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Show Could Spare Her. Tommy's mother was an invalid, so his Aunt Lavinia looked after him and the house. And she never missed a chance of pointing out a fault or expounding ex-pounding a precept. "Oh, dear," said Tommy one day, after auntie has lectured him for ten minutes, "I wish I had wings!" "Why, my pet?" asked mother, pleased at this angelic inspiration. "Oh, I'd fly up in the air with Aunt Lavinia, and I'd fly and fly till I couldn't get any higher." "Yes, dear," said mother proudly, as the little chap paused impressively. impressive-ly. "What would you do then?" "I'd drop Aunt Lavinia!" said Tommy savagely. Stray Stories. Somewhat Different. "What is the price of that porch chair?" asked the lady shopper. "Seventeen dollars, madam," replied the clerk. "Seventeen dollars!" echoed the would-be customer. "Aren't you mistaken? mis-taken? It surely can't be worth that much." "Pardon me, madam," rejoined the conscientious salesman. "It is probably prob-ably worth $1.50, but you asked the price." Nothing Doin'. "Mamma," called four-year-old Har-; Har-; old from the nursery, "please come and sit by my bed until I go to sleep." "Mamma's busy now," was the reply. re-ply. "Keep quiet and the angels will be with you." "You said that before, mamma," rejoined re-joined Harold, "and I have kept quiet ever so long, but not a blamed angel has showed up." Summer Plans. "You are going away for the summer?"" sum-mer?"" "Of course," replied Mr, Bliggins; "that is to say, my family will go away. I'll stay here." "But the climate won't be comfortable." comfort-able." "I don't care anything about the climate. cli-mate. All I want is rest and quiet." The Noiseless Age. Diggs Would you like to join out society for the suppression of useless noise?. Biggs Don't know. When are you going to start? Diggs With the next political campaign. cam-paign. We are going to have the number num-ber of cheers reduced from 'three to one. Naturally. "The line of battle in Europe just now reminds me of our telephone exchange." ex-change." "How so?" "It's a line that's always busy." AUKN'S FOOT-TCAS15 for the TROOPS Over 100.000 paolt.-iprea tf Allen's Foot-Ease, the autisepl ic powder to shake into you r siloes, are beiuif used by the German and Allied troops at the Front because it rests the feet, (rives instant in-stant relief to Corns and Bullions, hot, swollen, neliinfr, tender feet, and makes walking easy. Sold everywhere, 25e. Try It TODAY. Wf atL-efi any substitute. Atlv. At the Club. "So our proposal was laid on the table, after all." "I thought it would be dished." VOI R OWN DRUGCilST WILL TKI.I. TOD Try Murine Eve Remedy for Red, Weak. Watery Myes and Granulated Byellds: No Smarting lust Eye comfort. Writ for Book of the Kyfl by mall Free. Murine Jye Remedy Co.. Chicago. Suspicious Precaution. "Did he marry for money?" "Well, he always makes her wear a veil when they go out together." |
