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Show et Kathleen Norris Says: a 7a Coming -Home Problems ou is Bell Syndicate. WNU Features. , o l or I ' ! VS. "Giue Aim a ZiftZe responsibility about the baby. Let Carl see that Junior gets disciplined and isn't always first." By KATHLEEN NORRIS "AFTER 22 months overseas - my husband came home L last October, honorably-discharged," honorably-discharged," writes a Springfield Spring-field woman. "Carl is 24, 1 am 20. We have a boy who was born eight months after his father went away; Carl and I had known each other only four months before we were married, had only six weeks together. It seemed then as if it were ttte real thing; we loved each other deeply, and our letters never lost their tone of passionate devotion. "His concern when he knew a baby was coming, the ridiculous things he bought for the baby in Wales, where he was stationed, his excitement over a son's arrival all helped to carry me through that bad time. We lived with my mother, Junior and I, and waited for daddy to come back to us. Carl Sr. was in the first parachute attack on France, was wounded and hospitalized hospital-ized for some months, went back into active service again, and was discharged because of an attack of 6tomach ulcers, for which he is now being treated. He has now rejoined his father and brother in a very successful suc-cessful catering and pastry business busi-ness long established in the family. I am employed in this family business, busi-ness, calling on clients in their own homes and making arrangements for weddings and receptions. My tather-in-law and two brothers-in-law are extremely kind to me, and the whole relationship is pleasant and easy. Completely Changed. "Now Carl comes back a com-pletely com-pletely changed character. In the , first place he responded very indifferently indif-ferently to the baby; naturally '. Junior was not won by a father who glanced at him so coldly, and will not go to Carl at all. Then Carl didn't like my living with my mother, moth-er, although he and I had never had a home here, but only six weeks together to-gether in California, near a camp. We have no furniture, and housing is scarce. My mother is very gentle and kind, and being with her would certainly solve my housekeeping problems and enable me to go on helping with the income. "With me Carl is silent and disagreeable, dis-agreeable, shaking off all affectionate affection-ate overtures, telling me briefly that he wants to 'get away,' saying that his father's business makes him sick, sneering at our optimistic remarks concerning the war, and at the same time refusing to tell us anything of his own experiences on the ground that he is sick unto death of the whole thing. He refuses to have the stomach operation the doctors doc-tors think advisable, but not urgent, and is altogether unmanageable and miserable. Of course that makes us all sad. I am so willing to be a eood loving wife to him and could so easily love him again, for he was a wonderful, wise, good-natured man when I married him, but I cannot much longer buck against this constant con-stant attitude of being bored or dis-pleasedl dis-pleasedl Would you advise me and the baby to leave him, would you advise ad-vise a divorce, or what would you advise?" Dear Lisa: I would advise you to give Carl time, and to employ that time with every means in your "H it lilent and disagreeable. . . ." RECOVERY TAKES TIME The terrible impact of war on a soldier s nerves is something some-thing people who stay at home can never understand. .This is particularly true of a sensitive young man who has been exposed ex-posed to some extremely horrible hor-rible experience. Such a case is related in this article. A young wife tells Miss Norris about her husband, Carl, a parachute trooper, who was released because of stomach stom-ach ulcers. Carl was devoted and affectionate until he returned re-turned from service. Now he seems cold and detached, showing little interest in his baby son or his wife. Everything Every-thing seems unimportant. This difficult phase, says Miss Norris, is a common experience ex-perience of combat veterans. The shock of battle lingers for months. There is nothing to do but to be patient and considerate. con-siderate. power to convince him that love and peace and home life are the normal status of American husbands and fathers, and that after a while he will begin to realize how much he has left. He has had an overdose of cruel reality; loneliness, guns, danger, pain, illness, cold. He will gradually gradu-ally come back to his old cheerfulness cheerful-ness of outlook. Put Him First. But while this slow curative process is going on, help him by being completely reasonable. That is, don't look for rational or normal nor-mal conduct in him. If he feels the baby is spoiled, agree with him and be a little hard on the baby. If he is sick of meals in your mother's company, take him out to dinner, or encourage him with talk of hunting for a little apartment or better, a little farm, of your own. If he glooms about the war, gloom with him, immediately im-mediately afterward conceding that valor, courage, defense of America are splendid things, however they are evoked. Above all, put him first. Make him important. At any cost be always free to walk with him, plan with him, buy architectural books and study them with him. Give him a little responsibility about the baby, let Carl see that Junior gets disciplined disci-plined and isn't always first. Meet his look with laughter and affection; start every sentence with his name. "Carl and I want to Carl was saying say-ing Carl thinks " Two factors are working against you. One is the frivolous nature of the family business, sure to jar on a man just returned from facing such ghastly realities. The other is stomach stom-ach ulcers. These come nearer to driving men insane than any other purely physical ailmentI know of. But you are not the only woman who has had this coming-home problem prob-lem to solve, Lisa. You will soon be joined by a million others; this is going to be our real postwar problem. prob-lem. And a good marriage is worth saving. There is a very special sense of triumph and joy in the happiness we win through doubt, difficulty and pain. |