Show Mulligan Stew The bear facts about grizzlies By HUGH A MULLIGAN A P Special Correspondent Those lean leathery US Forest Service ran- gers in the wide brim campaign hats may not say but when they do much Pow Zowie Zap Everyone stand aside Listen if you can bear it to this Smoky the Bear type being bearish on the subject of bears “Bears are unpredictable and dangerous Climbing a tree may save your life if you can get high enough and the tree is stout enough to withstand a buffeting” Now just a minute pardner how high do I have to climb and who is going to be down there doing the buffeting? Not I hope old Ursus arctos horribilis as the grizzly is called in the scientific community where the fact that he can crush a moose’s skull with a slap of his paw or rip off an automobile door with his fingernails is downplayed for ecological reasons I read that interesting bit of bear lore in “All About Sitka Summer” a special tourist section put out by the Sitka Sentinel to defuse visitors of their fears about the local fauna Such cautionary tales always have the opposite effect on me invoking sheer terror especially when the ranger goes on to advise “people who carry guns to carry at least a 6 or larger I no longer even carry a Boy Scout knife For the unarmed the best the forestry flack can suggest is “throwing down a piece of clothing if follow'ed by a bear in order to distract it” How' do I know the particular bear on my trail is a kinky transvestite? I don’t see myself pausing long enough to perform a strip act for his benefit I figure if I’m not stepping out two feet ahead of my jockey shorts by the time the bear marathon kicks off it’s all over but the hors d’oeuvres These Sitka folk aren’t talking about backpacking into the trackless wilds of the Brooks : 30-0- terminal you enter in Alaska has a furry mountain of stuffed bear in a glass case with the inscription “Shot along the Kobuk River by Clem Dimwitty with a 175 howitzer at a range of 30 feet July 12 etc” Bear stories have a prominent place in the literature of Alaska They made a bigger impression on Jon McPhee the New Yorker writer in “Coming Into the Country” than owl soup or killing 40 mosquitoes at a slap He records that “once not long ago a wTiter visiting Alaska pitched his tent on a bear trail A bear removed the writer from his tent ate him and left nothing but the pencil” I can’t understand why the bear rejected that pencil because elsewhere in discussing the grizzly’s keen sense of locating groceries McPhee says that “unopened cans of sardines have been found in the scat of grizzlies” No wonder bears are so mean If you ever gave up on opening a can of sardines with one of those keys that never work you know the feeling All bear authorities agree on one point: visitors should not pitch their tents on bear trails Bears they say can run about as fast as a race horse and need about 100 squre miles of personal property forjogging room Since Alaska has several state parks and national forests the size of my home state of Connecticut I have no intention of exercising the territorial imperative in bear country If they stay clear of the lodge and don’t usurp my chair by the fire I gladly yield them the rest of the north country Bears I read somewhere have their big toes on the outside of their feet the opposite of too humans Some of them are or shaken Never having played kitchy-kohands with a grizzly I can’t attest to the accuracy of that information a condition of ignorance that I do not propose to dissipate with first-hanreportage H It could turn out to be Range No Sir They’re talking about a quiet Sunday stroll in the suburbs “A favorite climb locally” the Sitka paper advises “is up to Beaver Lake just a few miles past the pulp mill where hikers should be prepared for mosquitoes as a good portion of the hike is through muskeg” But there’s a lot more waiting than mosquitoe and muskeg: “The climb begins quite steeply with multiple switchbacks After reaching the top of the hill a boardwalk takes hikers across the muskeg where they should watch out for bears” Bears along the boardwalk? In Coney Island you only have to w7orry about sandfleas a bad sun burn and muggers What if the bears are watching out for the tourists which apparently is their wont? Not to worry writes another local bear expert in the same edition of the paper: “Yell at it Make your presence known They have really poor eyesight but are naturally curious and may come close because of it” This author described as “a hiker who has lived in Sitka most of his life” further encourages those who find bears unbearable to “tie a bell to their packs so bears have audible warning They can smell and hear much better than you can!” Let me get this straight now7 Just because a bear has poor eyesight and the oil rich state of Alaska has net yet got a bifocal program going for myopic grizzlies am I supposed to cooperate with whatever he has in mind by ringing a bell and yelling at him? To me that smacks of Daniel putting out place cards in the lions den If I’m going to be the plat du jour for some half-togrizzly I can’t imagine the dinner gong for his benefit or myself ringing the around woods running shouting “come and get left-hande- n near-sighte- d o it” d I don’t blame the bears for being testy about tourists d Almost every hotel lobby or airport last-han- d TV writers given Humanitas prizes HOLLYWOOD CUPI) — Television writers for “Hill Street Blues” and “WKRP in Cincinnati” as well as the drama special “The Shadow Box” w7on the coveted Humanitas prizes Writer Michael Cristofer was awarded $25000 Tuesday in the two-hocategory for his teleplay on “The Shadow Box” which depicted several terminally ill patients in a hospice for the dying In the one-hocategory writers Michael Kozoll and Steven Bochco won the $15000 prize for their “Dressed to Kill” episode of “Hill Street Blues” a critically acclaimed NBC series centered on a police precinct in a large city Writer Hugh Wilson won the $10000 prize in the r category for “Venus Flytrap Explains the Atom” episode of “WKRP in Cincinnati” a CBS comedy show about a rock radio station A special award was also given to Morton Silverstein and Chris Wallace for their “NBC Report” segment “The Migrants 1980” The judges said the program was cited “for speaking for those who cannot speak for themselves” and “for its compassionate portrayal of the dignity of the poor and oppressed” The Human Family Educational and Cultural Institute which selects the Humanitas winners is a organization comprised of Hollywood professionals “dedicated to the communication of human values through television” The programs were selected by a jury that included science fiction writer Ray Bradbury writer and editor Norman Cousins and actresses Helen Hayes Cicely Tyson and Joanne Woodward Carat Bridal Sets V4 ur Your$rQQ ur Choice to be expensive to be elegant Contempotaiv settings m 11 karat gold Open a com ement iiaige c ry Schubach non-prof- it award-winnin- Close-u- p Sunday July 12 Ph is ' i'i 11 a 621-517- t 9 p to 6 o m - ‘o 5 p m Sl" 12 a M I Kv’ LAYTON HILLS MALL PH 0 Dai y 10 0 Sat 10 am ‘0 II Also in CACHE VALLEY MALL — Logan 766-346- 9 Dai y 1C a m 'o 9 p m Sat 10 a rr to 6 p ir Sin 'Cosed) Joseph P president of the broadcasting division of Capital Cities Communications Inc announced the beginning of a permanent endowment to support the Humanitas Prizes 16 OGDEN CITY MALL g During the awards ceremony Dougherty doesn't have It half-hou- non-moneta- J77 1981 IF YOU NEED A PLACE TO RENT YOU NEED TO READ THE Ogden Standard Examiner CLASSIFIED ADS TODAY |