for awhile, but they will come. Even in peacetimes many a pretty young wife discovers that early married life is a very serious business, and that most young husbands don't like to see their wives dancing. And this Is postwar post-war time. Sometime we'll learn that recovery from war is almost as bad as war itself. It isn't the men who die from a clean bullet wound who pay for the war, ft's the others, like your Sam, who come home sickened with the waste and suffering of the camps, to find the old life equally bewildering and disappointing. dis-appointing. Take time to win him back. Make him important. Do the things he likes to do. Go off into the country with Mopsy for Sunday picnics, Just you three. Read books read some of the thousand books that are telling tell-ing us, too latel how this war might have been avoided. Discuss these books with him, and let him talk. With the right guidance he'll recover from all this, and the world will. Meanwhile, carry your tiny speck of responsibility courageously, courageous-ly, and make your corner of the world as bright as you can. |