Show — A V 4A 4 r 'I t V J '’I ' V J V Here are a ' i TaiK You When ffps to win the ears of friends hoim e 0n?s and By DOMINICK A BARBARA Barbara is a New York psychoanalyst specializing in communication problems and author of “The Art of Listening” and “ Your Speech Reveals Your Personality ” Flora Rheta Schreiber is a voice consultant and author of “ Your Child’s Speech: A Practical Guide for Parents for the First Five Years” jDr Dominick A son comes running to you Your shouts gleefully “Look Mom I caught a eight-year-o- ld worm!” You reply: “Go wash your dirty hands” He doesn’t wash his hands because he hasn’t listened Your wife tells the same jokes at every party You complain to her But the inanity goes on You go to your boss to ask for a raise He replies: “Aha mmm we’ll see about it” But somehow he never gets around to seeing about it In each of these instances the essential and process of communication the of speaking and listening has broken down In none of these cases has the speaker —whether the mother husband or employee — made the person to whom he was talking want to listen Instead each has erected barriers to listening — the mother because she has frustrated her child by nipping his curiosity with her unimaginative “wash your hands” the husband because he never listened to her at other times and it was only by telling silly jokes in a group that she was able to win center stage and the boss because in his book you had long since proved a bore not worth hearing out Making people listen when you speak is of pivotal importance in your life When for instance you want your child to listen you should try to set the stage for listening The all-impor- tant give-and-ta- s ke cover by Erich Hartmann In this issue Marilyn tells what Clark Gable has meant to her since childhood See story on p 4 i 5 JJ 1 ’ " f I j each other it is the tone of voice and not the words themselves which the listener believes “A fine job you’ve done” says the boss in a sneering" tone You know all too well that this isn’t praise but blame Instead of trying to impress others recognize your strengths and your weaknesses for what they are Then either delay important action until you can overcome your weakness or take your chances ' with them You will find sincerity rather than insincerity the truthful rather than the bogus makes others listen when you speak People will listen to you more willingly too if you have authority and conviction to back up what you say washed his hands but also would have developed a warmer and more receptive attitude toward his mother in all things if instead of stifling his natural curiosity she had listened to the note of enthusiasm in his voice and had replied with: “Yes this is a lovely worm!” Then her disciplinary “Well now how about washing your hands before ner?” would have meant something Wives whose voices carry the accents of their attitude toward their tion should husbands “What can my tone of voice possibly have to do with my attitude toward my husband?” one woman asked us The first step in her journey was to have her make a retoward cording of her voice “That’s not my voice” she protested “It sounds like a nag a shrew” We made another record and another We made records when she was in a perverse mood and when she was in a mellow mood And as she came to hear the differences she also came to recognize how her tones sometimes alienated her husband Moreover from that recognition flowed a complete reorganization of her attitude toward her husband and her way of speaking to him With her new voice she was now able to hold not only her husband’s attention but that of other persons in a way that formerly had been impossible for her On the job you can make persons listen to you re-exam- ine listen to yourself Each of us is far more Above all to talk than to listen Show that you self-awaren- ess yourself are interested in what you are saying Your listener catches your emotion and will be as enthusiastic about your message as you are Your tone of voice reveals emotion and has a subtle unspoken effect on your listener Anger for instance causes your voice to be too high too fast too loud Depression too soft too slow too low Anxiety produces hemming and hawing You spend more than 70 percent of your waking time in communication either as a speaker or listener You step on an unseen plat- form at home in the office shop or factory You confer with the salesman and the plumber the doc- -' tor and lawyer the children’s teacher and with superiors and subordinates on the job Your daily life is just one unending conversation When that conversation is going well the difference between speaker and listener blurs Together you are caught in the mutual excitement of sharing ideas face-to-fa- ce without being a vacant consists ir cultivating the art of saying the right thing at the right time in the right place with the right bodily attitude and in the right tone of ‘ voice Interestingly when the words you use and the tone of voice in which you say them contradict Family Wool cly February 26 Send all advertising communications to Family Weekly 153 N Michigan Ave Chicago 1r III Address all communications about editorial features to Family Weekly 60 E 56th St New York 22 N Y MAGAZINE INC 153 N 1961 s LEONARD S DAVIDOW President and Publisher WALTER C DREYFUS Vies President PATRICK E O'ROURKE Advertising Director MORTON FRANK Director of Publisher Relations WEEKLY t h J RHETA SCHREIBER little boy with the worm not only would have © 1961 FAMILY ‘j c°untrymen MD with FLORA COVER: A wistful-eye- d Marilyn Monroe on the set of “ The Misfits” was photographed for our k 4 illr Board of Editors ERNEST V HEYN Editor-in-ChiBEN KARTMAN Executive Editor ROBERT FITZGIBBON Managing Editor MARGARET BELL Feature Editor PHILLIP DYKSTRA Art Director MELANIE DE PROFT Food Editor ef Bob Driscoll John Hochmann Jerry Klein Harold London Murray Milter Jack Ryan Peer Oppenheimer Hollywood Michigan Ave Chicago 1 III All 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