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Show SOUTHERN UTAH NEWS WEDNESDAY MARCH 12, Community 17 Domestic Blitz By Dixie Brunner Are modem women their own worst enemies? Someones trying to udo in women! This is not a feminist statement, by any means. We cant blame men for this mali- cious undercutting (not that wed blame men for something without good reason). Were do- - ing it to ourselves. Let me explain. What would you think if I told you I knew people who repeat- edly contorted body parts to fit into places they were nevlt meant to be? Youd probably say they were pathetically masoch-- . Women do it everyday. The other day. as I jammed my foot into feome pointed size toed high heels, I realized the daily torture wbmeri fut them- selves thiougfrCoijld we be guilty of trying to eliminate our own 7-- 12 for every woman, butGod did not make my toes into a point. Ive basically got the task foot into a of squeezing a five-toe-d small triangled receptacle, and then attempt to walk around nor-mally for the next eight hours. Imagine 8uthaeologistshundreds ofyears down the road, digging up the remains of the last woman. "What do you think killed this unusual mammal, Stanley? Well Dn not sure, but it appears she died when circulation was cut off at the foot Poor thing. It had to have been a slow, painful death." When you look at womens tendencies, shoes are only the wingtip of the iceberg. What would you say about someone who pays to have holes drilled in important parts ofher anatomy, just for the purpose of displaying decorative objects? Women get their ears pierced all the time. Many of us lay out long hours in the hot sun to get our skin self-defeati- baked to a nice golden-brow- n color despite repeated health warnings. Our thanks? Were paid off with dry skin and more wrinkles than a Hitchcock plot! Ive known women who buy a smaller dress size for a special event, hoping to drop five pounds or so. As the big day approaches, they go into full blown fasts to shed the additional pounds. They usually end up cramming their ample bodies into the less-thaample proportions of the tiny dress. Respiration then becomes, a problem. . .. "Doesnt Marilyn look wonder-ful in her new red dress?, "She sure does, but I've noticed her skin is bluish. I wonder ifshe has been under the weather. Womens masochistic tenden- ties have shown up during child- birth. We used, to be sensible, when giving birth. The minute the going got tough, the tough got anesthesia! Now when we labor to carry on the family name, we go it without drugs. Sure our motives are pure, we want a good beginning for our new sprouts. But the babies arent the ones doing all the work-w- e are. Do you think there has ever been a child who appre- n- ciated his moms sacrifice? Valedictorian at high school graduation: Td just like to say thanks to my mom for enduring a week of hard labor, not tomen-eve- r tion a nasty cpisiotomy without anesthesia, just so I could be what I am today. Women wear panty hose to make their legs look attractive. This prac-tice seems pretty tame. You wouldn't say that if youd been at our house the other day. I was getting ready to go somewhere in my usual disorganized rush. Grab-istibing a pair ofhylons, I sat down on the bed to pull them on. Since a pah- of panty hose only has a three hour lifespan on me, I was trying to pull them on carefully. When I had them up tomykhees, I heard the fhmtdoor open and ouryoung-sex?Itn'tvouest son inviting friends in. Since I ; - ' .,A' to c. . . di wasnt entirelydressednd didnt 0S . want to flash the neighbor kids, 1 quickly stood up to shut the door, With the panty hose around my . Spring Is finally here knees, I hobbled over to shut it This young kite flyer takes advantage of the nice weekend lofty his kfte. Photo But with the hose binding my byMymaCax. movement I tripped, falling into the bedroom door. I lay on the floor in a confused fog. We've come a long way baby, and we've only got ourselves to blame, ng Send A Party! a Birthdays a Anniversaries a New Arrivals a Just Because Get Well Whatever the occasion, we deliver the fin cisoons, S Hi o V- Konab Floral & Ceramic 226 South KX) 644-299- 1 East 2 i Birthday forty gs Wh so mar ctacas n Ka. Motorola jnu jjS wfal you needed water one Cnoose ttom toe See. Motorola htooTAC He 1 toe pracxat Motorola Potr Pm toe tame of Mototta Tele TACT" 250 Motorola phones Sanng a $19 95 a 1 - .V k " - FTD: Ksist & Smmd Ihmt 233 S tea El ewewMwiPiW" 1 Htochons loo JHLflLtiL- -. ' ' . ToyTwdra? dt-242- 4 irrimpi |