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Show 15 Lakeside Review, Tuesday, May 15, 1990 LakesideCommunity Miss Layton Keep kids safe from potential abuse pageant slated LAYTON Applications are being accepted for the Miss Lay-to- n City Scholarship Pageant, 'slated for Saturday, July 21 at : La ton High School. By VALERIE PHILLIPS Standard Examiner correspondent WOODS CROSS While social worker John Ellison was watching a moie one afternoon he overheard a grandmother tell her granddaughter she could go to the bathroom alone. He was so disturbed he followed the girl and waited outside the bathroom and followed her back into the theater to make sure she was safe. Working with cases of child sexual abuse and pedophiles has made Ellison aware of how children are often set up for abuse by unwitting parents or grandparents. During a recent luncheon at Benchmark Hospital, he told members of the Davis County Child Abuse Team some ideas of how' parents can help keep their children safe. He said other examples of set-uarc when we leave the baby in the car at the grocery store, or send a child on an oxernight sleep-ovwhen we dont know anything about the parents, or trusting someone because of their position in the community." As an example, a parent of some of Ellison's patients shared the podium to Pre-xenti- on ps er a gie first-han- d account of the conse- quences of child sexual abuse. Just six months ago. he discovered that for years his five children had been sexually abused by his stepfather. What made the discoxery so shocking was that their now deceased, was a former elementary and high school principal. "He had abused his own son, who also became a pedophile, and my children actually had two people after them when they went to visit their grandmother, the parent said. But the parents never suspected any problem because the children never complained and acted happy about the isils. As the children grew up they experi- enced serious psychological problems, but it wasn't until the memories were uncovered through hypnotherapy that the parents learned why. Abuse has its warning signals Salt Lake City social worker John Ellison says the myth that sexual behavior between a child non-viole- adult true. nt and wont damage the child, isnt Ask someone who you know who is an abuse survivor, ask them if it hurt them, he said. Possible scars from child abuse clude: Low in- stemming from hidden shame and guilt Psychosomatic illness Chemical dependency Sexual problems B Maritalrelationship problems b Depression B Suicidal tendencies B Obsessivecompulsive disorders, such as overeating or anorexia. Warning signals that your child has been or is being abused include: Depression, withdrawal, poor chemical abuse, running away or aversion toward going home. Infections, cramping or abdominal pains, dizziness, gagging and severe such as headaches; cutting, burning and tattooing; suicide attempts, truancy. Change in' school performance, overtly seductive behaviorpromiscu-ityprostitutioeating disorders, limited social life, attention-gettin- g or okai The grief for us was almost unbearable. he said. We found out that the people who love the kids are also victims. Ellison said 25 percent to 40 percent of women in the United States have been the victims of some form of forced sexual abuse, and estimated that the statistics for men are 20 percent to 25 percent. He said substantiated cases of abuse and neglect in Utah have risen 44 percent since 1987. He added that the self-estee- self-imag- e, n; ' one. The term sexual abuse is applied to the sexual exploitation of a child under 8 years of age who is not capable of understanding or resisting the contact, or who may be dependent upon the defender. Often times abuse cant be prevented. Theres nothing you or the child could have done, but if the child knows you are comfortable talking about these matters, he will be more likely to talk to you. In order to educate their children, he advised parents to use two videos that can be borrowed free from several local video shops. One, Where Did I Come From? an adaptation from a book, explains the facts of life to children. Ellison encouraged parents to view the video alone first to get comfortable with it, then to see it with their children. Watch it enough times so you can watch it without getting red in the face, he said. The other video, Strong Kids, Safe Kids, emphasizes helping children to deal with abuse from someone they know as well as strangers. He advised parents to begin showing the films as early as infancy. I know pedophiles who have abused babies, literally taken off their diapers, he said. Ellison said most of the pedophiles hes worked with were abused as a child, but there are many people who are abused that dont become abusers. He said one reason there are more male pedophiles is that women express their anger differently than men. Frequently sexual violence is an expression of an, delinquent behavior. In younger children, some symptoms include: Nightmares or other sleeping disturbances, bedwetting, fecal soiling, excessive masturbation, clingingwhining, regression to infantile behavior, explicit sexual knowledge. behavior, or language unusual for their age, withdrawal, frequent genital infections, unexplained gagging, loss of appetite. Here are some tips on how to talk with the child if abuse is suspected: Choose a private place; do not suggest d what happened; use questions; use words for body parts and sexual contact that the child can understand. Tell the child its okay to talk with you, even though he has been told by somebody else not to. Reassure the child it was not his fault. Reassure the child that he is not bad because of what happened, Dont make it into an ordeal; a short discussion is all most children can handle, Tell the child he did the right thing by talking with you about it. Try to remain calm; the child may think youre angry or upset at him. open-ende- Report your suspicions to the police or child protection worker. number of juvenile perpetrators has also risen. In preparing for his presentation, asked a group of pedophile patients what he should say. They said, Tell them to listen to their kids, to talk to them and educate them about sex, and not to trust just anyone with their kids. The kids we abused didnt know anything. They believed the lies we told t'hem, that they wouldnt get in trouble if they told any 1 All girls interested in particio pating should contact Stacy Dur-ban- at 544-743- 2 Schmidt at 544-575- or Pam 6. This year a Miss Layton kickoff dance will be held at the Surf N Swim complex in Layton on Friday. June 8. Music will be provided by radio station FM 94.9. The night of the pageant, July 21. scholarships and awards will be given out along with entertain- ment being provided. This is the second year for the pageant. DHS band to perform KAYSVILLE The Davis High School Symphony Band will present its spring concert at the Val A. Browning Center, We- ber State College, on Wednesday, May 23. beginning at 7:30 p.m. The public is invited to attend. Dress up your yard with ger. He said that frequently when he starts working with a family, he finds the abuse goes back for several generations. He advised parents to teach their kids three words, No, Go, and Tell, meaning, Say no, go or get away from the situation, and tell someone you trust. concrete landscape borders. FREE ESTIMATES om From page 13 Roy resident Marcie Young, Sponsored By: who knows Mrs. Mansfield from church and neighborhood, says she is avery funny Jady with quite a reputation as a comedi- eRv7Hilil enne. Rgy Standard-Examine- r Lakeside review Mrs. Mansfield enjoys socializing, sewing and crafts and makes a point of taking time for herself. You make time for it, she said, explaining how she works her hobbies into her daily schedule. Thats just part of what maintains your sanity. Another break for Mrs. Mansfield is a weekly Friday night date with her husband without the kids. I can make it through the rest of the week if I know that on Friday night Den and I are going to just do anything. And, she adds, parents know they arrived when theyve , really have ' got at least one child old enough to tend the others. It is a real help having older children who are responsible and a good example to the younger ones, she said. The easy part is that the older ones are really raising the little ones just by exam- -, pie. All her children seem to have developed a great deal of maturi- ty at an early age, Mrs. Mansfield said. Teachers and others have ' made that same observation, she said. The Mansfields live comfortably, but have to economize 'and Mrs. Mansfield says she loves to ; shop the sales. My kids dont wear designer brands, but theyve never once gone without anything theyve needed. are passed along, as well as a responsibility to care for things so they last, she . Hand-me-dow- ns said. Although she does not live her life through her children, Mrs. Mansfield said, I would gauge my success on how well each of my children has done. It is satisfying to her to have others com- . pliment her on her children and it happens often, she said. Most people can get them here, Mrs. Mansfield said of bringing children into the world. But, she adds, the proof of the pudding is in how they turn out. It is important to raise decent honest human beings in this day and age, she said, citizens who contribute to society. Mrs. Mansfield considers each of her children to be a special gift, with their good health being a bonus for which she is indebted to the Lord. Now, Ive got to work all the years of my life to see that when they are called to church service or to serve others, that they are 10 Age Categories - 3 years old to 12 years old (One per year) 1ST PRIZE - $15.00 Gift Certificate To Layton Hills Mall Plus 2 All Day Splash Passes 2ND PRIZE - All Day Splash Pass Plus 6 Pack of Pepsi Entries Must Be Completed By June 7, 1990 and Returned To Cherry Hill, ISSS. Main, KaysviJIe-o- , Lakeside Review Office, 2146 N. Main, Layton. Judging Will Be Done June 8, 1990. Prizes Awarded June 9,' 1990. ' Layton Hills Mall & Cherry Hill. " . All x ; " r The 7 Winning .Entries Will Be Displayed at I - of Pepsi Cola, Cherry Hill, LaytnHi"s nf Sponsors are not responsible for lost, late, or misdirected entries. Employees Lakeside Review, their families, agents, and affiliates are not eligible to enter. No substitution of prizes is Pelted. By ent or legal guardian of said child shall automatically hold harmless all sponsors, their agents and once ft is underway. The decision throuah the use of any prize once accepted. Sponsors reserve the right to change any of the rules of this contest address andor photograph in any of the judges shall beinal. By entering this contest winners automatically allow all sponsors to use their name, n will entries winner. to said Sorry, . advertising they desire without further compensation thirnthP worthy. t |
