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Show VEXATION OF SPIRIT fTT THEN I was in business," said VV the retired merchant, "I never had time to read much, and I used to look forward to the glad day . when I could revel In literature. I felt i sure I'd be entirely happy. I used to lei? out of'my superannuatedr"inTrts. "Oh, doggone it, there Isn't any tin-adulterated tin-adulterated happiness in matrimony. I I -wonder that young fellows like Goose-worthy Goose-worthy don't look around them, and contemplate the dejected appearanca of the majority of husbands. But even if they did. it wouldn't do them any good, I suppose, for they are full of pipe dreams, and they think the girls they are going to marry are different ; from all other girls, and that they will prove exceptions to the general rule. "I had a wise old uncle, in those halcyon hal-cyon days, and about a week before the wedding day, he backed me into a corner and handed me a dust-proof package of wisdom. He tried to lead me into taking a sensible view of the future. He talked about the cares and responsibilities that would be mine after the wedding, and - wanted to know if I felt equal to them. He tried to show me that I wasn't going to marry an angel, but a human being like myself, with a human being's faults and frailties. j "I let him get that far, and then I told him that his gray hairs alone saved him from having his head remodeled, re-modeled, and said I never wanted him to darken my door, and he never did. I had to darken it myself, with wal nut stain. But many a time afterward, after-ward, I recalled his wise words and wept over his grave." 4? Jot down the titles of books I Intended to read, and when I retired re-tired from business busi-ness I had a list as long as the Russian battle line. "And now that I can read all I want to, I don't get any enjoyment enjoy-ment otit of books. They bore me the worst way. I get sleepy as soon as I begin to read, and my wife comes and tells me my snoring Is disturbing' the neighbors." "It's that way with everything we look forward to," observed the hotel-keeper, hotel-keeper, sadly. "Man always will be, but Is never blest, as some half-baked poet remarked. Young Gooseworthy was in here last evening, bubbling over with, happiness. There wasn't anybody any-body around, so he took me into his confidence. He's going to marry Gwendolin Jimalong, next month, and he's perfectly satisfied that his married mar-ried life will be one long stretch of sunshine. He seems to have the Idea that he's going to do something original orig-inal when he gets married, but the idea isn't new. Men have been getting married ever since Christopher discovered dis-covered Columbus, Ohio, and every doggone man Jack of them had the idea that everlasting bliss was going to be inaugurated on the wedding day. "I listened to Gooseworthy for three hours, and hadn't the heart to say anything that would dampen his enthusiasm. en-thusiasm. His twittering recalled the long vanished days when I was getting get-ting ready to be married. I felt about It then just as he does now. I thought the parson opened the gates of paradise para-dise when he Joined two loving hearts. My wife lived up to all the plans and specifications, and was and is one of the best women in the United States, but I hadn't been married three months before I had a sneaking conviction con-viction that the man who gets married Is a chump. "A good many optimists say that a married man doesn't need any more money than a single one, If he marries the right sort of woman, but they might as well go to the blackboard and demonstrate that two and two make two, instead of four. I fell for that cheerful theory when I was married. mar-ried. I was earning enough to keep myself comfortably, and never had any financial worries. I could have been burled for less money than It took to be married, and the expenses from that time forward were double what they used to be, although my wife was so economical she used to make waists and such ..things for her- |