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Show Family Weekly November 17, 1968 How to Get Even with Your By SHEPHERD MEAD problem is that I've MYalways liked women too much so much so that I've been married to the same one for 25 years. In fact, she's always getting into my writing. The worst time was when I was writing "How to Succeed with Women Without Really Trying." "Unfair!" she said. "It just tells choose your second husband, once you've worn out the first.) Nearly all women choose the wrong first husband. I know, I'm my wife's second husband. I always tell her the second marriage is the best. "But I'm your first wife," she says. "Exactly," I say. "The second marriage is always the best." Your first impulse will be to choose the young, boyish type. This is a mistake. The very young man will how to take unfair advantage of women." "Nonsense!" I replied. "Prove it," she said, "by telling women how to even the score." So, to keep peace in the house, I've agreed to tell you ladies how to get even with your man. Right now you're not even with him at all. You're miles behind. And this is sur- prising since you're much better made in almost every way. You'll last at least five years longer, recover from most diseases much more easily, be 16 times less likely to have color blindness, and a whole list of other physical advantages. This is because you were engineered to be the baby factory, the part that takes the real stamina. I know how much this takes I've been on the side lines for 27 months of it, all told, and the three kids are still doing fine, thank you. In spite of this clear superiority, your man is one up on you in almost every way. Start even with him, same education and intelligence, and he's almost sure to get ahead of you in any business. Marry him, and by the time you're both 50, he's No. 1, with some influence and a bit of power, including (more than likely) quite a bit over women, and he's making several times what he once did. What about you? If you were cut loose on the open market, economic or matrimonial, it might be hard to give you away. You're definitely getting the short end of the bargain. Can you get even with him? Yes, you can. Follow these simple instructions, and you'll have a start. Memand hide orize these simple rules them from him. How (o Choose Your First Hnsband (If you've already chosen him, don't skip this. It may help you to Family Weekly, November 17, 196S "You needed me, love. And who else would have you? You were definitely getting pear-shaped- ." Should Pear-Shape- d I Choose a Man? Yes, you should. Your first impulse will be to grab the barrel-cheste- d, slim-hippAdonis. Resist it. Like the open sports car, he looks wonderful going down the ed two-seat- er street, but he'll be impractical for the long haul. Choose a comfortable, station wagon of a man, with thinking or sitting muscles. The boy athlete will get shoddier and poorer with the years, whereas the thinking (or sitting) man's pay check will grow and grow. (So, alas, will his sitting muscles, but you have to take the bitter with the sweet.) IIow to Measure Ills Money Never marry a man just for his money. Figures show, however, that most marriage breakups are caused by either money or sex. Don't be bamboozed by the suitor, or by the size and of his car. A good rule is: elegance the more money a man has, the tighter he clings to it. This is why free-spendi- he has it. have to use you like an old mop. He has no choice. He can't afford anything else. You're his first and wife, chosen as cook, scullery maid, washerwoman, nursemaid, jalopy driver, and playmate. Unfortunately there will be almost no time for the latter. He will be expecting, subconsciously at least, to replace you later (when he can afford it) with a luxury or sports model. Try, if you can, to be someone else's luxury model. Choose your second husband first. Select a junior executive in his late 20s. He can buy your freedom from the slavery stage, and he's more experienced in the ways of the world meaning you. Don't sneer at experience. It's always better to ride with someone who knows how to drive. The average young male is totally incompetent. If. his backhand or his approach shot were as bad as his lovemaking, he'd never win a game. "Now all that," said my wife, looking at the typewriter, "is cynical and Machiavellian. We marry for loye." "But you did marry me, pet, when I was 29, and making a lot of money." utility-- model "You can say that again," said my wife, looking over my shoulder. There are several good conversational gambits to determine how much money he has. 1. The query. Work the conversation around to something like this: "It says in the paper here that he'll be making $14,000 a year. Is that too much?" If he replies, "Let's see, how much would that be a week?" then look around a bit. If he figures it by the week, he hasn't got it. 2. The Tax Query. Just ask him : "Can you help me with my income tax?" If he says, "I don't know a thing about it," then he hasn't got it. If he turns white and trembles at the mention of income tax, grab him. The more they worry about taxes, the more money they have. My wife interrupted: "Dear, the problem isn't just how much he has got. It's how to get it away from him." Very well, then. We will stop at nothing. Dow to Get Money from Your Ilnsbaad You'll have no problem getting as much as you need if your timing is right. If you say, "Dear, I need a new dress," he will reply, "What happened to the one you just got?" no matter how long ago that was. Wait until he says you need a new dress. When the time comes, put on your oldest, shabbiest rag and say: "Dear, Mrs. Biggley phoned . . ." "The boss' wife?" "She wondered whether we could drop over for dinner on Friday. She said not to dress up. Don't you think this dress will be all right?" He will send you right down to the best dress shop in town. Money will be no object. You'll discover that this gambit can be carried to almost any extreme. No need to slave over smalltime home improvements. The clever girl does it with one stroke : "Dear, Lulu Biggley was saying "Oh, it's Lulu now, is it?" "She said there's a beautiful house for sale near them, up on the country- grounds . . ." it that the place is in apple-pi- e order before you move in. My wife just looked at the typewriter again and said, "Now that is carrying it too far." "You can never," I said, "carry it too far." "Then get down to the real pay dirt." -club See to IIow to Break Your Man to the Saddle Remember that the only way your man is really superior to you is in s. Think his heavy or horse-muscle- |