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Show UpperEast Side. asked her about it. “Thefirst couple of months I didn’t know which way was up.” she recalled. “These weregirls who had been studying Frenchsince third grade! I was the Californiagirl, the nerdiest one, and they kind of picked on me. I was really awkwardlooking. I had braces. You know howlong my neck is? Well. imagine that ona12. year-old girl who weighs 80 pounds. It was not pretty. wrongchoice and be hurt, but now they thought I had talent.” Once Paltrowhad herfamily’s blessing, she moved to Los Angeles, did rounds of auditions and three months later was hired for a TV miniseries, Cruel Doubt. Movieroles quickly followedin Malice and Flesh and Bone in 1993. The followingyear, she made Mrs. Parker andthe Vicious Circle, and in 1995 Moonlight and Valentinoand “It. was really important to my mother that we have an East Coast education andsensibilit she continued. “She Jefferson in Paris. She chose dissimilar roles in serious pictures and began to receive critical respect took us to the opera, which I hated at the time but appreciate now. She was In 1995 she played opposite Brad Pitt always dragging us to see underground in the thriller Se7en. He courted her, and she fell in love. In time, they lived to- dancetroupes andtobizarre theaterper- ther while both continued to work— about these blond, blue-eyed movie people, but we werein love. The dynamic between us was sospecial. Brad is a wonderful person. All those reports about his runningoffand cheating could not be more wrong.The break-up wasn’t over that. It was clear our relationship wasn’t going to work out. That'sthe way life goes. “I was thatyear,” she noted, smil“and being young you end upstayingin situations that you shouldn't. You don’t know where you're goingor what you want. Then everything came apart and it took mealong time not to be in painor feel sad. I just let the dust set- le to see what had happened and where I was. Things becamevery or clear, It was a real awakenin me. I knew how I wantedto live my life and what was important to me It cametrom letting go of all that fear, of worrying about other peo- ple’s perceptions, other people's anger. I realizedthat when | embraced who I was, whoI really was, I became the best version of myself.” Last year, Paltrow metthe actor Ben Affleck, 26, and they starteddating in New York and London, where they filmed Shakespearein Love. | asked what he was like. “[can’t say anything about Ben!” sheexclaimed in mock Gwyneth with her brother, Jake (1), mother, Blythe Danner, and father, Bruce Paltrow. formances in convertedchurches inthe Village. She wantedto show us the worldand its possibilities. She wanted us enriched, and I loveher for it” “Things became very clear. | knew how | wanted to live my life 1990 and went onto theUniversity of and what was Paltrow graduated from Spence in California at Santa Barbara, but sheoften cut classes todrive into Los Angeles #Mportant to me. for auditions. She won abit part in Shout, a forgettable movie musical, and z Paltrow making Great Expectations and Emma, amongother films. Two years af- a tiny role as Wendy in Hook, After a ter they met, Pitt proposed, She happily year in college, sheleft to try out fora accepted. They celebratedtheir engas part in a production of Picnic at a sum ment withhis family during Christmas mer theater in Williamstown, Mass. 1996in his hometown of Springfield, My dad sawa dress rehearsal she Mo. but by summer the engagement was broken off, the romance over alarm “I'll get into suchtrou: ble! All I'll say is he’s very bright andvery funny If she had to choose be tween a career and mar “I never had | pee need them them both, both.” it9 be?-?"T “I rei need And if I “WhatI've ee riage. Lasked. which would couldn't haveboth? I'd choosefamily You'll never be hap py if you can’t figure out that loving people is all there is,” she udded. “Andthat it's more important to love than to beloved Becausethat is when recalled. “He camebackstas and he had tears in his eyes. Hesaid, “I don’t think youshould go back to college." It felt so incredible to hear that. |My par- Tt was a bad time sherecalled quietly. "Sometimes peoplefull in lovewith people they shouldn't marry. [knowthat ing somebody. | ve ents} hadn't wanted me to make the people thought our relationship was by givinglove.” PARADE MAGAZINE JANUARY 17, 1909 PAGE 5 you feel love, by lov learned that you get the rewards oflove IR Paltrow. purpose is not do bigbig-budgeted movies. | look Rao e movies of quality.” Her | roles include | (trom top) | Thomas Jetterson's | daughter, the wite of a police detective (Brad Pitt), Jane Austen's Emma(with Toni Collette), a wite whose husband (Michae! Douglas) wants her dead and Shakespeare's real-life Juliet, | |