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Show Mothers-In-Law of America, Unite! »,1.10 § Says a psychiatrist, “There is something in the relationship of mother-in-law to daughteror son-in-law that brings cut the neurotic conflicts in both parties.” At last one of the opposing sides is preparing to do something aboutit be quite demanding. Particularly, the Listen to what some co- type that is always trying to get her daughter to try things in her marriage that the mother couldn’t achieve in hers. Wetell all our MILs to “redis- medians have to say about mothers-in-law: Bob Hope: “1 told my mother-inlaw to treat our house as her own, and she did. She sold it.” cover” their husbands, take second honeymoons and, aboveall, don’t live for your children. That doesn’t mean Buddy Hackett: “We had a blessed event at our house the other day. My that a mother-in-law must become just a memory. Sheis still a mother, after all, and must continue to function as a mother, but on a reduced scale. And mother-in-law left.” Myron Cohen: “Did you hear about wives might do weil to remember that the wife who was dying andcalled her husband to her side? ‘Do me a last favor and ride in the first car at the funeral with my mother,’ she says. ‘Okay,’ says the spouse reluctantly, ‘but they, too, will be MILs some day.” MILInternational is beginning to attempt to mediate mother-in-law, daughter-in-law disputes by discreetly having a third party call the aggrieved MIL it’s going to spoil my whole day.’” Mothers-in-law have been the butt of humor and spite aimost since the beginning of marriages. But no more. or DIL and set up a meeting “to talk x Unite, mothers-in-law of America! You have nothing to lose but the contempt Mrs. Sylvia Parker, founder of Mothers-In-Law International, society, and particularly your daughtersin-law, feel for you! is out to change the image of that group of women whom she feels are at besttolerated and at worst despised. At least so says Sylvia Parker, founder of Mothers-In-Law (MIL) International, a mushroomingorganization that already claims several hundred mem- bers. A mother-in-law herself, Mrs. Parker, who lives in Cedarhurst, Long Island, claims that MILs are unhappy and depressed because they are at best tolerated or at worst despised. “Weare determined to change our image and assist MILs to achieve a normal family Telationship in which independence is equal, dependence mutual and obligations reciprocal. Comedians who do mother-in-law jokes will draw the wrath of the “moth- erettes” (a term suggested by Mrs. Parker). “We will switch channels on TV, write letters of protest to the station and harass such low-lifes out of existence.” mother-in-law suffered death? The Yucatan Indians of Mexico still believe that if a man comes face to face with his wife’s mother he can never have children. Among the Navajos in America the mother of the bride doesn’t even go to the wedding. A Navajo believes that if he looks upon the face of his MILhe will go blind.” Now that militant MILs are surfacing and demand- when the parents pick on them, find fault with them andcriticize everything they do that young people begin to rebel. Why can’t you in-laws give your daughters-in-law a little love and en- ject, strikes us as unexpectedly as age. Only yesterday a woman’s life was crowded with children. Suddenly, the house is empty, and she is on the brink of disaster, living in bewildered neglect. It is a question of whether today’s young generation finds old age or “med- Mrs. Parker answered as follows: “Young people rebel not because their parents pick on them, as you say, but dling parents” the most distasteful of subjects, but both are certainly high up and encouragement, but it is rarely ac- on the list. It’s nct that we want our children back,” complains Mrs. Parker, ting go’ or being ‘meddlesome.’ I re- Bam ceive hundreds of letters from women around the country who havetried for human contact and respect but have been driven away from the very ones whose love they seek. The key to gct- sulted my daughter-in-law back at the beginning, maybeI’d get somerespect,” complains another. “Is it my fault I haven’t seen my grandson in a year? Why? Because, she hates me, and my Family Weekly, May 2, 1971 by the parents of their spouses. It is daughters-in-law for a face-to-face confrontation. “Where’s the respect?” one middle-aged woman demanded aggres- diences love the underdog. By characterizing MILs as bullies, like the top 6 They want to be loved and accepted Mother-in-lawhood, according to the psychologists who have studied the sub- them everything, then they get married and you’re nothing.” among some of the Northern tribes of Australia, a man who spoke to his neurotic conflicts in both. Mothers-inlaw are beginning to fight back.” “We have been a despised and ridiculed minority for too long,” chips in Mrs. Parker, “and it makes absolutely no sense. Because to be a mother-in- their grievances and seek guidance for the future. Some MILs bring along their sively at a recent meeting. “You give Parker, but cultural patterns endure forever. “Did you knowthat at one time daughter- or son-in-law that brings out too. Here is what one wrote: “Young people are really disillusioned. They know little of hate, mistrust, deceit. Jaw, you mustfirst have been a mother, which automatically means youare respected and revered.” How did mothers-in-law become the for ridicule. Laws can be changed, laments Mrs. the North Shore Mental Health Center in Long Island. “There is something in the relationship of mother-in-law and Mrs. Parker has been getting an outpouring of grievance mail since she began MIL International. Oddly enough, much of it is coming from daughtersin-law who wanttheir viewpoints aired, ing a new respect, according to Mrs. Parker,all this will be changed. A large group of angry MILs meet monthly at Mrs. Parker’s home to air target of thousands of disdainful jokes? According to humor experts, mothersin-law are easily victimized because au- sergeant or the boss, they are fair game serts Dr. David R. Hawkins, director of things out.” “We are strongly in favor of clinics for newlyweds where they can interact with some of our MILs,” advocates Mrs. Parker. “Hf 1 had had a big mouth and in- “but they should realize that mothers son just lets this go on.” become unemployed in a sense when “Whatthis group reflects is the tendency of sub groups to get together and try and work out their problems,” as- their children Jeave them. It can be a terribly lonely feeling. Not all mothersin-law are angeis, of course, some can § couragement? If your son fell in love with the girl and wants to spend the rest of his life with her, she can’t beall that bad.” because this is the path to adulthood. As a Swedish proverb goes, ‘Being young is a fault which diminishes daily.’ Most in-laws want to give love cepted. It is misconstrued as ‘not let- ting along is wanting to.” |