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Show Giving Mother a Tip. The serious looking man was trying . . hard to listen to the speaker's eloquence, elo-quence, but the squalling of an infant in the row of seats directly ahead gave him little opportunity. Annoyance Annoy-ance gave way to irritation and irritation irrita-tion in turn was superseded by resolve. re-solve. He leaned forward, touched the mother on the Bhoulder and in a dispassionate tone asked: "Has your baby been christened yet?" "Why, no sir. Why do you ask?" "Merely because I was about to suggest that if he had not beeD christened you might name him 'Good Idea.' " "And why 'Good Idea?'" asked ths woman. "Because," the man struggled hard to repress his feelings, "it should ba carried out." How He Escaped. "Some of my bulbs have rotted in the ground. Ever have that happen to you?" asked the commuter of the man who sat beside him in the train. "No, I can't say I have," replied ths other. "And the bugs In my rose bushes are a pest. Do you have any troubla of that kind?" "Not a bug on a single bush." "That's strange. Now, with my lawn, I find that only about half the grass looks healthy. The rest won't grow, no matter how much I water it. But I suppose you know from experience experi-ence what that is?" "Never had any grass troubles, either." "Great Scott, man!" exclaimed tha commuter. "How do you manage to escape all these annoyances" "Easily, sir. I live in a hotel." Enlightening Him. Mr. Meek was laboriously hooking up the back of his wife's evening dress just as the clock was striking their dinner hour and their dinnei guests were ringing the door bell. Mr. Meek breathed hard; his forehead was damp and his hands shook. "I do wish some one would invent a machine to do this kind of work!" he muttered miserably. "Why, they have!" replied his wife brightly as she applied some powder nonchalantly to her nose. "They have, and you are it.' Slightly Altered. "He is a self-made man, Is he not?" "Yes, except for the alterations made by his wife and her mother." Judge. When the Price Goes Up. "We never learn to value things until un-til after they are gone." "That's very true. A silver-plated butter dish that cost us $4 becomes family plate worth $100 if burglars break in and steal it." Detroit Free Press. Horror. "Times have changed for the bet ter. Torture, for instance, Is no longer allowed." 'I don't know about that. There are four families in this apartment whose children take music lessons." His Aim. "What are you doing down there at the clock in the hall at this time of morning?" ' Arbritration, m'dear; tryin' to atop a disastrous strike." Baltimore American. Just Give 'Em a Chance. "Men are too slow to embrace an opportunity." remarked the sage. "But they are always looking for a chance to hug a delusion." added tho fool. Cincinnati Enquirer. Amply Described. "What kind of a fellow is he'" "Oh, he's the kind of a fellow who goes out for a walk with you and then tells you how democratic he is not afraid of being seen with anybody." any-body." Yale Record. Job Outdone. "He's the most patient man on record. rec-ord. ' How so?" "He can group a crowd of persons to take their photo and not once lose lis temper." Philadelphia Ledger |
