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Show Bewarti t.f thin Ice. "Dog upsets auto." An up-setterT Why is he always called a "lone" bandit? Why not just a "a bandit?" A deep snow would help the aviators avia-tors that have acquired the falling habit. Now they say that the old hoop skirt is coming back. Here's hoping that it can't. Russia is importing thousands of typewriters from this country. No, Julius, they are just the machines. Milwaukee physicians plan to put an end to telephone practice. They cannot see a man's tongue over the wire. The automobile Is acceptable in funeral processions but the aeroplane Is still barred out by the undertakers' trust. Skating season is upon us that Is, ice skating. Skating in a general way is practiced regardless of the weather. Before long Germany may be eating Imported meat exclusively. The pretzels, pret-zels, however, will be manufactured at home as of yore. If It is agreeable to the surgeons, the average man would prefer to be operated on for appendicitis only when it is necessary. A man who marries two wives is n bigamist, but that California man who married six of them is just the old, reliable brand of fool. That New York person who shot himself five times and failed to kill himself will probably die some day of the pip. You never can tell. A Washington man has started suit for $300,000 for the loss of his wife. All of which leads us to remark that she must have been some wife. "In future," says Doctor Wiley, "the air will furnish heat, fuel and power." It might do so right now if some way to extract the coal from it could be found. That Kansas City man, as we understand under-stand the case, did not want a divorce di-vorce merely because his wife Bmoked, but on account of what she 6moked. Europe's wine shortage this year is said to be' the greatest for a century. Still there will no doubt be enough for us who buy It only for medicinal purposes. A writer in the New York Medical Journal says whisky is not a cure for snake bite, but kindly refrains from expressing ex-pressing an opinion as to its suitability for fish bait. ' A lady smuggler arrested with $8,000 worth of jewels in her stocking claims that that's where she always wears 'em. Evidenly we've been overlooking a good thing. A few phlegmatic men who never become excited about anything are not going to buy a fruit farm next year and get rich In one season by raising apples. , The fashionable dressmakers are still quarreling over the location of the waist line, and women will have to go along a while without knowing where it will finally be located for the season. sea-son. There are many ways of getting In bad, only one of which is to travel on a train which is about to be wrecked. A Massachusetts octogenarian who has never shaved in his life, claims to have saved $24,000 in that way, but most men would rather not have the money than the whiskers. We are told that the day of the novel is ended. When we consider the alleged literature that has been perpetrated recently, we cannot squeeze out even the semblance of a tear. Now we are told that the Garden of Eden was located at the north pole. Possibly we shall learn also that Adam and Eve were Eskimos and ate of the forbidden blubber instead of the forbidden for-bidden fruit. l A Boston young woman has been visiting vis-iting dentists' offices and stealing money mon-ey and other valuables from the wraps of the patients In the torture chamber. Here's another excuse for not going to the dentist when you ought to. |
