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Show The Millard County Chronicle Published Every Tliund.iv il Oillj, Miihrj ujunly. Uuh It is now up to the Emperor of Austria to fiKtire out, who put the dumb in Dumba. Never mind, Anxious Mother. It is not of record that any of the presidents of this United States ever took a prize at a baby show. Down in Omaha, the other day, a confidence man sold an eastern fellow who was enroute west to buy a farm, a one-third intrest in the U. P. R. R. for $410 cash in advance. This the victim said, was the savings of a lifetime, and its a lumber yard against a toothpick that about $50 of it was from not subscribing to the local "paper in which such schemes are exposed A committee of English and French financiers are in New York to negotiate a loan for the allies of some $300,000,000.00. They'll get it.doubtless at about six per cent, from the same bunch that grudgingly squeezes out loans to western farmers at from eight to ten per cent, notwithstanding notwith-standing the promises and protestations protes-tations made while the new banking bank-ing law was in course of passage. pas-sage. Consider the editor. He wear-eth wear-eth purple and fine linen. His abode i3 among the mansions of the rich. Lo! All the people breaketh their necks to hand him money. 'A child is born unto the wife of a merchant in a bazar. The physician getteth 10 golden plunks. The editor writteth a stick and a half and telleth the multitude that the child tippeth the beam at nine pounds. Yet he lieth even as a centurion. And the prDud father giveth him a cigar. Behold, the young one groweth up ana graduateth. 1 And the editor putteth into his paper a swell notice. Yea, a peach of a notice. He telleth of the wisdom of the young woman, and of her exceeding comeliness. Like unto un-to the rose of Sharon is she and her gown played up to beat the band. And the dressmaker get-tethtwo get-tethtwo score and four iron men. And the editor getteth a note of thanks from the S. G. G. The daughter goeth a journey, and the editor throweth himself on the story of the farewell party. It runneth a column solid. And the fair one remembers him from afar with a picture postal card that costeth the sixth part of a jitney. Behold, she returneth and the youth of the city fall down and worship. She picketh one, and lo, she picketh a lemon. But the editor calleth him one of the most promising young men and getteth away with it. And they send unto him a bid to the wedding wed-ding feast, and behold, the bids are fashioned by Muntgummery and Hawbuck, in a far city. Flowery and long is the wedding notice which the editor printeth. The minister getteth ten bones. The groom standeth the editor off for a 12-month subscription. All flesh is grass, and in time the wife is gathered into the silo. The editor printeth a death rotice, two columns of obituary, three lodge notices, a cubic of poetry and a card of thanks. And he forgetteth to read proof of the head , and the darned thing cometh out "Gone to Her Last Roasting Place." And all that are akin to the deceased jumpeth on the editor; with exceeding great jumps. ! And they pulleth out their ads1 and cancelleth their subscriptions subscrip-tions and they swing the hammer ham-mer unto the third and fourth generation. Canst thou bear it? Ex. |