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Show Choices Sundd, iVtober 22, 1978. THE HERALD, Provo, Utah-P- age 35 With Thomas Hodason Avoid Blaming Spouse in Conflicts By Karen Blaker, Ph D DEAR DR. BLAKER -- My wife and I are at an impasse and need an arbitrator. We have been having the same fight for more than five years: We cannot come to an agreement on how often my wife's parents should visit. First, my side of the argument: Even though live quite far my away, they visit us nearly We have to move out of our bedroom and into the unfinished attic, where we sleep Japanese-styl- e on the floor. The least fnv wife could do would be to ask her parents to visit less frequently. - DEAR DK. BLAKER husband If only he would act more loving toward them, the whole problem would be solved. DEAR READERS -With each of you so intent on blaming the other for the tense state of affairs, you are missing the for com- is thoroughly obnoxious promise. My when my parents visit. I think fear that they will The concept has proven sensible and come around more often efficient in dealing with is the main reason he automobile accidents and every other month. I hasn't fixed up the attic. divorces. Why couldn't it can't stand it because it y They come as often as work in drastically disrupts our they do because they marital conflicts? Let's family routine. want to make certain I give it a try. am doing all right with The first step is to unsuch a mean husband. derstand the underlying They really worry about issues in the fight. me. What they don't unFor example, why are derstand is that he is a the busy trying to truly wonderful person protect their daughter when they are not around. from a monster who is in-la- lt day-to-da- Polly: Yellow wonderful when they Valee Beardall Sets Marriage I are Once the real issues are aired, it is often fairlv simple to end the fight with the parents as unless the couple in quesprotectors, the wife as tion needs to struggle victim and the husband as because they fear villain that only closeness or find fighting perpetuates the conflict? sexually stimulating. If so, one solution In my first advice would be for each to column just a year age, I change his or her role. asked another couple to The husband could finish stop playing the blame the attic and thereafter game that was proving not act as put-oby the deadly for them That s' visits. game may also be the Meanwhile, the wife death of your marriage could negate her parents' Write to Dr. Blaker in need to label her husband care of this newspaper, as bad. P 0 Box 475. Radio City Or the problem could Station. New York, N Y. stem from the belief that 10019. Volume of mail it is unfair to lavish so prohibits personal much attention on only replies, but questions of one set of In this general interest will be case, jealously might be discussed in future the underlying feeling. columns. not around? Is each person playing a role Valee Beardall. daughter of Mr. and Mrs. Earl Beardall, Spanish Fork, will exchange wedding vows with Thomas Ray Hodgson, son of Mr. and Mrs Ray Hodgson. Spanish Fork, on Nov. 3. The will marriage be performed by Bishop Wilbur Stevenson at the Spanish Fork Second-9tWard. A reception will follow that evening in the Spanish Fork Second - 9th Ward Cultural Hall. 98 S Main 9 Ktend P m AU frie"dS 3nd reUtives are invited - h ""t:, 'iter Miss Beardall is a senior at Spanish Fork High School where she will graduate in May of 1979 Mr. Hodgson is a graduate of Spanish Fork High School and LDS He also Seminary. attended Utah Technical College at Provo and is currently employed in Provo. The bride-to-b- e has chosen for her matron of honor Jonni G eave, and as her bridesmaids Liz Otteson Kim Neilsen and Val Jones. be MikC Edwards and Hf- fnfarf 0 s. Special guests will be Mr. and Mrs. Ed Balzly of Payson, grandparents of the bride-elecand Mr. and Mrs. Donald S. Clayson of Spanish Fork, grandparents of the prospective bridegroom. VALEE BEARDALL t; Bindi ngs By Polly Cramer POLLY'S PROBLEM - DEAR POLLY The bindings on several of the books in my set of white have encyclopedias turned yellow. I wonder if you have any suggestions as to how I can remove DANA this. - - DEAR DANA I am sorry you failed to say what material was used for the bindings on your books. It could be a simulated leather finish or cloth. If the bindings are cloth you might try using an art gum eraser. If you have hard glossy bindings you might ask your local library about a special lotion made for cleaning such covers, I have heard there is one but do not know the name or where it can be POLLY purchased. ' DEAR POLLY -- When I ran out of scouring powder I scrubbed my bathtub with electric dishwashing powder and it did a better job than the scouring powder ever did. - When I (Polly's Note tried this I put about as much of the powder in the tub as I put in the disMRS. 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